


Will You Still Love Me Anyway

by RhysMerilot



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Loss and Grief, Post Season 6, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 18:15:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 81,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16623986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhysMerilot/pseuds/RhysMerilot
Summary: Life is full of unexpected changes and Regina is still searching for happiness and for her own happy ending when life suddenly takes a turn in a direction no one saw coming. Should things have gone differently had she been brave enough to tell Emma Swan how she really felt or would it have not mattered at all in the end? What would it take to get the happy ending she always longed for and how hard would it be to get it even if that meant she had to try to move on? (Don’t worry, there IS a happy ending in there somewhere)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well…
> 
> I’m not even sure how to explain this story, really. All I ask is for patience, readers, because I truly believe that this is one of the greatest stories I’ve ever told… (so far). This was originally supposed to be just a little short-story to get my muse going again, but I never did expect for it to become the beast of a story that it has become over the last week (yes, I wrote this in less than a week and SMASHED my NaNoWriMo goal in only three days, go me!) I also want to make it noted that I didn’t write it out in chapters per se, so that is why I am posting the whole thing all at once because there was no right way to really break it up in a way that made sense to me. It’s not how I meant for this story to be read, actually.
> 
> This is slightly canon-divergence-sorta-AU kind of a deal as I tried to include most things from canon while taking some creative liabilities to make this work. Things will make sense as the story unfolds, of course, so please hold off on yelling at me because “that didn’t really happen that way” or what have you, but feel free to let me know your thoughts as you read along even if that means you end up yelling at me for very different reasons altogether.
> 
> P.S. Caryn, don’t hate me too much for the radio silence or the fact that I’ve sprung this story out of nowhere on you and everyone else! Surprise! Love you still! Enjoy!

NOVEMBER

It was a bleak, cold, and gray, a typical November afternoon when Regina Mills’ phone rang for the umpteenth time that day. She’d been tackling a tall stack of paperwork, determined to take her mind off of everything else going on in her life, and more importantly, to forget that her friend was about to get married in just a few short days and to a man she had never approved of or even liked to begin with. Her patience, having worn thin throughout the day, was lost as she grabbed the phone angrily.

“What?” she barked into the phone.

“Mayor Mils,” her secretary Marjorie, said timidly on the line. “You have a visitor.”

“I told you earlier that I was not accepting any visitors this afternoon, so if you can kindly tell whomever it is to come back on Monday morning with an appointment—”

“It’s Sheriff Swan, ma’am.”

Regina groaned as she leaned back in her chair. She had been avoiding Emma Swan for nearly three days and for good reason, several and all of which she was absolutely never going to admit, even to herself. Regina removed her glasses and pinched at the bridge of her nose before letting out a tired sigh.

“Send her in,” she said before she hung up the phone, the door opening mere seconds later. “Sheriff Swan, what are you doing here?”

“Can’t a friend come visit a friend once in a while?” Emma asked with a small smile. “I haven’t seen you all week.”

“I’ve been busy, dear,” Regina replied as she pointed out the paperwork that was scattered over her desk. “I’ll be seeing you tonight at your bachelorette party or did you forget all about that?”

“No—no I didn’t forget,” Emma muttered and she took a seat in the chair in front of Regina’s desk. “Can I ask you something, Regina?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Are we okay?”

Regina laughed incredulously. “Of course we are okay, why wouldn’t we be okay, Emma?”

“I don’t know,” Emma replied with a small shrug and she unzipped her red leather jacket that had only recently made a reappearance from the depths of her closet. “It feels like you’re avoiding me this week. I’m getting married in two days and my friend, someone who I thought was my _best_ friend, has been ignoring my texts, sending my calls straight to voicemail, and even missed dinner last night with _our_ son, and I don’t know why.”

“I’ve been busy, as I said,” Regina said, her voice lacking its usual strong confidence. “I’m terribly sorry about last night, dear. I did text Henry and told him I wouldn’t be able to make it.”

“Because you got caught up at the office,” Emma muttered. “Which,” she said as she crossed her arms over her chest, “we both know is absolute bullshit. You never get caught up at the office and you never miss a family dinner, either. Regina, I need you to cut all of this bullshit out and tell me what the hell is going on with you lately. Is it my mom? Is she hounding you about the wedding again? I _told_ her to lay off and I told you to tell me if she didn’t.”

“It’s not your mother,” Regina replied. “I’ve just been busy—”

“Ding.”

“What the hell is that?” Regina asked angrily. “Is that your so-called superpower going off?”

“Yes, yes, it is,” Emma laughed lightly. “But…ding! Lie. Tell me the truth, Regina.”

“Do you want the honest truth or the sugarcoated version, Emma?”

“I just want the truth. I just want to know why you are avoiding me like the plague.”

“What do you want me to say?” Regina asked and she sighed defeatedly. “Do you want me to tell you that I think you’re about to make the biggest mistake of your life? Do you want me to tell you that I think that this wedding should be called off? Do you want me to tell you that I still and always will think that you’re too good for Hook? You already know how I feel about this whole thing, Emma, so really, there is no point in repeating myself to you again and again, is there?”

“Is that why you don’t want to be my maid of honor, Regina? Because you hate Killian?” Emma rolled her eyes and leaned forward, her arms still crossed defiantly over her chest. “Or,” she said as she gave Regina a challenging look, a look Regina hadn’t seen in quite a few years, “or is it something else?”

“What else could it be, hmm?”

“I don’t know, Regina, you tell me.”

“I’m busy,” she deflected as she pointed out at the incomplete paperwork she needed to get done before the end of the day. “I don’t have time for this childish nonsense. Don’t you have a party to get ready for?”

“It’s not until nine. It’s four. Plenty of time to get ready between now and then,” Emma replied flippantly. “Stop deflecting, Regina. Sooner or later I’m going to figure out what is really going on.”

“What is really going on is that you’re testing my patience, Swan. I need to get this done before the end of the day and I do not want to leave this pile sitting here over the weekend, either.”

Emma didn’t budge from the chair and she sat back, squirming a little before getting comfortable. “Well?” she said as she pointed at the paperwork. “Don’t let me stop you from working, Regina.”

“I work better in peace. Alone.”

“Pretend I’m not even here. Isn’t that easy enough for you? You’ve been pretending like I don’t exist all week, so it isn’t much of a stretch, is it?”

“Emma—”

“Why can’t you just tell me what it is, Regina? Why do you have to do the whole deflect and avoid thing?” Emma was getting angry. It was clear by the sharp tone of her voice. “Are you—you’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“What the hell would I have to be jealous of?”

“That I’m getting married in two days. That I’m getting my happy ending even though I promised you years ago that I’d help you find yours. You’re jealous or angry or upset that it’s happening to me first.”

“This is ridiculous,” Regina said as she stood up fast, the blood rushing to her head and causing her to grow dizzy. She gripped the edge of her desk before sitting back down in her chair. “I am not jealous. I’ve told you before and I will tell you again, I’m happy for you.”

“Ding.”

“Your superpower is broken. That was not a lie.”

“Ding. Ding.”

Regina clenched her fists tightly and clicked her jaw shut. She knew well enough that no matter what she said, Emma would know when she was lying. Emma always knew. It was why it was best not to say anything at all. Why it was best not to even _think_ about anything at all. Which was absolutely impossible when the very source of the thoughts she denied even to herself was sitting right in front of her being a stubborn brat.

“Get out of my office. Now.”

“Oh, I am not going anywhere until you talk to me,” Emma said and she held firm, not wavering even under Regina’s hard, piercing stare. “Why can’t you tell me what is really going on, Regina?”

“There is nothing—”

“Ding.”

“If you do not stop—”

“I’ll stop when you stop lying to me,” Emma stated boldly. “So, spit it out, Regina. Tell me the real reason you’ve been avoiding me all week.”

“As I said,” Regina said tightly as she stood up from her chair and gripped the edge of her desk. “Your so-called superpower is broken. I am not lying. I told you, I am happy for you. For you and…your pirate. For you getting the happy ending that you…want.”

“Di—”

Regina snapped her fingers, using a spell that rendered Emma speechless, literally. “I warned you, Swan,” she said lowly as she pointed at her and then to the door. “The spell will be lifted when you walk out that door and not a moment before then. Now, if you would be so kind to leave so that I can finish my work, it’d be much appreciated.”

Emma’s face grew red and she grabbed the pad of post-its and a pen from the holder, scribbling on it before pulling the first post-it off and showing it to Regina.

_You’re an asshole._

Regina laughed and picked up her own pen, flipping through the form she’d been going over when Emma turned up at her office door. “I’ve always been an asshole, that’s nothing new, dear,” she said lightly and she laughed again as Emma thumped a fist on the edge of the desk and started writing again on another post-it.

_I know the truth._

“That you’re annoying?” Regina chuckled. “Did your superpower ding on that one? No? Because it is true. You are very annoying. The bane of my very existence at this moment.”

Emma shook her head and scribbled on another post-it, but she wasn’t as quick to pull it off the pad as she had with the previous two. Regina turned her attention back to the form and signed on the bottom before pulling out another almost identical form to review. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Emma pull that post-it off the pad before writing on another and that one she showed her as she stood up.

_I always know when you’re lying. I’ll always know. Read the next one after I leave. Asshole._

Emma placed the other post-it face down in front of Regina before she turned and walked out. Regina just moved the post-it to the side and continued to review the form in front of her. For the next fifteen minutes, Regina continued to finish her paperwork and only occasionally glanced at the post-it she was instructed to read after Emma had left. After twenty minutes, she picked up the post-it and flipped it around, her hands shaking as she looked at the words written on it.

_I was in love with you once, too. I wish you’d been brave enough to tell me. I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you. I’m sorry._

Regina blinked past the tears that filled her eyes as she read the words over and over again. It was all too late. It was too late. Emma was getting married in two days and there wasn’t a damn thing Regina could do about it. It was too late to confess her feelings, ones she’d been denying to herself for far too long. It was too late to beg Emma to call the wedding off—as if she hadn’t already been trying to do that for the last month and it was just too damn late for them to be something _more_.

[X]

“Mom, I’m fine,” Henry groaned as Regina made a fuss over him staying at the house alone, despite the fact that he did it more often than not these days. “Don’t use the stove, don’t open the door to strangers, and if the apocalypse comes, I’ll text you.”

“I’ll try not to be too late tonight,” Regina said as she grabbed her long jacket out of the closet. “Do you have everyone’s number?”

“Of course.”

“Remember, no friends over tonight. Not even Violet.”

“No friends, no girls,” Henry said with a nod and he handed Regina her purse. “It’s fine, Mom. I’m going to be fine, just like I always am. Now go! You’re going to be late!”

“Don’t wait up for me, dear,” Regina said before fishing out her keys from her purse. “If anything happens—”

“I’ll text you or call you,” Henry sighed. “Don’t worry, Mom, okay? Just go and have fun!”

Fun. Regina had to fight to keep from rolling her eyes before she gave her son a tight hug and walked out the front door. Fun was the last thing she knew the night would be. She was going to Emma’s bachelorette party for crying out loud. Fun was not going to be had, especially not after the post-it Emma had left with her that afternoon.

Since she was without a car for the time being, hers stuck in the Marine Garage for the last week for engine repairs that were costing her far too much money, she had no other choice but to walk to Granny’s diner where the bachelorette party was being held. The wind had picked up since she’d walked home from the town hall hours earlier and she shivered as she picked up the pace, hurrying down the street as quickly as her feet would take her. She was halfway there when a horn honked behind her and Snow pulled up alongside the curb in her brand-new black Jeep Wrangler.

“Hey,” Snow said as she rolled down the window. “Do you need a ride, Regina?”

“I—yes,” she replied, sounding defeated. She walked around to the passenger side and got in. “Thank you.”

“How have you been?” Snow asked, making small conversation as she drove to the end of the street and made a left turn. “Aren’t you excited for the wedding, Regina? I cannot believe it’s almost here!”

“Yes. We’re all so very excited, Snow,” she said tightly, her sarcasm slipping past Snow easily. “I’m sure Emma will be happy once it’s over. She’s been under a lot of stress over the whole thing.”

“I know. I had no idea planning my daughter’s wedding would be so stressful! It takes a lot of time and work to make sure that everything is absolutely perfect for her and Killian.”

Regina nodded and fidgeted with the clasp on her purse, choosing not to say another word for the rest of the short drive to the diner. It wasn’t that Snow White annoyed her—at least not as _much_ anymore—she just couldn’t stand to be around the woman when she was gushing about the wedding or anything remotely relating to it. Yet, she had promised Emma shortly after Emma shared the news of her engagement, that she would play nice when it came to Snow White. It was the least she could do, really.

Another reason she stayed quiet was that she just could not get it out of her head that Emma had told her she’d been in love with her once. Did that mean she wasn’t anymore? The voice in the back of her head sarcastically told her that of course Emma wasn’t still in love with her if she was getting married to the useless pirate in two days. And Emma had said ‘too’ in the note, which told Regina that Emma _knew_ exactly how she felt even though she was convinced she’d done a spectacular job in hiding it all these years.

Regina’s stomach was twisting into knots by the time she followed Snow into the diner, which had been closed for the evening. A sign on the front door said; Closed for Private Function. She still didn’t quite know why Emma would have it at the diner when there were two other bars in the town to celebrate her bachelorette party at, but as soon as she walked inside behind Snow, she suddenly understood why.

The diner was more than just a place to get great food paired with good company. The diner had become the hub of their family, of their little group. The diner was practically a second home for everyone, so yes, it made complete sense that Emma was celebrating her second last night as a free woman at the place that was also like home to her.

There weren’t many people there, Regina noticed as she followed Snow to the back of the diner where the table of gifts had been set up beside the jukebox. Regina pulled out the card from the inside of her jacket pocket and placed it on the table beside a few wrapped gifts. Zelena was there already, chatting with Mulan as they sat at the counter sipping on margaritas. Ruby and Dorothy had made the trip from Oz, planning to stay in Storybrooke for five days because of the wedding, and they were cuddled up in a booth together and lost in their own world. Ashley was there, chatting with a few other women Regina couldn’t remember the names of, and everyone had a drink of sorts in their hand.

And Emma was nowhere to be seen.

“Come on, let’s go get ourselves a drink,” Snow said as she grabbed onto Regina’s elbow and led her over to the counter just as Granny emerged from the kitchen carrying a plate of finger-sized sandwiches and other little appetizers. “What are you having? Wine?”

“Sure,” Regina replied distractedly as she pulled off her jacket and draped it over an empty stool before placing her purse on top. “White, please.”

“Granny can we—”

“I told you before when I agreed to host this party,” Granny said gruffly as she picked up a glass of beer and took a sip. “Serve yourselves. I’m only on food duty tonight.”

Regina headed behind the counter and saw that the ice bin was filled with ice and various alcoholic beverages, bottles, and cans. She pulled out a bottle of white wine and inspected the label. It wasn’t a kind she’d normally drink, but it’d do to start the night off. She poured herself a glass and one for Snow.

“If I had known there weren’t going to be that many people, I would’ve offered to host this party in my home,” Regina said to Snow as she handed the glass to her. “Or, Emma could’ve easily hosted it at hers.”

“She wanted it to be here,” Snow replied and she looked around, turning to face Regina a moment later with a frown upon her face. “She’s not here yet.”

“No, she’s not.”

“That’s odd,” Snow said before she pulled out her phone. “I’m going to call her.”

Regina walked around to take a seat on the stool beside her things and sipped her wine. It was a little too sweet, but she took another sip anyway and looked around at the other women in the room. She smiled at the affectionate way Ruby and Dorothy were looking at one another and it caused her to have a pang in her heart. She wanted the same thing as most of the women in that very room had. She wanted to love again. She wanted someone to look at her and make her feel like she was the only one in the whole world they had eyes for.

It did nothing but remind her of the void in her heart and it made her feel empty.

It made her wonder if she’d made a mistake in coming there tonight in the first place. But no, she was there for Emma and she was there because Emma _wanted_ her to be there. She was there because her friend, her best friend was getting married in two days and, like any supportive friend, she had to be there.

“No answer?” Regina asked when Snow put her phone down on the counter in front of her with a frown.

“Straight to voicemail, which is odd. Her phone never goes straight to voicemail. She always has it on.”

“I’m sure she’s on her way, Snow.”

“That doesn’t explain why her phone is off.”

For the next twenty minutes, Snow and then Regina tried to call Emma. After half an hour after Emma was supposed to have shown up for her bachelorette party, her mother was beginning to get worried. Her phone was still off as every call went straight to her voicemail. The house line just rang and rang until the machine picked up. After an hour, Ruby offered to drive over to Emma’s house to see if she was still there and Dorothy offered to take a drive around town with Granny. Snow was on the phone with her husband, instructing him of different places to look for Emma, the first being the harbor where the idiot pirate docked his ship.

Regina, however, felt something was really off. She could always feel Emma, or her magic, and she’d realized that after they’d returned to the Enchanted Forest and lost nearly a year’s worth of memories. She could feel her in a way that was subtle, but there. A small buzz that she could feel coursing through her veins. It wasn’t there and the buzz she felt was from the two glasses of wine she’d drank over the last hour, mostly to try and calm her nerves and quiet her fears of what might possibly be going on.

“I’m sure she just fell asleep,” Snow said to Regina, nodding her head as her eyes filled with tears. She smiled and patted Regina on the shoulder. “David said she’d been working a lot lately. She’s just sleeping and probably forgot to set an alarm.”

“I saw her just after four. She came to my office.”

“David,” Snow said into the phone. “Did Emma come back to the station after four?” Snow paused and then shook her head no, frowning. “Okay. Just keep looking, honey. No, I haven’t—no. I haven’t asked her yet, David. Call me as soon as you find anything.”

“Ask who what?” Regina inquired. “Snow?”

“You know what? Fine,” Snow sighed. “Why haven’t you used a locator spell to find her?”

Regina raised an eyebrow. “As you said,” she said slowly. “She’s probably just sleeping. I’m sure we’ll hear from Ruby shortly when she finds Emma fast asleep at home.”

“Right. Of course,” Snow said apologetically.

Regina had already thought of doing just that not long after they’d put together their little search party. She knew it wouldn’t work, not the way everyone else was expecting. She could only teleport to Emma if Emma was nearby. Only if she was within the town lines. Regina already knew that Emma wasn’t in Storybrooke and just knowing that, it was spurring her worst fears wildly out of control.

Nobody knew that she could feel Emma. Not even Emma knew. It wasn’t the types of things they talked about. Regina didn’t know if Emma could feel her too. Their magic was powerful on their own, but together it was unlike any kind of power Regina had ever experienced before. They didn’t talk about that, but Regina had long since questioned how their magic was somehow linked together, feeding off of one another, because they truly were strongest when they were together.

By eleven, two hours after Emma hadn’t shown up for her bachelorette party, the small search party returned to the diner. David showed up with a search party of his own and the useless—and quite obviously drunk—pirate was one of them. Regina glowered angrily at him and the pathetic way he _pretended_ to care that his soon-to-be-wife was missing. She reached her tipping point far too quickly. It was the wine. Maybe it was something else.

“I don’t understand why she won’t do a locator spell. Bloody hell, Emma could be anywhere! She could be hurt. Something could’ve happened to her—”

“I can’t do a locator spell if she is outside of the town lines,” Regina snapped as she got into his face. She could smell the rum on his breath and it made her want to gag. “She’s not in Storybrooke.”

“And how do you know that, your majesty?” Hook growled. “You know something that we don’t?”

“I know nothing,” Regina said tightly and she shrugged off the pair of hands that grabbed her shoulders and was trying to ease her back away from the pirate. “I can only tell you that I know she’s not in Storybrooke.”

“How?” Snow asked and Regina turned around to look at her. She’d been the one trying to pull her back. “How do you know, Regina? Did she say something to you?”

“If she did, why would I keep that from you? Just to watch you all run around like a bunch of idiots looking for her if I knew where she was right now? That might have once been my own personal form of entertainment, but I think you know better than anyone in here, Snow White, that I am not longer that person.”

She always got defensive when it came to hiding her own feelings and tonight was no exception. It was the wine. It had to be the wine because Regina was suddenly feeling dizzy.

“I can feel her, usually,” Regina said. “Her magic,” she said, trying to put it into words that could be understood. “I can feel her magic.”

“And you don’t right now?”

“No.”

Snow frowned. “So, there is no hope in finding her with magic?”

“Not with any magic that I know,” Regina replied. She swallowed past the lump rising in her throat and ignored the fears that were starting to become more of a reality, one of them being that Emma ran away. She wasn’t the only one thinking it now, either, as the silence and knowing looks in the room said it all. “I’m sure she is okay, Snow.”

“I truly hope so. I hope we’re all worried to death over nothing.”

Regina looked over at the pirate, not surprised to see he had already stumbled his way over to the counter and was helping himself to a bottle of beer. Before she could even make a move, Snow’s hands were on her shoulders again and stopping her.

“it’s not worth it,” Snow whispered. “He’s just as worried as we all are.”

“Of course he is,” Regina spat and she removed Snow’s hands from her and grabbed her things off the stool. “I am going to go look for her. I will call you when and if I find her.”

She had to get out of there before she lost her cool completely. She stopped outside at one of the tables and put her purse down so she could slip on her jacket, the cool November air reminding her that winter was about to rear its ugly head and soon. She didn’t bother going to look for Emma. She knew Emma wasn’t in town and if Emma wasn’t in Storybrooke it meant she could be anywhere.

Regina returned home to find Henry still up and he was in the kitchen, the only light on was the one over the stove. He had his phone sitting out on the island countertop as he stood there eating a peanut butter sandwich. Regina knew, without having to say a word, that he knew his mother was missing. Nobody had told him as far as she knew and it was Snow who had informed everyone that knew Emma was missing not to bring Henry into it. Not yet, at least. If his mother was missing, it wouldn’t be long until he would need to know or he would figure it out for himself.

“Where is she, Mom?”

Regina put her purse down on the counter and shrugged her jacket off. “I don’t know, dear,” she said quietly. “How do you know—”

Henry hit the home button on his phone and pulled up the last text he’d gotten from his mother. Regina blinked as she picked up the phone and read what Emma had texted their son.

**_Kid, don’t worry about me. Everything will be all right. Don’t tell anyone about this until tomorrow if you can, please? I will explain everything when I get home. I promise._ **

“What does that mean, Mom?” Henry asked. “Did she leave?”

Regina scrolled up to read the previous messages and was surprised that there weren’t that many, but then again, she knew that Henry regularly deleted his texts out of habit. She walked around to sit on the stool beside him and started from the beginning.

**_Hey, what you doing right now, kid?_ **

**_I’m at school, Ma._ **

**_Still? The bell went off an hour ago._ **

**_I’m studying._ **

**_Want me to pick you up when you’re done?_ **

**_No. I’m walking Vi home._ **

**_Ok. Have fun._ **

**_Thanks._ **

The conversation, Regina noticed, took place just before Emma had shown up at her office. She looked up at Henry for a moment and he just shrugged, a blush creeping over his cheeks. He motioned down at the phone as he bit into his sandwich, indicating for her to keep reading.

**_Too late for a ride?_ **

**_Mom? Is it too late to get a ride?_ **

**_I’m walking to the station now._ **

**_Gramps said you left an hour ago. Where are you?_ **

**_Sorry, kid. Something came up._ **

**_Are you home now?_ **

**_Just walked in._ **

**_Is your mom home yet?_ **

**_No. Why?_ **

“She called me right about there,” Henry said pointing to the screen. “She sounded weird. I don’t know,” he said with a small shrug. “I asked her what came up and she said she had to pick something up for the party. Then we got cut off.”

“Did you call her back?”

“Yeah, she answered and said her service was spotty.”

Regina could see the lie in his eyes right away. He wasn’t telling her everything. “Henry,” she said firmly as she handed his phone back to him as the next message was the first one she’d read. “What did she say to you?”

“She didn’t want me to tell anyone,” Henry muttered under his breath. “She asked me not to, not until tomorrow at least.”

“Henry, what did she say?”

Henry took a deep breath and he looked conflicted. He looked scared. He looked angry. “She said she can’t do this anymore,” he said. “She can’t stay here. She can’t marry Hook. She said it’s probably just cold feet and that maybe all she needs to do is take a long drive somewhere that isn’t here and that she’ll snap out of it and come home soon. She didn’t tell me where she was or where she was going. Do you know where she is, Mom?”

“I don’t. Did she say anything else to you?”

“No, we got cut off again and then like an hour later she sent that text. Her phone is off.”

“I know. We’ve been trying to get ahold of her since nine.”

“You don’t think that anything happened to her, do you?” Henry asked and suddenly he sounded like he was five again with the small way his voice sounded. “She’s coming home, isn’t she?”

_I don’t know_ , were the words that Regina wanted to say, but she didn’t say anything at all. _Yes_ , would be both a lie and a broken promise, and _no_ would fuel the fire of hopelessness that was already brewing with both of them.

Emma was long gone and making their son promise not to say anything until the next day told Regina that she was giving herself as much of a head start as she possibly could. Her worry grew into anger quickly. She was angry that Emma left like that, angry that Emma told their son, and angry that she’d decided to be selfish and take the easy way out instead of standing up and being a mature, sensible adult to deal with how she really felt.

“You should go to bed,” Regina said as she reached out to ruffle his hair. “And you need to get a haircut soon, Henry.”

“Mom,” Henry groaned as he pulled back from her. “Leave the hair alone. It’s fine.”

“Then go on upstairs and brush your teeth before you go to bed.”

“I’m fifteen,” Henry said with a roll of his eyes, but he slipped off the stool and brought his plate to the sink. “I don’t need to be reminded to brush my teeth before bed anymore, Mom.”

“All right.”

“Will you wake me up if she—if she turns up or whatever?” Henry asked and Regina simply just nodded her head. “Thanks. Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight, Henry.”


	2. Chapter 2

DECEMBER

A month after Emma’s disappearance, nobody had given up on trying to find her. Her parents, especially, as they’d traveled to Boston and New York in hopes of finding her. They involved the police in both states and then beyond and on the third trip to Boston, Regina tagged along with them. She saw the missing person posters around the city, posters plastered with Emma’s picture and her basic information. But the posters were few and far in between the next time they went back there, just a week after she left.

The police in New Jersey found her beloved yellow Bug abandoned in a parking lot at the beginning of December, two weeks after she left. A week after that, the detective who had taken the case, called her parents to inform them he had managed to track her cell phone to a small town in northern California. Regina had been at the airport in Boston waiting with her parents and Henry when David got a call from the detective saying that her phone had been stolen and they found it in the possession of a foreigner who claimed to have bought the phone in Salt Lake City.

There were no leads. The only thing they had was the security footage from the convenience store where she’d parked her car. Emma had just left it in the small lot and walked away with nothing but the clothes on her back. The bag she’d packed was found in the backseat when the police first found her car.

Henry had his own ideas, his own theories. _Maybe she found a way to go to a different world, you know? Maybe she found magic somewhere else and used it there so we wouldn’t know_. It was a possibility, but everyone knew that in that realm, magic only existed strongly in Storybrooke and nowhere else.

The pirate was proven to be as useless as Regina knew he was. He knew nothing. She’d questioned him quite a few times, drilling every ounce of information out of him that he had, even threatening him with torture if she found out he was lying to her. Most days, he was always around, always trying to be helpful on where he thought Emma could be, but he knew nothing. Nothing at all. Other days, Regina would see him around town, stumbling around drunk, or she didn’t see him at all.

She preferred it when she didn’t see him at all. The sight of him stirred up a deep loathing that even her former self would’ve been impressed with. She tried to avoid him when she could, too, but with Snow insisting they all meet regularly to try and figure out where Emma had disappeared to meant she saw him more often than not.

Two days before Christmas, the mood was as somber and dreary as the weather was outside. Regina hadn’t wanted to decorate, but Henry convinced her to at least put the tree up in the den. _It’s Christmas, Mom. Maybe she’ll come home for Christmas?_

Regina sat in the den a few hours after she and Henry put the decorations on the tree together, and watched as the light from the fire made the silver and purple decorations sparkle. She could hear Henry upstairs in his room playing his video games, the sound of gunfire almost constant. It started to grate on her nerves after an hour and she headed upstairs to his room and found him lying on his bed with the controller in his hand. He paused the game when she lightly knocked on the open door.

“Is it too loud?” Henry asked. “I can turn it down or put the headphones on.”

“It’s getting late,” Regina said. “You need to go to bed.”

“It’s barely ten,” Henry groaned. He tossed the controller beside him on the bed when Regina walked over to turn the TV off. “What are we doing tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

“It’s Christmas Eve,” Henry reminded her. “Aren’t we going to—”

“Your grandparents’ house? No. Not that I know of. They aren’t—”

“They’re not having everyone over for dinner?”

“I don’t think they’re feeling much like celebrating this year, Henry. None of us are.”

“You guys all act like she’s never coming home,” Henry said, his voice rising slightly as he got up from his bed. “You act like she’s _dead_ and she’s not!”

“Henry—”

“It’s Christmas!” Henry all but yelled at her and he took a deep breath to calm down. “it’s Christmas, Mom. She wouldn’t want us to stop living our lives just because she isn’t here with us, you know.”

“I think that perhaps you are right,” Regina said quietly and she sat down on the edge of his bed. “We shouldn’t stop living our lives just because she isn’t here. I’ll call Snow in the morning and see if we can whip something up in time for dinner tomorrow night, all right?”

“Okay,” Henry sighed and he sat down beside her. “Why hasn’t she come home, Mom? Why hasn’t she told any of us where she is or if she’s okay?”

“I don’t know, dear,” Regina said with a frown. “Perhaps, wherever she is, she isn’t ready to come back just yet.”

“I don’t understand _why_ ,” he whispered and Regina reached up to wipe away the tears as they rolled down his cheeks. “If she didn’t want to marry him, she should’ve just said so. She didn’t have to run away like some kind of a coward. She promised me she would come home. She promised me that she would explain everything.”

“I know, Henry.”

“You’re her best friend,” he said. “Do you know why she left and hasn’t come home yet?”

“I don’t. I wish I did, Henry, but I don’t. We never—we didn’t talk about these kinds of things. We weren’t—” Regina stumbled over her words, her own emotions getting to her. “We weren’t close like that. You know that.”

“Do you think she’ll ever come back?”

“Of course,” Regina said as she wrapped her arms around her son and hugged him tightly, almost as if to reassure him. “She wouldn’t leave you forever, Henry. If anything would make her come home, it would be for you.”

“No,” Henry whispered as he leaned back to look into Regina’s tear-filled eyes. “The only reason she would come back is for _you_ , Mom.”

Regina felt fear as she looked at the knowing look in her son’s eyes. He _knew_. “I think it’s time for bed, Henry,” she deflected and she leaned forward to place a kiss on his forehead before ruffling his hair. ‘You look so much more handsome when it’s short.”

“We’re not going through this again, are we?” Henry asked as he rolled his eyes. “I’m not cutting my hair! I’m growing it out. Vi said that she likes it better that way.”

“All right, dear,” Regina said with a small smile. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Regina didn’t sleep much at all that night, not after that conversation with Henry and especially not after that look she’d seen in his eyes. Regina thought about the last time she’d seen Emma and the note that Emma had left her.

_I was in love with you once, too. I wish you’d been brave enough to tell me. I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you. I’m sorry._

Regina had hidden that post-it, along with the others from that afternoon, in her bedside drawer. She never told anyone about them, not even Henry. It would stir up too many questions she would never be able to answer. Answers she’d refuse to say aloud, even to herself. Deep down, Regina had a feeling that she already knew why Emma had left and she had a feeling that it had to do with what was written on that damn post-it.

[X]

Maleficent showed up at her office three days after Christmas. She hadn’t seen the woman much since her long-lost daughter had come to Storybrooke and she was surprised when Mal walked into her office after telling her secretary off. Regina removed her reading glasses and closed the document she had open on her laptop as Mal strolled in and slammed the door shut behind her.

“Maleficent,” she said as she placed her glasses down on her desk. “What can I do for you?”

“Hello, Regina,” Mal said as she walked over to her desk, her heels clicking sharply on the tiled floor. “How are you?”

“Is this a social visit?” Regina asked. “I’m terribly busy, so if it is, it’ll have to wait until after lunch.”

“No,” Mal said before she sat down in the chair in front of her desk and removed her leather gloves. “I just returned from a conference in London. I’ll spare you the boring details,” she said flippantly. “Imagine my surprise when Lily told me that she ran into Emma just hours before our flight home.”

“You saw Emma? In London?”

Mal shook her head. “No, Lily did,” she stated simply. “But,” she continued with a roll of her eyes, “it turns out that it wasn’t her. Lily said it could’ve been her twin, just with different hair. This woman claimed she wasn’t Emma, but Lily was convinced she was lying. Now, being the good friend that I am of yours, I decided to go and see for myself. I know you’ve been trying to find her since she went missing, after all.”

“Mal, I do not have time for your games or stories right now,” Regina said tightly. “Would you please just get straight to the point? Was this woman Emma or not?”

“No,” Mal said, hesitating a little. “Actually, I’m not sure. It certainly looked like her.”

Regina scoffed. “Why are you wasting my time, Maleficent?” she asked. “You know that I’m busy. Get out.”

“I just thought you’d be interested, maybe go and see for yourself if it is her or not. You do know her a hell of a lot better than any of us do.”

“You drop this information on me and expect me to what? Jump on the next plane to England and see for myself if it is Emma or not?” Regina asked incredulously. “Even if it is her, Mal—”

“Suit yourself, dear,” Mal said flippantly as she stood up from the chair. She reached into her purse and pulled out a small piece of paper that was folded in half. “If your curiosity gets to the better of you, and we both know it will, Regina, at least you have somewhere to start.”

Regina didn’t open the paper until Maleficent walked out of her office. Written on the paper was an address. Regina wasn’t going to go all the way across an ocean just to see for herself that this woman who looked like Emma was really her or not. That was a completely ridiculous idea and she just couldn’t figure out what game Maleficent was playing with her this time.

Zelena concluded later that afternoon that it sounded like a lead. They didn’t have anything and at least _this_ was something. Regina still thought it sounded ridiculous and nearly zapped her sister out of her office. She should’ve because Snow White chose that exact moment to show up there unannounced just as her previous two visitors had, and Snow being Snow, she’d overheard almost the entire conversation.

“Were you both eavesdropping earlier when Maleficent was here?” Regina asked as she glared at Snow and then over at Zelena. “Honestly, I think it’s absolute bullshit. Mal is just playing games.”

“Why would she do that?”

“She’s evil!”

“She’s reformed!” Zelena shouted defensively. “She’s taken the road to redemption the same way you and I have! You know that!”

“Are you friends with Maleficent?” Snow looked horrified as she stared at Zelena and took a step away from her. “Are you friends with her too, Regina?”

“It was an unspoken rule between the three of us that we didn’t mention it because we didn’t want you to find out,” Zelena snapped. “There goes out wickedly thrilling evenings of too much wine and gossip!”

Regina pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “One time, Zelena, that happened one time. And yes, Snow, Maleficent is a friend…of sorts. It doesn’t stop her from playing her little games.”

“So, you’re saying that this cannot be true? That it really isn’t Emma?” Snow asked with a frown. “How do we really know that, Regina?”

“Do you really want to have that kind of hope, Snow?” Regina asked. “Every so-called lead that we’ve followed hasn’t been one at all! It’s led us nowhere and we still haven’t found her. We’re not going to fly across the ocean just because—”

“No, we’re not,” Snow said firmly. “You are.”

“No.”

“What if it is her, Regina?” Snow pleaded. “What if it is?”

“Then you go. You go and find out for sure.”

“I—I can’t,” Snow said shakily. “She’ll run. She’ll run from anyone who isn’t you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do, I know that and a lot more,” she said and she looked at Regina in a way that made Regina’s wall slam up. “Regina, we all know why Emma really left.”

“Oh, enlighten us, Snow,” Zelena laughed and she sat down on the sofa, facing them with a wide smile on her face. “Why did Emma leave? The real reason.”

“Unless Emma left a note behind that we missed all this time we’ve been looking for her, no one knows the real reason why she left or why she still hasn’t come home,” Regina snapped. “This is absolutely ridiculous. Both of you are being ridiculous. Even if this woman _is_ her, she’ll be long gone before any of us get there.”

“You’re right,” Snow said softly, her voice deflating and she sat down in the chair in front of Regina’s desk with a heavy sigh. “Emma told me once, a long time ago, that she’d had to disappear a few times before over the years. I think she is doing it again. She told me that she knew how to stay lost if she didn’t want to be found.”

“I don’t know why she just didn’t disappear into another realm,” Zelena muttered from the sofa. “It would be so much easier to get lost that way.”

That wasn’t the way that Emma wanted to get lost and Regina knew that. If she truly wanted to be gone, she would’ve gone to another realm, but Emma was smart. She knew that’d be the first thing they would do to try and find her. Getting lost in this world was easier for Emma and harder for them to find her with magic.

“Well,” Zelena said, breaking the heavy silence that settled in the room. “If it is her, at least we know she’s alive. Isn’t that better than nothing at all?”

“It’s not enough,” Snow said, tears sliding down her cheeks. “It’s just not enough.”

It would never be enough.

But it was all that they had.

[X]

It was quiet in the building as most of the employees had left early that day. Regina’s calendar reminded her that it was New Year’s Eve and the note that had been attached to it months before also reminded her that it was Henry’s year to spend it with Emma. Emma and the useless pirate that would’ve been her husband if she had stayed. Regina deleted the note as soon as it had popped up.

Henry, of course, remembered as he texted Regina early that afternoon to remind her that he was supposed to be with his other mother for New Year’s Eve. He was still going to the house, Emma’s house. Regina hated the very idea of it because she’d seen the state that the pirate had been in since Emma left. She didn’t want her son around him at all, but she couldn’t talk Henry out of it either, not after Henry told her it’d make him miss her a little less just being at her house.

Regina stayed behind once everyone left, finishing up on some of the budget reports she planned to send out after the holidays. By the time she was getting ready to leave, she was surprised that it was already dark outside. Dark and snowing, she soon discovered as she hurried across the parking lot in the snow that had fallen, careful not to slip in her heels along the way.

There was a bottle of wine chilling in the fridge and a long, lonely night waiting for her as soon as she got home. The snow had picked up and it made the short drive treacherous and long. She had barely closed the door and shook off the snow from her jacket when the phone that was in the study began to ring. Quickly she kicked off her heels and rushed into the room to answer it and the line crackled with static for a moment due to the storm raging outside.

The line went dead and she frowned as she hung the phone up. She pulled out her cell phone from her blazer jacket and found that she had no signal. It was the damn storm and it always happened when the weather got really bad. She walked into the kitchen as it was the only phone in the house that had call display. She didn’t recognize that number at all and the area code was from another state.

“Telemarketers,” she muttered under her breath as she pulled the bottle of wine out of the fridge. “Now where is that corkscrew?”

With a shake at her head for sounding so lonely as she talked to herself, she found the corkscrew in the drawer and proceeded to open the bottle of Merlot she’d been looking forward to all day. Just as she pulled the cork, the phone began to ring again only this time it was a number she recognized.

“Hello, Snow,” she said when she answered it on the third ring. “For the tenth time, no I am not coming to your party tonight. I would appreciate it if you’d stop bothering me and—”

“Regina,” Snow’s voice sounded small and barely audible over the slight static on the line. “They found her. They found Emma.”

Her heart stopped, just for a moment, and then it began to race. “What?” she asked as she reached out with her free hand to brace herself against the counter. “Who found her? Where is she? Snow?”

“The police, in Boston,” Snow sniffled and Regina’s whole body froze. Snow wasn’t crying because she was happy, she realized, she was crying because she was absolutely devastated. “We—we need to go there to identify the body.”

“What?” Regina’s vision blurred a little as a faint buzzing started to rise in volume. She wasn’t sure if it was the static on the line or in her head. “What did you just say?”

“Regina, she’s—”

The line went dead and seconds later the lights flickered twice before the whole house fell dark. Regina dropped the phone on top of the counter and for a moment, the whole world seemed to stop and fall just as dark as the house had. Then she was suddenly standing in a dimly lit room and she blinked when she realized she had teleported herself to the Charming’s loft.

David nearly jumped as he fumbled with a match to light a candle, several others already burning. Snow was curled on the couch, phone still in her hand as she wailed. Regina stood there in silence, watching Snow cry and David as his hand shook while he tried to light another candle.

“What the hell is going on?”

David stepped towards her and she saw the tears fall from his eyes one by one. “Regina—”

“Just tell me,” she demanded. “Is she dead?”

“They think it is her,” he said quietly. He wet his lips and took another step forward. “They’re not sure, but they think that it is her.”

“It might not be,” Regina said, more so to convince herself. “Who called you?”

“Detective Halley. He didn’t say much, just that he wanted us to come and identify the body they found today that matches Emma’s description.”

“Well we certainly cannot drive to Boston in this storm to find out for ourselves if it is her, can we?” Regina snapped and she was shaking from the torrent of emotions going through her all at once. “We can’t tell anyone until we know for sure.”

“But what if it is her?” Snow asked. “What if it is her, Regina?”

She didn’t know. Nobody did. Regina felt that emptiness in her heart as it grew more and more with every second that passed. It was an emptiness that felt heavier than the darkness ever had. It made her numb. All those fears she’d tried to shut out of her mind were coming back to the surface.

“As soon as this storm passes, we will make the drive to Boston and find out,” Regina said. David moved to sit on the couch with his wife, trying to console her. “Not a word to anyone, especially not Henry. If it isn’t her there is no point in getting distraught over nothing, is there?”

“She’s right,” David said quietly. “It might not even be her. Snow, the detective said there is a good chance it might not be her. We won’t know unless we see for ourselves.”

“What about the baby?” Snow asked as she motioned to where the 2-year-old was sleeping soundly in his bed. “We can’t—”

“I’ll watch him,” Regina offered. “You two should be the ones that go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Neal will be fine,” Regina said. “You two should get some sleep. You have a long drive ahead of you once this storm passes. I’ll come back for Neal when it’s time for you to go in the morning.”

Regina was gone in an instant, back to her kitchen where she was greeted by the darkness. She felt her stomach twisting in knots, making her feel sick and she placed a shaky hand over her abdomen, willing the feeling to pass by quickly. It didn’t and she stumbled through the kitchen, the floor feeling as if it were about to fall out from underneath her. Just as she reached the bottom of the staircase, the lights flickered back on.

She barely made it to the bathroom before succumbed to the nausea. It felt never-ending, the rolling wave of emptiness and numbness that caused her stomach to continue to twist and turn and heave.

It was the sound of the phone ringing not long after that pulled her out of the void she’d fallen into soon after the nausea had passed by. The phone continued to ring as she tried to get up from the floor where she’d fallen to her knees and it continued to ring even after it took her a few minutes to make it down the hall to her room to answer it.

“Hello?” Regina asked weakly when she finally answered the phone.

There was a pause and then a click. “Hello, I’m calling to inform you that you’ve won a random draw in—”

Regina just screamed as she threw the phone at the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

JANUARY

It was two days before the storm let up. Two days of endless torture, of the endless ‘what if it’s not really her’, and two days of clinging to that hope like a lifeline. Regina had barely slept, barely ate, barely did anything. Henry, thankfully, hadn’t noticed. He returned only that morning and holed himself up in his room to work on an essay that was due after the winter break.

Snow and David dropped off the baby that afternoon, looking exactly how Regina felt. They didn’t say too much at all and after they’d left, Regina sat down with the fussy toddler and tried to entertain him with coloring books she remembered Henry loved to scribble in when he was that age. It failed to keep him from crying and it was only after Regina had started to pace around the house with the toddler in her arms, that Henry emerged from his room.

“What’s Neal doing here?” He asked in confusion. “Are Grandma and Gramps here?”

“They…went out,” Regina replied and she pried the toddler’s sticky fingers from making a tangled mess of her hair. “I’m babysitting, as you can see.”

“Henry!” Neal squealed as soon as he realized that Henry was there now.

“Want me to take him?” Henry asked as Neal started to reach out for him. Regina gratefully handed Neal over to him. “What’s wrong, Neal?”

“Down!” Neal demanded, his face scrunched and his cheeks turning pink as he squirmed in Henry’s arms.

“Do you want to play?” Henry asked as he put the toddler down on his feet. “Neal!”

Regina sighed as she watched Neal run off down the hall, albeit a little clumsily. She remembered the terrible-two’s all too well as Henry had been a very defiant child at that age, too. Henry looked over at Regina helplessly.

“Do you want me to go after him?” Henry asked as they both watched Neal run into Henry’s bedroom down the hall. “Neal, get out of my room!”

Regina wasn’t too far behind, but neither of them was quick enough to reach the room before they heard the crash and then the sound of Neal shrieking immediately afterward. She ran down the hall after Henry and immediately scooped the toddler up from the floor, careful not to step on the lamp that had fallen off Henry’s desk and broken into little pieces on the floor.

“Is he okay?” Henry asked as Regina quickly checked him over.

“He’s fine. He must’ve just knocked it over by accident. I think it just startled him,” she said and she smoothed hand up and down the toddler’s back to soothe him. “Shh, little prince, it’s all right. You’re all right.”

“I sorry,” he cried into Regina’s neck. “I’m sorry, Gina.”

“Henry, go downstairs and fetch the broom,” Regina said as she reached to unplug the broken lamp from the power bar on the desk. “I’ll calm him down. It’ll be all right. All that matters is that no one got hurt.”

Neal was still crying when Henry returned a few minutes later with the broom and dustpan. Regina put Neal on the bed and was firm in her instructions for him to stay right where he was and she helped Henry clean up the mess quickly. By the time they’d swept up all the little pieces of the broken lamp, Neal had all but cried himself to sleep. Regina carried him down to the den where his playpen had been set up and placed him inside. She collapsed on the couch nearby with a sigh of exhaustion.

The phone rang twice before she heard Henry answer it and then she heard his footsteps in the foyer before he walked into the den with the cordless phone in his hand. “It’s Gramps,” he said as he held out the phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Hello?” Regina said as she placed the phone to her ear, her hand shaking slightly.

“It’s her,” David said quietly.

“I—” A sob choked out as she struggled to hold onto the phone. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Regina covered her mouth with her hand as tears filled her eyes and the emptiness is her heart grew bigger and deeper. Henry nearly collapsed as he made his way over to her and he grabbed onto her tightly as they started to cry together. Regina grabbed onto the front of Henry’s shirt, balling the soft cotton into her fist as anger began to course through her body.

“We—we have to stay and uh make arrangements. Can you—will you watch Neal until we come home?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Of course.”

“Can I ask you for a favor?”

“Anything, David.”

“Can you make a couple of phone calls? I don’t—we can’t—”

“Yes, of course. Who do you want me to call?”

“Everyone,” he stated quietly. “Everyone that matters. Everyone that needs to know.”

[X]

There was no funeral. There was no open casket or viewing or even a last goodbye. The only thing the Charming’s came home with from Boston was the cremated remains of Emma Swan in a tacky yellow urn that pissed Regina off as soon as she saw it.

Everything set her off these days and that was no exception. Though she knew why there was no funeral and why Emma was cremated, it was what Emma wanted, it still didn’t stop her from being angry. The darkness in her heart crept back bit by bit in the days that followed and it wasn’t just happening to her. Emma’s death was affecting all of them and the loss loomed over them like an angry dark cloud that wouldn’t go away.

Henry locked himself in his room for three days straight, barely opening the door long enough for Regina to force him to take whatever food she’d brought for him to eat. Snow did much of the same, not emerging from the loft for over a week and David, he was doing his best to keep going for his family, returning to work at the station as if it were any other normal day just a few days after they returned from Boston. Nobody knew where the pirate was, either. He’d disappeared soon after Regina had called him, figuring that the least she could do for the man that was supposed to marry Emma just days after she’d left was to make sure he was one of the first to know.

The details surrounding her death hinged on nothing more than speculation. The whereabouts of Emma Swan before her death were still unknown and the cause of her death had been ruled an accident by the coroner. Even as the weeks went on, they were unable to find out any more details surrounding her disappearance or how she ended up being found dead in the Boston harbor.

On the last day of the month, while Regina was rushing through typing up the monthly budget report, Maleficent showed up at her office out of the blue. She was quick to apologize for getting their hopes up, now convinced herself that the woman she and Lily had seen in London truly wasn’t Emma at all.

“I wouldn’t have said anything had I known,” Mal said softly. “It sure looked like her, though, that’s for sure.”

“Well, it wasn’t her. I don’t know why you are even here, Mal. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I’m still sorry, Regina.”

“For what?”

Maleficent just smiled sadly as she reached out to pull Regina in for a hug. “I’m sorry for your loss, Regina. I know what she meant to you, to your son,” she whispered before letting her go. “When you are feeling up to it, come over and visit sometime. It’d be good for you to get out of the house and out of here too, you know.”

“Maybe. I’ll think about it.”


	4. Chapter 4

FEBRUARY

Whenever it snowed, it brought an ache to Regina’s heart, adding to the deeper ache that didn’t seem to go away at all. The snow crunched under her boots as she walked up the front walkway, her arms full of groceries she’d stopped to pick up on the way home. She fumbled with her keys and muttered under her breath as they fell to the ground with a soft thump.

“Henry, I need a hand out here, please!” Regina called out in hopes that he would hear her inside. “Henry!”

“Sorry,” Henry said a few minutes later when he opened the front door. “I forgot to unlock it for you. I’m sorry.”

“Just give me a hand with these bags, please,” Regina said and she handed the heavier one to him after he’d picked up her keys from the ground. “Will you help me put the groceries away before I start dinner?”

“Of course, Mom.”

Henry led the way into the kitchen and they quickly put the groceries away together before Regina pulled out the chicken that was thawing in the refrigerator and put the package on the counter. Henry looked tired, more so than he had earlier that day when she sent him off to school that morning.

“Are you feeling all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, Mom. Why?”

“You don’t look so great right now. Are you getting sick?” Regina asked, lifting a hand up to check his forehead. “You’re awfully warm, dear, and your eyes are red. Are you sure you are all right, Henry?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Henry.”

“I miss her, Mom,” he said, his voice trembling as the tears spilled out. “I really miss her.”

“I know,” Regina said, fighting back her own tears as she pulled him in for a hug “I really miss her too, Henry.”

“I still don’t understand why she just left.” His voice sounded so small, so childlike. It broke Regina’s heart completely to hear him like that. “We’re never going to know why she left us, are we?”

“I don’t know.”

At the beginning of the month, Regina had brought Henry to talk to Dr. Hopper since it was clear he was taking Emma’s death the hardest of everyone. It seemed to help, the daily sessions he had with the doctor after school every day, as he didn’t seem so to be as depressed as he had been a few weeks before.

“Would you like to talk about it, dear?” Regina asked when she saw Henry fighting the losing battle in trying to contain his tears. “Would you like to talk about her?”

“I don’t want to cry anymore today, Mom.”

“All right, dear. Do you want to give me a hand with dinner?”

“I have homework I’d like to finish first if that’s okay?”

She knew that wasn’t the only reason he didn’t want to stay and help her. She knew he wanted to go back up to the safe haven of his room and cry alone, just as he did most days. She couldn’t blame him as she did the very same thing every night and hid behind her walls, void of most emotion for a majority of the day. She let him retreat back to his bedroom without another word and she got started on dinner.

That night was the first night that she had her first dream of Emma since she’d disappeared. Not that she didn’t dream of her before that, but it was still surprising to her nonetheless. The dream had been fairly brief too and it followed an odd dream about something Zelena had mentioned a few days before about a nightmare she’d been having herself of the chicken she’d cooked for dinner coming back to life to torture her with a slow, grilling death.

It was of that afternoon, the last time that she’d seen Emma, only it didn’t end with Emma just walking out after Regina used the silencing spell on her. In her dream it went far differently. At least it began that way until the incessant beeping of her alarm clock woke her up. The last thing she remembered from the dream was Emma telling her that she used to be in love with her instead of her reading it on a post-it.

It’d be the only time she had a dream of Emma for a long time afterward, but it wasn’t something she could just forget completely. Not when she longed to have heard those very words since she’d read them on that stupid damn post-it.

And every day after that, she never went to sleep at night without reading the damn thing. Over and over again.


	5. Chapter 5

MAY

Spring came quickly that year, teasing with its warm breezes that almost promised that there would be hot summer days soon ahead. Near the 6thmonth eve of Emma’s death, the weather took a turn, bringing with it a hot blast of humid air.

Along with that came an outdated power grid that couldn’t handle that kind of weather after just a couple days of it with no relief in sight. It had Regina scrambling to figure out how to fix it, at least somewhat temporarily. The spell around the town line that kept it hidden and its magic contained now only did the latter. Storybrooke had a handful of new residents and visitors passed by now and then. The warmer weather was changing that, too, Regina found out after the power crisis went into full gear, and with warmer temperatures meant not just visitors. Tourists.

Regina fed off that stress, it kept her anger at bay, and it helped her forget about the weight of her empty heart. The town was ill-prepared to host an influx of tourists that showed up on the last day of the heatwave, and dozens of twenty-somethings camped out on the beaches for the next couple of days after that.

In the scramble to solve several problems at once, Regina put together a council to deal with the tourists. Thankfully the heatwave was chased off by a rather fierce storm, and with that drove the tourists out rather quickly. Two birds with one stone. Almost.

Until more showed up just a few days later, quickly renting out the eight rooms that Granny had at the inn. Regina discovered that when she walked into the diner for lunch and it was packed. _Packed_.

“Who are all these people?” Regina asked Granny after she found the woman in her office. “Did those tourists come back? I thought they left?”

“New ones,” Granny replied without looking up from the paper in front of her. Regina squinted as she looked at the front. It was The New York Times. Granny looked at the front too and scoffed. “These tourists like to bring things with them, including the paper. It’s kind of nice to read about the real world now and again.”

“You don’t have the internet, do you?”

“Absolutely not,” Granny said firmly. “So, what are you going to do about all of these people now in your town, Mayor Mills?”

“We need to figure something out,” Regina sighed. Granny looked up at her then, the hard look in her eyes softening. “We can’t stop them from coming here anymore.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“I’m suggesting that I may need you on the council that’s supposed to be dealing with this.”

“Well, that council is bullshit for far too many reasons to count and I can’t be bothered, but let me tell you what I think you should do,” Granny said and she motioned for Regina to come in a little closer before she dropped her voice to a whisper. “Drive them all out.”

“What?”

“I’m joking,” Granny laughed and she shook her head before wiping a single tear away. Still laughing, she sat back and said simply to Regina, “if you start charging them for sleeping out on the beach in those fancy tents of theirs, you’ll make twice as much as I do on a good week. And trust me, Regina, this has been a _very_ good week.”

“Why would I do such a thing?”

Granny rubbed her fingers together. “Money,” she said. “Revenue for the town. God knows we need it. How many times did the power fail during that deadly heatwave we just had? If it weren’t for all the tourists, most of my supply would’ve gone to waste due to proper refrigeration!”

“Nobody died, Eugenia. You can’t call it deadly if nobody died,” Snow said as she appeared in the open doorway. She was the only one to ever call Granny by her name and not get an earful. “I think she’s on to something here, Regina. It does sound like a good way to make money and the town needs it. I saw the budget report. We need a lot more than we actually have if we want to solve that power problem.”

“We’ve survived through worse weather in the Enchanted Forest. We can survive here,” Regina replied. “What are you doing here, Snow?”

“I was looking for you, actually.”

“Why?”

“I came with a proposal for a real solution to our sudden population boom,” she replied and pointed to the god-awful ugly bag she was carrying. “But,” she laughed and pulled out her iPad. “What?” she asked after Granny and Regina gave her an incredulous look. “It’s great, actually! David bought it for me for my birthday. Anyway, my proposal isn’t as great as Granny’s. Hers makes the most sense.”

Snow turned her attention to her iPad, swiping over the screen a few times before turning it to Regina and Granny.

“I was going to suggest a book drive at the school to raise money. I almost went with a charity dinner, but that seemed too—anyway, Granny’s idea is best,” she said and she casually slipped her iPad back into her back after giving the two of them a brief look at the slideshow she had prepared on it. “How much are you charging these tourists for your rooms, Granny?”

“That’s none of your damned business,” Granny said in a huff. “I’m charging them fairly. One-twenty a night, ten extra for more than two in a room. Not including the extra thirty for a full breakfast on the house each morning. It’s an extra fifteen if you stay past three nights in a row.”

“That seems excessive, doesn’t it?” Regina asked. “This isn’t the city. Besides, on the house means you don’t charge extra for it.”

“Ruby told me of these places charging the same for much less. I ain’t doing anything wrong. According to the rest of the very country that we live in here and now, I am an American citizen and I am doing what I’m meant to be doing and that is living the American dream. A part of the American dream is to make it, and in order to make it, well—”

“Eugenia,” Snow said with a frown. “We are not a part of the rest of the world and we are only here because of the curse—”

“Oh Snow White, are you ever going to grow up and realize that yes, we live in the real goddamned world now?” Granny yelled out at her. Regina took a step back towards the door then as she’d never seen such fury in Granny’s eyes before. “We’re not living in some fairytale anymore. When are you going to realize that, hmm?”

Snow ran out of the diner in tears. Regina left shortly afterward and ended up sitting in her car just staring at the new tourists that now plagued her once peaceful and quiet town.

Gone were the days of living through yet another curse or another villain they had to fight and defeat. Gone were the days where magic was a threat and though it still very much existed, it was ever very rarely used. It was something Regina tried not to think into existence as she quite liked the pace that life had become. There was no denying it that a life without surprises was a life that left Regina wondering if the next surprise would ever come at all.

And it left her wondering how long it’d be before the tourists left for good.

[X]

Over lunch with her sister the next day, Regina realized that her current problems and the source of her work-related stress could be solved. Two birds _could_ be killed with one stone. She told Zelena what Granny had been doing, how much she’d been charging the tourists that had come to town, and then asked her what her opinion was when it came to turning the beach into a camping ground, so to speak.

“I think it’s a brilliant way to make money, Regina,” Zelena said with a curt nod and she used her chopsticks to pick up the last piece of sushi on her plate. “God knows this town needs the money. We’re on the map now.  Literally. Tourists are going to come and go. There’s no stopping that from happening. The only thing we can do is profit from this boom.”

“Something about it all feels…illegal.”

“It’s not, sis,” Zelena said. “Plenty of other little towns who get the same kind of tourist booms profit that way too. Besides, right now, Storybrooke is _the_ place for these young kids coming here. It’s such a charming little town, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I like the idea of strangers coming to my town like this. Zelena, what if—”

“What if something happens?” Zelena laughed darkly. “Dear, _nothing_ has happened since Emma went missing. Don’t jinx it. I quite like living this reformed life, believe it or not.”

“As do I.”

“Our biggest problem is how to deal with these people and where to put them when they show up in town looking to spend a few days away from their busy little city lives. You should be grateful that this is your only problem these days.”

“So, we go ahead and do what Granny has been doing?”

“Absolutely.”

“There is just one problem. Granny only has eight rooms at the inn. Henry told me this morning that he literally counted all of these tourists that were on the beach alone. He told me there were over a hundred tents set up and twice as many people.”

“The whole tourist season has only just begun. We need to solve that problem and fast.”

Regina placed her chopsticks down on her empty plate and sighed. “We need another inn,” she stated after a moment. “What are we going to do?”

“Well, as I overheard last night at the Rabbit Hole, these people are what is called millennials. They like kitschy things, much like our town. Henry actually suggested something to me that I’m quite interested in.”

“Oh? What did he suggest?”

“Airbnb.”

“What the hell is that?”

“I rent out my home under the guise of it being a bed and breakfast, per se. He told me I could charge over two thousand a week. Two thousand a _week_ , Regina.”

“How can you rent out your home if you and Robyn are living in it?”

Zelena grinned and Regina didn’t like the look in her eyes at all. “Well, you have a nice big house with plenty of room, do you not?” Zelena asked sweetly. “It would only be for the tourist season, the peak season Henry called it, which is just about to begin.”

“So, you want to move into my house with your daughter from now until when, exactly?”

“September. Don’t worry, sis, I’ll share some of the profits with you.”

“This doesn’t solve the problem with those people using the beach to camp out on, Zelena.”

“So, you charge them to pitch a tent, as Granny suggested you do. Right now, there is nowhere else in this entire country that allows just anyone to pitch a tent and camp out for free. The town can benefit from that money. I know you need that money to fix the power grid. You can make enough to do that in a month with these millennial tourists that are plaguing our town.”

So, by the end of that lunch with her sister, Regina had decided she would kill two birds with one stone, and went about getting the ball rolling. First, she made a visit to the Storybrooke Mirror and had them put out a special publication that evening. Part of the announcement was meant for the tourists, indicating where they can pay for their nightly stay on the beach. Twenty a tent per night, payable in cash only to the clerk at the town hall. For the citizens, she suggested what Zelena had told her, the Airbnb proposal, and for those interested, they would hold a meeting in one week.

Secondly, she had several signs made at the local hardware store that she enlisted a few of the dwarves to put up around town, reminding those tourists that their stay on the beach would no longer be free. She oversaw the dwarves as they put the signs up around the perimeter of the beach.

And then, just as she was returning to her office to close up for the evening, she arrived at the town hall to a line of people out the door and a very confused clerk sitting behind her desk she had already closed for the day.

“Mayor Mills,” she said in a panicky voice. “What do I do with these people? They’re trying to give me money to stay on our beach.”

“Take the money. Record their names into the computer and their length of stay. We’ll figure out a different system next month, but for now, just—”

“Do you want me to do it as a spreadsheet?”

“Do it however works for you and deal with this line, please? I will make sure that you get paid overtime for the time you stay here after hours to deal with all of this. I’ll be in my office if you have any further questions or if any problems arise.”

Regina walked past the line of people, smiling politely with the best politician smile that she could muster. She took the stairs up to her office and let her secretary go for the evening. Immediately after walking into her office, she made a beeline for the crystal decanter on the cart, the one that held her favorite aged scotch, and poured herself a small glass.

She checked her emails and stopped when she reached the one from the detective who had found Emma Swan’s body in the harbor. It was the one he’d sent months ago when the coroner determined an estimated date of her death. Christmas Eve. She still hadn’t deleted that email and most days after clearing her inbox, it stayed there, haunting her.

A lot of it still didn’t feel real and a part of her still had this _hope_ that Emma was still out there, alive, just missing. Regina never saw her body and, from what she had found out from David, neither had Snow. David had been the one that went into that room at the morgue to identify the body as Snow had been far too distraught to make it past the lobby.

They still hadn’t done anything, no funeral or memorial service, and the god-awful ugly yellow urn sat on the mantel in the Charming’s loft. Regina wondered if that is why none of it felt real because they never had a funeral for Emma, they never had a final goodbye. There would never be one, either, because of wishes Emma had expressed to her parents before about not wanting a funeral or anything like that when she died.

It made Regina angry, angrier than she’d been in a long time. Emma deserved better than that. Emma deserved to be buried, at the very least, to have her final resting place where everyone else had theirs and not be displayed in that god-awful yellow urn on her parents’ mantel.

Each sip of her scotch burned her throat as she swallowed, but she welcomed the burn as her mind was plagued with thoughts of Emma Swan. Regina had one picture of Emma in her office and it sat on her desk where it’d been for years after the picture was taken with Henry on his thirteenth birthday. There were other pictures, of course, but the one on her desk was her favorite. It was her favorite simply because of the way Emma smiled in that picture as she looked at Henry, at their son, with nothing but love and pride in her eyes.

It was the first time that Regina realized that there had been many times that Emma looked at her like that too. With love. There’d been so many times and Regina hadn’t noticed _any_ of them and she felt like a complete idiot because she knew if she had seen it then, their lives could’ve been entirely different and maybe, just maybe, Emma might’ve never left at all.


	6. Chapter 6

AUGUST

A day before Henry’s birthday, his sixteenth, Regina stopped at Any Given Sundae to pick up his ice cream cake on her way home from the office. It was a hot day, almost too hot, and as she paid for the cake, she wondered how she was going to get it home before it could melt in her hot car. The little shop was packed too with mostly tourists trying to escape the heat.

There were always tourists in town now, everywhere she went, every direction she turned. It was hard to escape, but, the money was good. It was better than any of them had initially expected. They were so close to having enough to fix their outdated power grid and she’d already gone ahead and made arrangements with a private company from Boston to come into Storybrooke at the end of the month to start the work.

The town had changed, too. Even on dreary days, it was brighter and cleaner than it ever had been before. It was actually nice to just walk down the street and overhear some of the tourists’ conversations. Laughter had come back to their town with the tourist boom and life, she realized, had gone back to normal without Emma Swan.

At least as normal as their normal could be, that is.

“Send my wishes along to your son, Madam Mayor,” the clerk behind the counter said with a warm smile. “Sixteen, that’s a big milestone.”

“Yes, it is. Thank you, I’ll pass it along, Karen.”

Regina carried the box with the ice cream cake out to her car. The AC had been broken for years and she’d never bothered to get it fixed, but with the hotter than normal summer they’d been having, she wished she’d gotten that done months ago.

The drive home was as quick as she could manage without running any stop signs or breaking five different laws while speeding. Snow’s Jeep was parked in her driveway when she pulled up and she headed inside, quickly putting the cake away in the freezer after she checked to make sure it hadn’t melted too much on the drive home.

“Snow?” Regina called out as she walked out of the kitchen. She headed for the den and frowned when she saw Snow standing on a step-stool hanging up birthday decorations on the wall. “Snow, what the hell are you doing?”

“I’m decorating for Henry’s party tomorrow,” she said simply. “Hand me that streamer, please?”

“Henry doesn’t want a party. You know that.”

“It’s just a little thing,” Snow replied and she motioned to the roll of streamers by Regina’s feet. “Please, can you hand me that? I’m almost done.”

“No. Take it all down, Snow. Henry doesn’t want a party this year and we have to respect his wishes.”

“But he’s turning sixteen! That’s a huge milestone, Regina! It should be celebrated with family and friends.”

“It’s also the first birthday in five years that he’ll be celebrating without…his mother,” Regina said quietly and she swallowed past the lump that had started to rise up in her throat. “He’s allowed to not want a party this year.”

“Oh. Oh,” Snow stammered before she stepped off the step-stool, the tears spilling out easily. “Oh, Regina, I just thought maybe—I didn’t think—”

“No, you didn’t. You never do. Let’s get these god-awful decorations down before he comes home and throws a fit, all right?”

“Oh, he won’t be home for hours yet. David took him fishing.”

“Just help me take these things off the wall, Snow.”

“I’m sorry, Regina.”

Regina pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “It’s fine, Snow,” she said and she grabbed the banner that was barely stuck to the wall with tape and pulled it off. “All Henry wants is a cake, a cake I just picked up on my way home. He doesn’t want a party. I truly wish you’d respect—”

“I thought we would surprise him,” Snow said softly. “It won’t happen again.”

“Be sure that it doesn’t.”

 Regina grew frustrated after just a few minutes to tearing off the decorations Snow had hung up on the wall and she stormed out of the den before she said something she’d regret and walked into her study. She eyed the crystal decanter, similar to the one in her office at the town hall, and she frowned because she had been certain it was just over half full the day before and not nearly empty as it was now.

Truth be told, Regina _knew_ she was drinking too much. It’d gone from her usual glass a day to several—to the point where there were nights she fell asleep on the sofa in the study and didn’t even know how many glasses she’d had to drink. It was a problem, but she was aware of it, and that had to be better than nothing at all.

Instead of getting her glass of scotch, she headed out into the kitchen to get a glass of cold water instead. Snow was already in there making lemonade and she smiled at Regina as she pointed to the two glasses she had out on the counter.

“Regina, I actually came here to talk to you about something,” Snow said as she stirred the lemonade in the jug before she poured it into each of the empty glasses. “I’m worried about you.”

“Why?”

“I know it’s been a hard year for all of us and I like to think that maybe we’re all doing a little better than we were before, you know?” she said with a small frown. “I’m not the only one who is worried about you, Regina. Henry was the one who brought it up, actually.”

“Brought what up, exactly, Snow?” Regina asked. She was growing irritable and struggling to keep her anger in check. “Henry shouldn’t talk about things that he does not fully understand, especially not to you.”

“Have you thought about…dating?”

“Dating?” Regina asked incredulously. “I don’t have time to _date_.”

“Sure you do,” Snow said and she quirked an eyebrow at Regina’s eye roll. “I know you’re busy, work keeps you really busy, this whole tourist thing keeps you busy, but it’s going to die down soon and, Regina, you have a life you need to be living.”

“I’m living my life just fine, thanks.”

“It’s just that Henry thinks you’re lonely.”

“Henry thinks I should be dating?”

“He’s worried you’re spending too much time alone, Regina.”

“I’m surrounded by idiots every day, I’m not that alone, Snow.”

“You know what I mean,” Snow said with a soft sigh. “I know you are afraid to fall in love again but you need to try. You need to put yourself out there and try to find love again.”

“Everyone I have ever loved has been taken from me,” Regina said darkly. “I don’t know if I could live through that one more time. Three was enough.”

“Three?”

Regina closed her eyes and clenched her jaw. She’d said too much. Far too much and there was no going back from that now. Snow White would _never_ let it go.

“Who is the third person, Regina? I thought it was just Daniel and Robin? Are you talking about Graham, too?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Regina scoffed. “We’re not talking about this, Snow. I don’t even know why you are here in the first place. You—”

“We all miss her, Regina,” Snow whispered as she walked over to her, moving in a way that made Regina flinch because she knew a hug was coming and fast. “In another life, things would’ve been different, and, in another life perhaps you two would’ve gotten your chance to be together.”

Snow left, leaving her lemonade untouched on the counter. Regina stood there gaping at the empty doorway after she walked out without another word. Snow knew. How the hell did she know? Regina trembled as she headed upstairs to her room, leaving her lemonade untouched on the counter, too.

She could barely see past the tears that had welled up in her eyes by the time she reached her bedroom. She sat down heavily on the bed and reached to open the drawer in her bedside table. Underneath her journal she hadn’t touched in many months, the post-its laid there undisturbed. They were starting to get worn, the ink fading just a little, the tear in the one she held onto nightly becoming bigger with each passing day.

Lightly she touched the one that meant the most to her, the one that broke her heart every single time she read the words. Every time she touched it, ever so faintly she could imagine what it would’ve sounded like, Emma’s voice fading gradually from her memory just as the ink was.

_I was in love with you once, too. I wish you’d been brave enough to tell me. I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you. I’m sorry._

Brave. She wished she’d been brave enough.

Regina wished she had been, too.

Like she had so many times over the last eight months, she wondered if there had been any point in time where she had the chance to be brave enough to tell Emma how she really felt. There had been a few opportunities, but even now none of them felt quite right. There was the first time, right after Neverland, but there had never been a good moment with everything that had been going on. She had her chance again when she gave Emma her memories and a new life before Emma escaped from Storybrooke with Henry ahead of Pan’s curse.

She had her chance after that and during all of the magic lessons she’d given to Emma around that time. But, the useless pirate had swept his way into her life and her heart, and Emma fell for every last one of his charms. She knew now that she’d really started to deny her feelings around that same time because somehow, _somehow,_ she knew her chance was gone. She knew that she’d lost Emma to a man that was not good enough for someone like her.

She knew bravery wouldn’t have been enough then to confess her feelings. Would it have been enough all the times she could’ve had her chance afterward?

The one thing that she did think about every time she looked at the words on the damned little post-it, was that her last chance had been that day Emma came to her office. She had her chance right after Emma had left, after she’d read the post-it. She had her chance to run after her, to say the words to her, to tell her that she’d been in love with her for a very long time.

She had her chance and she lost it before she even realized what was there right in front of her all that time.

How many chances had Emma had? Were there times where she’d almost told her and backed out at the very last minute? Was Emma hoping that after she wrote on that damned post-it that Regina would come after her and that…what…what would’ve happened?

Out of frustration and under the foggy haze of her emotions and her rage, she crumpled the post-it in her hand, immediately freezing as she realized what she had just done.

“No,” she cried out as she tried to smooth out the little piece of paper. “No, gods, what the hell have I done? What have I done?”

“Regina?”

“No,” she sobbed even as she heard footsteps running up the stairs and the sound of Snow’s voice again calling out her name. “No.”

“Regina, what’s wrong?”

“Get out of here!” she snapped, trying to blink through the tears to glare over at Snow White. “What the hell are you even doing in here? I thought you left!”

“I did. I forgot my purse. I came back and heard you up here,” Snow said gently and she approached with open hands. “Are you all right?”

“Does it look like I am all right?”

“What happened?” Snow asked and she sat down on the bed next to her, gently reaching out for Regina’s hands. “What’s this?” she asked as she looked down at the crumpled post-it in Regina’s hand. “Regina?”

Regina clenched her jaw hard as the tears spilled out on their own accord. She shook her head and tried to put the crumpled post-it back into her drawer, but Snow stopped her, placing both hands around hers. She shook her head again, her fingers loosening their grip on the paper and it fell to the floor by her feet.

Snow didn’t move to pick it up, but she glanced down at it, reading the words that were written, words no one else had seen before now. Regina’s heart was racing, thundering in her chest, and she trembled as she tried to pull her hands away from Snow to no avail.

“Oh,” Snow whispered, tears filling her wide eyes quickly. “Oh, Regina,” she sobbed, gasping as she tried to stifle it. “I—I didn’t know, well I kind of suspected, but I didn’t actually know that…you both felt that way.”

“She didn’t,” Regina whispered and she allowed Snow to wrap her arms around her in a tight hug. “She didn’t still feel that way. She was going to marry him.”

“And you were going to _let_ her.”

“I had no say in the matter, Snow. Nobody did. You know how many times I tried to talk her out of it. She was going to marry him and nobody was going to stop her from doing it, either.”

“But she left before the wedding even happened,” Snow said and she scoffed. Regina could feel the anger building up a little inside of her as Snow dropped her arms, ending their hug. “Do you ever wonder why it is that she left right before the wedding, Regina?”

“I wonder all the time, but wondering is not the same as knowing and none of us know why she really left. We never will.”

“When did you get this?” Snow asked as she reached down to pick up the crumpled post-it from the floor. “When did she write this?”

Regina didn’t want to talk to Snow about that day. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about that day. It was the last memory she had and she wasn’t going to let it be tarnished by sharing it with anyone. Regina took the post-it back from Snow and tried to smooth it out a little more before placing it back in its spot in her bedside drawer.

“It’s private. I would appreciate it if you don’t mention this to anyone, Snow,” she said quietly, hoping that for once Snow White would keep a secret. Just once. “Please.”

“Of course,” Snow said quickly. “Not a word.”

[X]

A package arrived at the door just after seven the next morning, Henry’s birthday. Regina answered the door and signed off on the poorly wrapped box that was addressed to Henry D. Mills. The FedEx driver gave her a curt nod as he walked off and she walked into the house, staring down at the writing on the package.

It seemed oddly familiar. The way the Y dipped and curled, the way the E wasn’t closed, half cursive, half printed. Emma’s handwriting was very similar to it, but there was something off in the way the H was scrawled out and she had concluded that it was impossible that the package was from Emma unless she’d planned for it to be delivered on his birthday last year at some point.

Regina left the package in the kitchen and took her morning cup of coffee out onto the back patio with her. One of Henry’s birthday requests this year was to let him sleep in for as long as possible, even if that meant past noon.

_“He’s a teenager. Teenagers need their sleep, Regina. I understand your concerns, but there is nothing wrong with Henry,” Dr. Hopper said. “Everything he is going through is perfectly normal considering the circumstances.”_

Even during her sessions, she always found a way to bring up her son one way or another and every time she did, Dr. Hopped calmed her fears that something else was going on with Henry, more than what she knew. She knew he was suffering from depression, but he was working on that with his regular sessions with the doctor. She knew the only reason he was suffering through depression was because his mother had first gone missing and then died and that it was all perfectly normal for there to be a grieving period for a long period of time.

The one thing she never talked to Dr. Hopper about was Emma. She avoided it as best as she could and changed the subject if he ever tried to even say her name. She was deflecting and she knew that, but she was not ready to talk to him about _her_.

She wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about her unless it was Henry. When Henry talked about her, she listened. It was all he needed, for her to listen. It helped him with his grief and hers too, in little ways.

But what happened yesterday afternoon with Snow, she hadn’t been ready for it at all, and she still wasn’t. Her mostly sleepless night could attest to that. She wasn’t sure whether to be angry or embarrassed after what transpired with Snow. All she knew was it felt like she’d stepped over a line, a line that never should’ve been crossed in the first place.

By nine, the phone was ringing, each call for Henry. Snow and David called first, and Regina promised that she’d tell Henry to call them as soon as he was awake. Granny called next and told her to remind Henry he could come in for a free birthday meal today, just as long as he made it before the dinner rush. Ruby and Dorothy called next from Kansas, both bummed out that Henry wasn’t up yet and that they weren’t the first to call as they’d hoped they were.

Snow and David called back shortly after and this time it was Neal babbling into the phone, singing happy birthday as Regina tried to tell him that Henry was still asleep and couldn’t hear him. She hung up from that phone call laughing and she turned around as Henry walked into the kitchen, half asleep and rubbing his eyes with one hand while checking the texts on his phone with the other.

“Morning.”

“Happy birthday!” Regina smiled as she swept in to hug him tight. “I thought you wanted to sleep in, dear?”

“Everyone has been texting and calling, heard the phone down here too,” Henry replied and he shrugged. “It’s after nine. I’m good. What’s for breakfast, Mom?”

“Breakfast, Mr. I-want-to-sleep-past-noon?” Regina teased as she ruffled his hair gently. “Maybe we can go to the diner this morning? Granny called and told me to remind you that you get your free birthday meal today.”

“Sweet,” Henry chuckled and he gave her another tight hug before he headed for the refrigerator. “Is that for me?” he asked when he spotted the package on the table. Upon Regina’s nod, he walked over and inspected the poorly wrapped box. “Who is it from?”

“I don’t know, it doesn’t say, but why don’t you open it up and see what it is?”

“When did it come?”

“Earlier this morning,” Regina said and she poked him in the side. “Hurry up and open it, dear, I’m getting quite impatient here.”

“Relax, Mom,” Henry laughed and once he poured himself a glass of the lemonade Snow had made the day before, he took a seat at the island counter and pulled the box towards him. “What do you think it is?”

“We won’t know until you open it.”

Henry stuck his tongue out and Regina laughed before standing next to him and she poked him again when he started to pick at the tape on the box. Her patience grew thin and with a snap of her fingers, she magicked away the paper around the box.

“Doesn’t that take the fun out of it if you do that, Mom?” Henry asked with a groan, but he opened up the box and pulled out a leather jacket. “Sweet!”

“Is there a card?” Regina asked, peering into the box, but there was nothing else inside of it. “Check the pockets, dear.”

“Nothing,” he said as he checked the pockets in the jacket. “There is nothing in the pockets, Mom.”

“Well, try it on, see if it fits.”

Henry laughed as he hopped off the stool and slipped the leather jacket on. Regina noticed that it was a little worn in some spots as if it had been worn before, and it was almost a perfect fit. She brushed at the shoulders and fixed the collar for him with a smile.

“It looks great on you, Henry.”

“Thanks. It fits perfectly.”

“Yes, it does,” Regina said, nodding in agreement and she helped him take it off and she draped it over the edge of the counter. The tag sewn on the inside caught her eye and she looked a little closer.

_Happy 16 th, kid, love Mom_

Emma’s handwriting was clear as day, though small, Regina knew it was definitely hers. Henry looked at her curiously before looking down at the label. He laughed as the tears started to fall and he hugged the jacket tight against his chest as Regina wrapped her arms around him. This gift, this jacket, it was from Emma.

How it was possible, Regina wasn’t sure, but her earlier suspicions had been right. Emma had to have planned this ahead long before she left and long before she’d died.

“It’s from her.”

“I know,” she whispered as Henry trembled in her arms. “It’s perfect. I think that’s why she got it for you, Henry.”

“But she’s—she’s gone. Do you think she—she sent this before she—”

“Yes,” Regina said with a small nod. “She had to have done that before she—left,” she said, carefully choosing her words not just for her son’s sake but for her own, too. “Now you have something else to remember her by, Henry. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Yeah, I guess so, Mom.”

“Why don’t you put it away someplace safe and go get ready? We’ll head out to Granny’s shortly, all right, and Henry?” Regina said as she tried to shoo him out of the kitchen. “Call your grandparents and then call Ruby and Dorothy back. They’re expecting you to once you’re up.”

Henry waved her off as he headed to the stairs and Regina just sat down at the island counter and pulled the now empty box towards her. With a snap of her fingers, she magicked back the packaging it had been wrapped it and smoothed the paper out where Henry’s name and address was written on it. What she was looking for, she wasn’t sure, but there was nothing to find at all.

[X]

“You bought him a car?” Regina yelled at her sister. “Why the hell did you buy him a car? He’s sixteen!”

“Exactly, Regina, he’s sixteen!” Zelena yelled back and Henry just stood off to the side in Zelena’s living room as the two women squared off with one another. “It’s a rite of passage in this world, Regina. You turn sixteen, you get a car.”

“Driving is a privilege, not a right, Zelena. You didn’t even ask me if it was okay!”

“Mom—”

“Henry, you and I had this discussion last week. The only way you were going to get your first vehicle was if you earned it. You promised me you’d get a job and save up. You haven’t done that yet so,” Regina said as she looked at him and watched him tear up. “How are you going to pay for insurance? For gas?”

“I’ll get a job, Mom,” Henry said. “Granny offered me part-time on the weekends.”

“Doing what?”

“Dishwashing, bussing tables, the little things, I don’t know. But she offered me a job, okay!”

“If I asked you, you would’ve said no,” Zelena muttered and it made Regina spin around to face her yet again. “What, you would’ve said no!”

“For good reason, Zelena!”

“At least I didn’t buy him a motorcycle as he wanted in the first place,” she said and she clamped a hand over her mouth. “Oops.”

“Why would you buy him a motorcycle?” Regina asked but her eyes were on her son who was now red in the face. “Did you ask her for one?”

“Said not until I’m eighteen,” Henry whispered. “So, I asked for a car instead. I didn’t think she’d actually buy me one!”

Zelena was beaming. “Am I the best aunt ever, or what?”

“You’re his only aunt, you idiot!”

“That doesn’t mean that I can’t fight for the title of ‘World’s Best Aunt’ now, does it?”

“You guys are ridiculous,” Henry muttered and he held his hands up in defense as they both shot him a glare. “What? You are! Mom, I know what you said last week and I get it, I do, but I’m going to earn this. I will pay for insurance and I will pay for gas.”

Regina sighed and sat down on the sofa by the fireplace. “There are going to be rules,” she said and Henry nodded as he sat down beside her. She still had the keys in her hand that she’d snatched from Henry’s hand when Zelena handed them to him. “A lot of rules, Henry.”

“I know.”

“I’m not just talking about following the rules of the road and the law.”

“I know, Mom. Don’t worry, I’m a good driver. Gramps has been letting me drive the truck when we head up north to the river to go fishing.”

“Has he now?” Regina raised an eyebrow at that. It was news to her. “Your curfew is going to change,” she said and Henry’s face fell. “Nine, especially on a school night.”

“Nine? Mom, my curfew has been eleven all summer and I haven’t once been late!”

“Nine o’clock is your curfew now unless you want to keep arguing and then it will be eight.”

“Granny said I’ll be working the late shift on Saturday nights. How am I supposed to be home at nine if I’m working until close?” Henry groaned and he got up. “Forget it. I don’t want it. Thanks for the amazing gift, Aunt Zee, but I don’t think—”

“Give him the bloody keys, Regina,” Zelena quipped. “You heard your mother, Henry. Your curfew is nine o’clock. End of story. Now, take the keys and go take your brand-new car out for a test drive. You haven’t even gone out to look at it yet!”

“It’s outside?” Henry asked and he held out his hand expectantly. “Mom, can I?”

Regina held the keys out and sighed before she dropped them into his hand. He ran out of the house and she was right behind him. Regina couldn’t stop the laughter that spilled out as soon as she laid her eyes on the car in the driveway that hadn’t been there when they’d shown up at the house earlier.

It wasn’t brand-new, per se, as it was an old car that looked as if it were on its last life, just barely. It was a god-awful color of yellow, similar to the color of Emma’s Bug, and after she laughed at the look on Henry’s face, she turned to face her sister as she walked out onto the front porch with the baby in her arms.

“What the hell is that?”

“That,” Zelena said, stifling her own chuckle as she cooed at the baby in her arms. “That is a classic, Regina. A 1997 Chevy Cavalier. I had Michael down at the garage give it a custom color after I bought it. What do you think?”

“It’s yellow.”

“He asked for it to be,” Zelena said quietly and they watched Henry as he unlocked the door and got in the car. “He said he doesn’t know how to drive stick yet, so gifting him his mother’s car was out of the question.”

“I see.”

“You hate it.”

“I hate it for a lot of reasons, Zelena. I truly wish you would’ve run this past me before you went out and bought him a damn car. Is that thing even safe to drive?”

“Of course it is, do you think I’d really let my nephew drive a car that isn’t safe?” Zelena scoffed and she handed the baby to Regina and walked down to the driveway. “So, what do you think, Henry?”

“It’s…great,” Henry said as he forced out a tight smile. “Thanks.”

Regina shook her head and looked down at the baby in her arms, sighing as she had to pry the little fingers from around her necklace as gently as she could. She joined them on the driveway, peering inside the car to see how clean it was and to make sure it at least _looked_ safe.

“So, can I take it for a test drive now, Mom?” Henry asked. “Please?”

“Just around the block. I want you back here in five minutes. We still have to have cake and there are presents waiting for you at home.”

“Can I just drive home then?”

“Alone?”

“It’s not far,” Henry argued and Regina handed the baby back to Zelena with a heavy sigh. “You can follow me, you know. It’ll be fine, Mom. Don’t worry.”

“And we’ll be right behind you, Regina,” Zelena said with a smile. “See you at the house, Henry! Have fun!”

Regina followed Henry home, keeping a good and safe distance as she watched every stop and every turn her made with eagle eyes. He was right, he was a good driver, and he was grinning widely as Regina pulled into the driveway beside him and got out of her car with a heavy sigh. She didn’t say a word as she walked up to him and slung an arm around his shoulders as they headed into the house together.

A part of her was wishing that Emma had been there too that day. She would’ve loved to have seen the look on Emma’s face when Zelena pulled out the keys to Henry’s new car. She knew Emma would’ve reacted the same way she did and she knew that, in the end, Emma would’ve let him drive it home anyway and she would’ve followed him the whole way, probably a lot closer than Regina had just done.

They waited for Zelena and the baby to arrive, for Snow and David to come with Neal before they sang happy birthday to Henry and ate cake while he opened his few gifts. It wasn’t a party, not really, but he’d decided at breakfast that morning that he wanted his family there for the cake that afternoon. Thankfully, Snow never mentioned how she’d tried to decorate the den the day before and she didn’t mention what happened afterward either. They ended the day, Henry’s day, on a happy note. And as a family.


	7. Chapter 7

SEPTEMBER

The tourists stopped coming after Labor Day and the town grew quiet again. It felt empty, almost, but it was a welcome relief after a long and busy summer. With September came the chill that crept back into the air bit by bit with every day that passed.

One Saturday, a few weeks after the month rolled in and the tourists rolled out, Regina found herself on a picnic in the park with the Charming’s. She wanted to say it was against her will as she had plans to do nothing but laze around the house on the first day off she’d had in months, but when the text from Snow came in that morning, she jumped on the chance to spend some time out of the house even if it meant spending time with the Charming’s.

“We were thinking of buying a house,” Snow said after they’d eaten the sandwiches Regina had brought along for the picnic. “We need more space because, well, we wanted you to be the first to know that we’re going to try for another baby soon.”

“That’s wonderful news, Snow.”

David was off running after their highly energetic toddler as he ran across the grass and Regina shook her head as he managed to scoop Neal up before he fell into the pond.

“We wanted to try…before, but it didn’t feel right.”

“I understand,” Regina said with a small nod. “But, as you said, life goes on doesn’t it?”

“It has to.”

“Indeed.”

“So,” Snow said as she leaned back and watched her husband and son chase each other around. “Henry tells me that you’re thinking of doing some traveling?”

“Yes,” Regina replied. “I was thinking of it. I’m not even sure where I would want to go.”

“The world is a big place.”

“It truly is.”

“I’d like to go to Greece one day, on a cruise around the islands. I think it would be so romantic,” Snow said dreamily. “Oh, I know!”

“Hmm?”

“Ruby told me that they have these cruises down in the Caribbean, singles cruises. Wait, Regina, hear me out,” she said and she let out a huge sigh as Regina motioned for her to continue even though she really didn’t want to entertain that conversation with Snow then and there. Or ever, really. “I think it wouldn’t hurt if you went on one, just to see. You never know, you could meet someone that ends up being your true love.”

“My true love died a long time ago, Snow, as you so fondly remember.”

“Who’s to say that we only get one in our lifetime?”

“Isn’t that how it is supposed to work, Snow?” Regina rolled her eyes. “I am not looking for love. Not now. Not anytime soon. If you could get that through your thick skull then we can all go back to living our lives just as we have been all this time.”

“Okay,” Snow said wearily. “I’m sorry if I made you angry, Regina, but we’re all just so worried about you still. Why don’t you tell me of some of the places you were thinking of traveling to? I’ve been doing a lot of reading on some places around the world that would be absolutely wonderful to go and see one day.”

As Snow prattled on about these places in Spain, Asia, and New Zealand, Regina just watched David chase Neal around on the grass until the toddler wore himself out and came back over to the blanket where he plopped himself down in Regina’s lap.

“Hi, Gina!” Neal grinned up at her. “Did you see me?”

“I did, little prince.”

“I faster than Daddy!”

“You are,” she smiled and she kissed the top of his head, pausing just to smell his soft blond curls. “Look,” she said as she saw Henry pull up in the parking lot in his car. “Henry is here now! Do you think you’re faster than Henry?”

“Henry!” Neal squealed and he ran towards him as soon as Henry started to make his way across the grass towards them. “I faster than you!”

“That boy is going to wear me out completely,” David groaned. “I’m not as young as I once was. He has far too much energy. That can’t be normal.”

“He’s almost three. Boys at that age are always full of energy. Henry was very much the same way at that age,” Regina said fondly. “Are you sure you two are ready for another baby?”

“You told her?” David asked and Snow nodded. “We’re ready,” he said and he kissed his wife’s cheek and smiled lovingly at her. “All we need is a house and then we can make another baby.”

“We’re going to go feed the ducks, Mom,” Henry said, choosing the best possible moment to interrupt the conversation. He knew it too because he gave Regina a knowing look before he helped her up from the blanket. “Come on, Neal isn’t afraid of them when you’re there, remember?”

“Okay,” she laughed and as they walked away from the Charming’s, she leaned in to whisper into his ear, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he grinned. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, dear.”

“It’s just that…” Henry trailed off and knelt down to give Neal a piece of bread. He showed him how to break it up and throw it in the water before he stood back up. “Mom, it’s just that you seem really…sad.”

“I’m not sad, Henry. I’m here with my family. That makes me happy.”

Regina took the offered piece of bread from Henry and pulled off a little piece before she tossed it into the pond near where the six ducks were swimming and eating the bread that Neal was throwing into the water happily. She shook her head as she looked down at the bread in her hands and then back up at her son.

“I’m always happy when I’m with you, Henry.”

“I know, but, you’re still sad at the same time too, Mom.” Henry paused and looked out over the water for a moment. “We all miss her, but you miss her the most, and that’s okay, Mom. It’s okay. But,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion, “I think it’s time that you, you know, moved on. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

“Move on?” Regina scoffed, her walls slamming up so fast it caught Henry off-guard. “I have moved on, Henry. Yes, I miss her, I’ll always miss her and nothing will ever change that. You need to stop worrying about me being alone. I’m fine. I’m happy.”

“Okay. If you say so,” he sighed. “Neal,” he called out and grabbed ahold of the toddler’s arm before he slipped down the small bank into the water. “You gotta be more careful than that, okay? You don’t know how to swim yet and that means if you fall in, it’s very dangerous.”

“Okay, Henry,” Neal said with a pout. “I’m sorry.”

“Come on, let’s go over there,” Henry said. “The swans are back. Isn’t that cool?”

“Cool!”

Regina stayed where she was, watching as Henry took Neal by the hand and led him around to the other side of the pond where the two swans were swimming in the water. It had been a long time since she’d seen the pair, almost a year. Regina pulled apart another piece of the bread and tossed it into the water where a few ducks were still swimming around. The swans reminded her of Emma and with her emotions already on edge, it didn’t take much for the tears to spill out just thinking about her.

Life wasn’t quite the same without her. There was more than just a missing piece to all of it, there was more to it than just a gaping hole in her heart. Life just didn’t have the same luster as it once did. It felt like a time long ago, a time before Emma Swan even walked into her life, into all of theirs, and she hated that feeling.

She hated it because it reminded her of a time in her life where she did not love, not as she did now. She hated it because it brought back too many memories she would much rather forget.

“Gina!” Neal shrieked out, startling the pair of swans in the water but thankfully not enough for them to take flight suddenly. “Come see! They pretty!”

Regina wiped away her tears before she smiled and walked around the pond to join the boys near the bank. “They are very pretty,” she said quietly. “And big, too!”

“So big!” Neal exclaimed, his eyes wide in wonder.

“Mom would’ve loved to see them come back,” Henry said quietly. “She loved coming to watch the swans. Did she ever tell you that?” Regina shook her head no and Henry wrapped an arm around her. “Well, she did. She was pretty upset when they left last summer. She said she wasn’t sure if they’d come back at all next year.”

“Well, here they are, back again.”

“Yeah.”

[X]

Regina booked a ten-day trip to Paris at the end of September. She wasn’t due to fly out until the first week of December, but as soon as she’d gotten her confirmation, the excitement was starting to build. Why Paris, she wasn’t certain, but from the pictures, she’d seen that it was a beautiful city and, in some ways, it reminded her of back home, many years ago in the Enchanted Forest and long before she was ever the queen.

She made all the necessary arrangements, planning for it well ahead of time so that the staff at the town hall wouldn’t aimlessly wander around like helpless idiots while she was gone for those ten days. She didn’t tell Henry, Zelena, or the Charming’s right away what she had done, choosing to keep it a surprise until their family dinner on Sunday.

Family dinner that had somehow become a regular thing. Once in a while, they’d have dinner at the loft, but more often than not, Regina hosted dinner at her house. Once they had dinner at Zelena’s, but that had ended in disaster as the stew she’d been making burned in the pot and then the backup meal she scrambled to make that exploded in the oven. Regina still wasn’t sure if the meat that was all over the inside of the oven was supposed to be chicken or fish.

“Regina, we’re here!” Snow called out from the front door.

“Come in,” Regina replied as she wiped her hands on the dish towel and checked on the lasagna that was cooking in the oven. “Dinner won’t be ready for another hour or so,” she said as Snow walked in carrying a big bowl of salad. “Where are the boys?”

“In the den with Henry watching TV,” Snow replied. “I threw together a salad. There are fresh tomatoes in there from my garden. They turned out really well this year if I say so myself. Here,” she said and she pulled back the plastic wrap on the top of the bowl. “Try one for yourself and see what you think?”

“Thank you, but I think I’ll wait until we’ve sat down to eat, Snow.”

“Oh, I can’t wait until later, I need to tell you now,” Snow gasped and she put the bowl on the counter. “Regina, I want you to be one of the first to know that I just found out this morning that I am pregnant!”

“You are? Already? Didn’t you just start trying for another not even two weeks ago?”

“We’ve been trying for months, actually,” Snow said with a small blush creeping over her cheeks. “I thought I might be a few weeks ago, but we decided to wait to be sure.”

“Well, congratulations, Snow,” Regina said and she hugged her. She didn’t hug her because she was happy for her—and she was—she hugged her so that she wouldn’t see the tears springing to her eyes as she was overcome with emotion. “Do you know when you are due?”

“I’m three months along already so, sometime in March I believe.”

Regina decided then not to tell them the news of her trip she had planned for the first week of December. She decided to let them have their moment, their happy announcement, without adding to it with her own news. Once they’d all sat down to dinner an hour later and with Zelena there, Snow made the announcement to the rest of the family.

“This is so exciting!” Zelena squealed out happily. “Well, do you know what you are having yet? Is it a boy or a girl?”

Snow looked at her husband with a sad smile and tears in her eyes before she said, “we’re having a girl.”


	8. Chapter 8

OCTOBER

Halloween was approaching quickly and Regina came home one afternoon to find Henry and his friends decorating the house with the most god-awful ugly decorations she had ever laid her eyes on.

“Hey Mom!” Henry called out, waving her over as she tiredly got out of her car. “What do you think?”

“it’s horrendous,” Regina replied as she walked out onto the front lawn. “What are you doing, Henry?”

“We’re decorating,” he said as he waved around at the house in an obvious way. “It’s almost Halloween, you know? We thought since we’re too old to trick-or-treat now that we’d hand out candy this year instead.”

“Here?”

“Why not?” Henry shrugged. “Besides, we never decorate for Halloween. I’ve always wanted to do it.”

“There is a reason for that, dear,” Regina said and she looked over at the tree by the side yard where Nicolas was trying to hang up what looked like a witch crashing into the tree on her broom. “Oh, Zelena will have a fit over that. Keep that.”

Henry laughed along with her and he took her hand and led her over to the other side of the yard where they’d put up fake tombstones to make it look like a graveyard. “Pretty cool, isn’t it?” Henry asked. “Besides, I was reading online and all those people that came here over the summer? There’s buzz going around about coming back here for Halloween. They’re going to do ghost walks and everything!”

“We were thinking of having a haunted house, too,” Nicolas said as he walked up to them. “Know of any places we can do that, Mayor Mills?”

“Preferably out in the woods, it’s really creepy out there at night,” Ava joined in and Regina rolled her eyes. “What, it is!”

“I was thinking maybe I could ask Grandpa if we could use his cabin?” Henry said quietly and Regina shook her head no at him. “Why not?”

“Do you really think Gold will be willing to lend you his cabin to make it into some kind of tourist attraction for one night?”

“Maybe?”

“What about that other one?” Nicolas asked. “The hunting cabin out by the river? Nobody has lived there in a long time. I don’t even think it belongs to anyone anymore.”

Regina knew what cabin he was talking about and he was right, nobody lived there anymore. Long ago, during the first curse, it had belonged to the Huntsman. Graham. After he died, Regina made sure that no one ever went there and she had almost forgotten about it until Nicolas mentioned it, too.

“How do you know about that?” Regina asked and everyone looked at Nicolas with mixed expressions. “Well?”

“We found out about it last summer, okay,” Nicolas said defensively. “The older kids go there and party all the time, too. It’s not really a secret anymore.”

“That cabin once belonged to Sheriff Graham. You and all your friends should know better and show some respect,” Regina snapped and she headed for the front door, her anger consuming her. “Get rid of most of this. It looks horrendous and I will not have my home looking like that, Halloween or not. You can keep the graveyard and the witch on the tree, but nothing else.”

“What about the pumpkins?” Ava asked as she pointed over to where a few others were on the grass carving a few pumpkins. “Mayor Mills, can we keep the pumpkins too, please? We’ve been working really hard on them all afternoon.”

“Very well, but everything else goes, do you understand me? All of you?” Regina asked and when everyone nodded, she opened the front door. “Good. Henry, dinner will be ready in an hour. Be sure that this is done before then.”

“Jeez, what’s your mom’s problem?” Nicolas asked as Regina shut the door behind her. “Way to be such a freaking buzzkill over a couple of decorations.”

“She doesn’t have a problem, Nick,” Henry replied and Regina stayed by the door to hear the conversation. “She’s just…sad. That’s all.”

“Well, that sucks for her,” Nicolas said with a dry laugh. “For you too, I bet. Is that why she gave you a little kid’s curfew, Hen?”

“Shut up.”

“Make me!”

“Stop it!” Ava yelled. “God, you guys need to grow up. Henry?” Regina strained to hear as it sounded as if they’d walked further away from the door. “Henry, I’m sorry your mom is sad. Maybe we can do something to cheer her up?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. What do you think would make her not be so sad anymore?”

“I don’t know, Ava, I really don’t know.”

Regina walked away then and stopped by the mirror in the foyer when she caught sight of her reflection. She did look sad. She could see it in her eyes, hidden behind a mask of makeup she meticulously put on that morning. She could see the loneliness there, too, and she scowled before she headed into the kitchen to wash up before she got dinner started.

Henry found her standing at the counter, knife in hand, vegetables half chopped, the breaded pork chops sitting in the pan she’d forgotten to put in the oven ten minutes earlier. Henry didn’t say anything as he put the pan in the oven, set the timer and then gently took the knife from her before he finished chopping up the vegetables.

“Henry—”

“We took everything down that you said,” he said and his voice was tight. He was still angry and upset she’d made them do it. “It’s just for one stupid week, barely, Mom. I was going to take them down the day after Halloween.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I—”

“It’s fine,” he snapped and he turned to pick up a handful of vegetables before he tossed them into the steamer. He threw another handful in and then the last before he put the lid on the little machine and turned it on. “I just thought it’d be cool to do that this year, you know? We never do anything for Halloween. What, we had a pumpkin one year but that was it. I just—I just wanted to have _fun_ this year, that’s all. I didn’t think you’d have such a problem with me and my friends decorating the house.”

“They all have houses of their own, why did it have to be ours?”

“Because, A, we have the biggest house on the block and B, you’re the mayor and people always come here for candy even though you never hand it out. And C,” Henry said as he lifted a finger with each point. “Mom said last year that it would be hilarious to decorate this place up for Halloween. I thought maybe I’d see what she was talking about, you know? She was right though, it was kind of hilarious until you made us take most of it down.”

“Oh.” Regina’s face fell at the crestfallen look on her son’s face. “I’m sorry, Henry, I didn’t know that was why you were doing that. If you had told me—”

“Like you were going to tell me you’re going away to Paris in December?” Henry asked and Regina looked at him in disbelief. “I saw the ticket, Mom. When were you going to tell me? Or were you planning to run away like—”

Regina couldn’t stop from slapping Henry across the face and she gasped as she tried to reach out for him. He pushed her away, tears stinging his eyes as he placed a hand over his red cheek.

“Henry—”

“Don’t,” he said with a shaky voice. “Just don’t, Mom.”

“Henry, I’m sorry!” she cried out as he walked out of the kitchen. “Henry!”

“Leave me alone!” he shouted as he ran up the stairs, his bedroom door slamming shut a few seconds later.

Regina didn’t go after him. She didn’t go upstairs right away to check on him either. She gave him his space as she cleaned up the kitchen and waited for their dinner to finish cooking. Five minutes before the meat was done, she headed upstairs and tentatively knocked on Henry’s bedroom door.

“Henry?”

Silence. She knocked again and tried the handle, but it was locked.

“Henry, please, open the door. I want to apologize to you,” she said and she sighed when there was still no answer. “Henry, I shouldn’t have slapped you. I know that. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I’m just…tired, I think. It’s been a long day and I know that isn’t a good excuse, but I—”

“Why are you so angry all the time?” Henry asked and a moment later the lock on the door clicked and he opened it just a crack. “Why, Mom?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do, you just don’t want to tell me.”

Henry opened the door a little more and stepped back, a silent gesture for Regina to enter his domain. She walked in and hovered by the door as Henry stood there in front of her. Regina took a deep breath and found it almost impossible to look at her son in the eyes, eyes that were so much like his mother’s that it hurt to look at them sometimes.

“I miss her,” she whispered, her voice almost a whimper. “I miss her so very much, Henry. I feel this…emptiness and it’s growing every day. I can’t—I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.”

“I know, Mom.”

“I loved her. I still love her.”

“I know.”

“I never—I—” Regina gasped as Henry’s arms were suddenly around her and the tears spilled out uncontrollably. “I want this pain to go away. I’m so sorry, Henry, I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. You don’t deserve that.”

“Mom, it’s okay,” he whispered as he rubbed her back. “You know, it’s okay that you still love her, right? It’s better than hating her and then forgetting about her, isn’t it?”

“I could never forget that idiot mother of yours,” Regina muttered and Henry laughed and continued to rub her back. “It isn’t okay, Henry. Look at me. Just look at me. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m alone, and everyone knows it. I don’t know how to change that.”

Henry leaned his forehead against her and held on to her head gently. “You’ll be okay again, Mom. I know you will. You’ll be happy again one day.”

“I hope that is true.”

“I know it is. If you want something, Mom, you have to believe in it, whatever it is. Even if that means believing in yourself.”

“You need to stop hanging around the Charming’s so much, Henry, you’re starting to sound like them now.”

Henry laughed and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. “That’s crazy, talk, Mom,” he chuckled and she playfully pushed him away. “Just know that you’ll be okay again.”

“Thank you, Henry. Thank you.”

[X]

On what would’ve been Emma’s 34thbirthday, Regina celebrated it with Henry with a single cupcake and candle. They let the candle burn almost halfway down, what they were waiting for, Regina hadn’t been sure, but in the end, they blew it out together and then split the cupcake in half, Regina letting Henry have the bigger piece as usual.

The damned post-it, the one she’d crushed months before, was now laminated, protecting the last bit of it, and always in her pocket now. It was an odd sense of relief now knowing it was nearby, safe and sound. Dr. Hopper called it her coping mechanism, a way to deal with her grief in her own little way, and that it was a good first step into getting through her grief in a healthy way, so to speak.

Henry had the most pictures of Emma and they were all neatly arranged into a little scrapbook. Regina didn’t even know until he pulled it out after they finished eating their half of the cupcake and her hands trembled as her heart raced as soon as Henry placed the little book into her hands.

“I made it a little while ago,” he said and he opened the cover for her. “I had all these pictures of Mom and me on my old phone, some of them on here, some I had on a roll I’d forgotten about from back when we were in New York City. They’re all in here, the good ones at least.”

“Henry—”

“I wasn’t sure when it would be the right time to show you,” he continued. “But I guess today is a good time, isn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s perfect,” she whispered as she stared down at the first picture in the book, one she knew was taken not long after Emma first came to Storybrooke. “Look how young you are here,” she laughed and Henry groaned as he settled in on the sofa close beside her. “Who took that picture?”

“Grandma, you know, before she knew who she was. Mary Margaret had much better photographer skills than Grandma does now if you ask me,” he said and they both laughed as Regina flipped to the next page. “I couldn’t find any with you two in it.”

“We never took a picture together.”

“Why?”

Regina shook her head. “It just wasn’t what we did, I guess,” she concluded with a sigh. She turned her attention back down to the photos on the second page and then the next. When she reached the ones from that year in New York City, she stopped and looked at her son, marveling just for a moment how much he had grown up since then. “Tell me about these, Henry,” she said as she pointed to a touristy-looking photo of him and Emma on top of a tall building. “Where was this taken?”

“Oh, that’s on top of the Empire State Building,” Henry replied. “it was really cool. Windy, too, but Mom was a little scared. Did you know she was afraid of heights?”

“Your mother was not afraid of heights.”

“Well she was that day, maybe it was because she forgot who she really was, I don’t know, but she was so scared that day. She made me hold her hand the whole time.”

“What about this one?”

“Central Park,” Henry said with a sad smile as he laid his head down on Regina’s shoulder. “We spent a lot of time there. It was one of Mom’s favorite places in the whole city. She said it made her feel like she’d stepped into a whole different world. It did feel like that sometimes, but I thought she was just a little crazy whenever she said that.”

“Maybe we can go back one day, just the two of us?” Regina asked and she felt Henry nod a little against her shoulder. “You can take me to all these places and tell me the stories again. How does that sound?”

“Cool, Mom. I’d like that. Maybe we can do in the spring?”

“Sure. Now, tell me about this one. Who is that?” Regina asked, squinting down at the picture of Emma, Henry, and a man standing awkwardly at Emma’s side.

“That’s Walsh,” Henry said and he laughed as he looked down at the picture a little more closely. “I didn’t like him. I told Mom he was okay, but I really didn’t like him.”

“He was a flying monkey.”

“Yeah, that was pretty messed up, wasn’t it?”

“What the hell did she ever see in him, anyway?” Regina muttered and Henry laughed and poked her in the arm. “What? He’s nothing to look at. I wouldn’t say he is attractive or anything, but come on!”

“I guess it was because he was sweet with her and he liked her. He was nice to her, until, you know, he wasn’t.”

“I see. It’s still odd.”

“Right,” Henry chuckled. “Just as odd as it is to hear you getting jealous over Walsh dating Mom how many years ago?”

“Watch it, Henry.”

“I’m just saying!” he laughed a little harder and flipped to the next page in the book. “Do you ever think about what it would’ve been like if you and Mom ever, you know?”

“I don’t know. If we ever what, Henry?”

“Dated.”

Regina closed the book and placed it down on the coffee table. “No,” she lied and she tried to get up from the sofa, but Henry stopped her, placing a strong hand on her shoulder. “I never thought about that, Henry.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Mom.”

“I’m not.”

“I thought about it,” Henry said and he dropped his hand from Regina’s shoulder when she turned to look at him in surprise. “What? I have—had two moms, of course it’s gonna pop in my head once or twice. Kids at school talked. Some kids asked me if you guys were dating or something and if that’s why I had two moms all of a sudden.”

“When was this happening?” Regina asked him, still in a state of shock over the turn the conversation had taken. “What kids at school?”

“Mom, I was ten. And kids talk. I was the only kid in the whole school who had two moms. Not to mention one was the Evil Queen and one was the Savior that was supposed to save us all from the Evil Queen, but you know, the past is the past and life worked out to be a lot different since then. The point is, I thought about what it’d be like if you guys were…more than just friends.”

His face was red as more words came out of his mouth and he groaned as he palmed his hand against his face. “This is mortifying,” he muttered. “I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this.”

“I suppose you can say I thought about it too a handful of times over the years,” she admitted quietly. “Though, of course, I knew it would never happen so I never pursued it. It would’ve never worked out.”

“How do you know that?” he asked and Regina gave him an incredulous look. “Yeah, I know, there was always something happening, always fighting someone or something. But that changed, didn’t it?”

“Not soon enough, I’m afraid.”

“I don’t think it would’ve been much different than the way it was, though,” Henry said after a moment passed between them. “Maybe it would’ve but in ways that just, I don’t know, made you both happy. He never made her smile the way you did. Did you know that?”

“No.”

“Well, he didn’t. I know. I always saw the way she smiled when you were around. She never did that with him, not really, not like the way she did with you.”

Regina closed her eyes as she slipped her hand into the pocket where the laminated post-it note was sitting. She swallowed thickly as she pulled it out from her pocket and held it in her lap for a moment.

“I thought you should know,” she whispered as she handed it to Henry so he could read it. What she didn’t expect for the laughter to come spilling out a moment later.

“I already knew that, Mom,” he said as he handed the post-it back to her. “Didn’t you?”

“Not until that day, no.”

His laughter died and he sighed heavily. “That’s too bad,” he said and Regina nodded silently in agreement. “Do you want to look at the rest of the pictures? There’s a ton more and—”

“No, Henry, I think I’m going to call it a night now. It’s getting late.”

“All right, Mom,” he said and he hugged her tight. “I love you. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, my little prince, I love you too.”


	9. Chapter 9

DECEMBER

Regina ended up being stranded in London after her flight to Paris was rerouted there because of a sudden and unexpected winter storm that blew in. All flights were canceled indefinitely and with nowhere to go, Regina was in a panic of what to do next. She was stuck in a strange and foreign country and it only just occurred to her as she stood in the busy airport that she shouldn’t have made such a big trip alone for the first time.

It took a phone call to Ruby Lucas to calm her down as the woman had spent the last several months traveling with Dorothy around the world. Ruby explained to her what she could do, but she needed to do it quickly before every last hotel in the city booked up due to all the stranded passengers.

It was all so very overwhelming and Regina was on the very verge of having a panic attack. Ruby calmed her down and told her to call back in ten minutes and she’d have everything handled for her. She didn’t wait the full ten minutes, calling Ruby back eight minutes after she’d hung up.

“It’s done,” Ruby chuckled when she answered it. “All you need to do is get a cab and take it to this address,” she said and she quickly told Regina the address and name of the hotel. “I also checked the reports online for you. This storm is pretty major, Regina. You might be stuck in London for a couple of days, three at most.”

“Thank you, Ruby,” Regina sighed in relief. “I wouldn’t have known what to do.”

“Anytime, Regina. Hey, I know the weather sucks there right now, but you have to get out and see the city when you can, okay? Trust me, you won’t regret it, just do it before you leave for Paris.”

“I’ll try, dear.”

Regina found her luggage and then slowly made her way out of the airport. The snow was falling steadily and hailing a cab was next to impossible in that weather. After asking a couple of people, she found someone to give her directions to the hotel Ruby had told her to go to. It was only a couple of blocks away and she decided to walk after getting some detailed directions from the sweet old man working security by the main entrance.

Walking, she discovered, was not an easy feat. Not in ankle deep snow that quite literally paralyzed the city. People rushed up and down the sidewalks in a panic, cars slid out into a spin on the road, others tried to stop a little too late and slid into the car in front of them. Just a complete mess. Even the people in Storybrooke during the first real snowstorm they had once the first curse was broken hadn’t been that idiotic.

The slush from the sidewalk and the street had crept into her heels, soaking her even through her pantyhose and she grumbled as she walked into the hotel lobby an hour after she left the airport, cold and achy, completely miserable.

“Hello, ma’am,” the woman behind the front desk greeted her with a friendly smile. “Do you have a reservation?”

“Regina Mills,” she replied. She presented her ID and the woman nodded before she started typing her name into the computer.

“Ah, yes,” the woman nodded again as she pulled it up on the screen. “Miles, would you please come and assist Ms. Mills with her luggage?” she yelled out at the man standing by the elevator with an empty luggage trolley. “Miles will take you up to your suite, Ms. Mills. Here is your key. Do enjoy your stay with us.”

“Thank you.”

Once Regina was in her room, which was small but cozy, and most importantly, _warm_ , she ran the water in the deep tub she discovered in the bathroom and waited for it to fill up as she took off her wet, snow-covered clothes. The flight had been long and the three hours she’d been in the airport had been draining.

She stayed in the bath until the water started to turn too cold to stay in much longer. Feeling warm and relaxed, she wrapped herself up in the fluffy white bathrobe she found hanging on the door and crawled into the plush high bed by the windows.

For the first time in a very long time, sleep came easy for her, and it was a dreamless sleep and one she woke up from feeling satisfied and refreshed from early the next morning. She took a quick shower and dressed for the day and though she had brought clothes along on her trip for cooler weather, nothing was suitable to be walking out in what was almost a foot of snow outside.

She didn’t let it stop her, though, after getting breakfast recommendations for a café down the street from the front desk clerk. It was a miserable walk, short though as the woman in the hotel had promised it was close by. It was busy inside the little café when she walked in, but she found a sat at the counter and sat down, a menu placed in front of her before she even undid her scarf.

“Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee, please,” Regina said to the woman who just nodded as she placed a mug down and then poured her a cup from the tall carafe she was carrying.

“Allison will be by shortly for your order, dear,” the woman said and she was off to the next customer not too far from Regina. “Allie, customer at the counter!”

Regina scanned her eyes over the menu quickly before she poured some milk from the little containers piled up in a bowl nearby. She decided to try the full English breakfast and turned to look and see if anyone was coming to take her order.

Through the crowded room, Regina saw the woman who had served her coffee rushing around at the tables and another woman near the windows with long brown hair making her way around the room in a hurry as well. Regina hadn’t eaten since just before she boarded the plane in Boston. She was famished and the minibar that was in her hotel room was stocked with too many sweets and candy for her liking.

“Allie!”

Regina’s eyes went wide when the other women turned around at the sound of her name. It felt like she was looking at a ghost. She swallowed thickly as she blinked, trying to get her blurring eyes to clear as she stared at the woman across the room that looked almost identical to Emma Swan.

“Customer!” The older woman yelled as she pointed in Regina’s direction. “Go!”

The woman froze as soon as her eyes landed on Regina and Regina _knew_. She could see the fear in Emma’s eyes so clearly and she knew what was going to happen next. Emma was going to run. She was going to run fast and as far as she could go. Regina’s heart was pounding so hard that it was starting to make her feel dizzy and she froze, unable to move, unable to speak.

“Get a move on, Allie, if you know what is good for you!” The older woman barked at her and it made her jump. “Now, girl!”

Regina breathed out sharply as she watched her walk across the crowded room. She could hardly breathe as she got closer and she exhaled again as she felt it, that buzz, with every step she took.

“What are you having?”

“Emma,” Regina whispered and her eyes went wide.

“That’s not my name,” she hissed under her breath. “Are you going to order or what?”

“I know it’s you,” Regina said and she reached out to grab onto Emma’s hand before she could walk away. “What the hell, Emma?”

“Allie,” she said as she pulled her hand back and pointed to the name tag on her shirt. “My name is Allie. Are you going to order or do you need another minute? We’re really busy here and my boss is already breathing down my neck and I’m about to lose this job. So, what are you having today, ma’am?”

Regina clenched her fists in her lap and stared long and hard at her. This was Emma Swan, there was no mistaking it. She looked different with her brown hair and a hardened look to her face she never had before, but it was Emma Swan. That buzz, that buzz she always felt before when Emma was near, it was back and it immediately began to fill that hole that, that ache in her heart, bit by bit.

“What do you suggest, Allie?” Regina asked tightly, the name spilling past her lips in disgust almost. “I was thinking of trying the full English breakfast, this one.” Regina pointed it out on the menu. “What do you think?”

“Are you sure? That’s a pretty big meal for one person.”

“I’m famished.”

“Okay, anything else?”

“No. That’s all, thank you.”

She didn’t take her eyes off of Emma until she disappeared into the kitchen to deliver her order to the cook. She watched that door like a hawk and when Emma never reemerged, she knew she’d done what she’d expected her to do before. She ran.

And Regina stayed. There was no point in running after her. Regina had found her, by luck it seemed, and spooked her. She’d seen it in her eyes. Emma had run and she had run as far away as fast as she could.

“Excuse me?” Regina asked the man who brought her order out. “Do you know where Allison is?”

“She took off,” the man muttered gruffly. “Walked out. Quit, what have you. She’s gone.”

“Do you know where I could find her?”

“I’ve no idea, ma’am, but if you find her, tell her that was her last chance, you hear me?”

Regina barely ate half of the plate that was put in front of her. It was a lot of food, after all, and she brought the leftovers back with her to the hotel after she left the café, stuffing them into the minibar fridge before she walked over to her suitcase and pulled out the iPad Henry had lent her so she could facetime him during her trip.

But, she was having an extreme internal crisis at the moment after having found Emma there in that café in London.

What did she do now? Did she tell someone she found Emma? She knew it was her with so much certainty that it was killing her inside that she didn’t do more to stop her from running away from her. A part of her knew she needed to tell someone, even if it was just Henry, but a part of her didn’t want to.

It was almost as if she knew she _couldn’t_. Maybe it was the fear she’d seen in Emma’s eyes from the moment Emma looked at her, maybe it was something else.

Maybe she was having some doubts of her own and there was also a slight chance she might even be dreaming at that very moment.

The iPad started to ring suddenly, the sound of it filling the silence in the room like a knife slicing through butter. She nearly dropped the iPad and then fumbled as she tried to swipe across the screen to answer it.

“Hey Mom!” Henry grinned as he waved at her. “Heard you got stuck in London. That sucks!”

“Hello, Henry.” Regina smiled brightly at him and he waved again with a laugh. “Yes, I’m in London. I was told this morning I might not be able to leave for Paris until tomorrow evening. I do hope it isn’t that long, really.”

“Yeah, you’ve been looking forward to this for months, Mom, but Mal said it’s really cool there, too!”

“You’ve been talking to Maleficent?” Regina glared at him. “Why?”

“I saw her at the store yesterday. She asked about you. I told her you were on your way to Paris but got caught in a storm and ended up in London instead. She told me she was there last year with Lily and that it was really cool.”

“I see. What else did she tell you?”

“Uh,” Henry said as he scrunched his face. “I think she mentioned a place called Schooner’s to check out while you’re there. Some kind of café, I think?” It was the very same café she’d just come from and the shock was clear on her face as Henry started to talk again. “Mom, you okay?”

“Hmm?”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“No,” she said and she chuckled awkwardly. “It’s just that’s where I had breakfast just now. A rather late breakfast, that is. What a coincidence.”

“Totally,” Henry laughed, oblivious to the lie she could even see on her own face on the video on the screen. “Okay well, I just wanted to check in and say hi. I’ll let you go. I woke up early to call you and I think I’m gonna go back to sleep for a little while before school. Have fun in London, Mom!”

“I will, Henry. Bye, I love you.”

“I love you too!”

Regina stared down at the black screen for several minutes before she placed the iPad back on top of her luggage. It wasn’t long before she picked it back up and brought up the messages app. She typed in Maleficent’s number from memory and began to type.

**_I think you were right all along, Mal._ **

**_Was I? Who is this?_ **

**_Regina._ **

**_Oh, how is London, dear? I heard you got diverted there._ **

**_I saw her. Emma._ **

**_At that café you mentioned to Henry._ **

**_Schooner’s? Yes, that was the place._ **

**_Did you ever look into the address I gave you?_ **

**_It was for Schooner’s._ **

**_Is it really her?_ **

**_Yes._ **

**_I think it is._ **

**_You were right._ **

**_What are you going to do now?_ **

**_Nothing. She saw me and she ran._ **

**_Go and find her. Go!_ **

**_No, Mal. I am not going to find her._ **

**_I don’t know this city and she could be anywhere._ **

**_Oh for crying out loud, Regina. Use magic._ **

**_London is rich with it._ **

**_Go!_ **

[X]

London truly was rich with magic. Regina felt it, though it was brief and not as strong as it felt in Storybrooke or the Enchanted Forest, it was there and it was real. And it was just enough to give her a boost to the locator spell she placed on Emma Swan.

It wasn’t perfect, the spell, as it only acted as a map to where Emma had been, not where she currently was. But, the link she was following from place to place had started to become stronger and she knew she was getting closer. It was all a matter of catching up before Emma got too far away or managed to disappear completely.

Regina followed the spell for hours until it just stopped outside of a small house just outside the city. It was where she’d been standing for the last half an hour, struggling with an internal debate over whether or not she should knock on the door or just walk away completely. She’d already spooked Emma and she didn’t want to do it again, but she wanted answers from her, she _needed_ them and she wasn’t about to walk away until she got what she came there for.

It started to drizzle and Regina shivered, stepping through the slush on the road left over from the storm, and walked up to the front door. She knocked twice before her impatience built up too quickly and she pressed the buzzer for the doorbell. Once, twice, and almost a third before the door opened.

“How did you find me?”

“Can I come in?” Regina asked casually. “Just for a moment. Please? I think you owe me that much, Emma Swan.”

“Don’t call me that here,” she hissed and she sighed before she took a step back. “Just for a minute. One. Then you leave and you never come back.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“I think you know exactly what I am talking about,” Regina snapped and gods, she was so furious she didn’t know whether she wanted to smack Emma for her idiocy or kiss her because she was so relieved to finally see her again after believing for the last year that she was dead. Emma looked terrified and she looked like she wanted to run. Again.

“You don’t know?” Emma laughed. It hurt Regina to hear her laugh like that. “I tell you that I was in love with you once and you let me walk away, Regina. You just let me walk away. You never came after me. I thought you would.”

“I was supposed to do that?”

“Yes!”

“We thought you were dead!”

“You did?” Emma looked at her in complete confusion. “Why would you think that I—”

“They found a body. You were missing for over a month at that point. Nobody knew where you were, Emma. A body showed up and your idiot parents believed it was you!” Regina was beyond furious now and she didn’t care that she was screaming at her, all the while stepping forward for every step that she took back. “You just left,” Regina said, her voice quiet. “You disappeared and then we thought you were dead.”

“I disappeared to start over. I never wanted any of you to think that I was dead, just gone.”

“isn’t that the same thing?”

“Not really?” Emma frowned and she gasped as her back hit the wall behind her and Regina took another step forward until they were nearly touching. “I sent Henry a birthday gift. Do you think I would’ve done that if I wanted you to believe I was dead?”

“I don’t know, would you?”

“Well, he knows it was from me, right?” she asked and Regina clenched her jaw tight, unable to say anything. “I just wanted to be gone, that’s all. I—I was going to come back. I meant to come back, but the longer I was gone, the easier it was just to stay.”

Regina trembled as Emma gently placed her hands on hers. Emma was right there in front of her, inches away, touching her, and it still didn’t quite feel real. She was still trembling as she lifted her hands, wanting to reach out and just touch her to make it seem more real somehow. She just wasn’t convinced.

“You’re not going to call me a selfish idiot?” Emma asked, a smile curling over her lips when it drew out a reaction she expected. Regina rolled her eyes and took a step back far enough for Emma to have to let go. “At the time, it felt like the easiest and hardest thing to do, just disappear. I knew or hoped, rather, that no one would ever find me or think to look for me here.”

“Lily and Mal saw you.”

“I know. They spooked me good, too, but after a few weeks and nobody showed up, I didn’t worry about it again, you know?” Emma sighed and she ran her fingers through her dark hair. “Wild, huh? I always wanted to be a brunette.”

“I think my minute is up.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not going to kick me out?”

“Doesn’t look like it, does it, Regina?”

Regina sighed shakily and shook her head no, a smile slowly curling over her own lips as she stared at Emma. “No, it doesn’t look like you are,” she said. “I’m angry with you, Emma, so _fucking_ angry I—I—”

“I know,” she frowned and she reached out for Regina’s hand. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else to talk, okay? Pretty sure my flatmates think they’re now living with a dead woman or you’re just crazy or whatever.” Emma laughed and tugged on Regina’s hand. “Come on, I know a great little place down the street where we can get a drink and talk. Let me just get my jacket and we’ll go, okay?”

Regina nodded, now speechless, because Emma Swan was standing right in front of her and she was real. This wasn’t some kind of a dream she was going to wake up from any moment now, it was real and Emma was alive.

Emma disappeared into a room upstairs and came back down a moment later wearing the same red leather jacket she used to always wear, the same one she’d had on the night she left. Emma grabbed a set of keys off the hook by the door before reaching out for Regina’s hand. Regina wasn’t sure what she wanted to say and she just allowed Emma to lead the way out of the house and down to the street.

“You really thought I was dead?” Emma asked, breaking the silence a few minutes after they’d left the house. “Really?”

“They thought it was you.”

“So, you’re telling me that my parents buried someone who isn’t me but looks like it could’ve been me?” Emma asked. “What?”

“They didn’t—there was no funeral.”

“Oh, right, I told them I didn’t want one and that I wanted to be cremated. Did they do that?”

“They did.”

“What did they do with the ashes?”

“Currently they’re sitting packed up in a cardboard box. They just bought a house where I’m sure the urn they’re in will have a new home on the mantel there soon.”

“Oh my god, that’s so morbid!” Emma laughed and she still held onto Regina’s hand as they continued to walk down the street. “Really?” Upon Regina’s nod, Emma kept laughing. “I’m sorry, Regina, but this is the craziest, most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard in my life and I’ve heard a lot of things. They really keep an urn of my ashes on their mantel?”

“Clearly they aren’t _your_ ashes, but yes, they do.”

“Gross,” Emma said with a shudder and she let go of Regina’s hand to link their arms together. “So, that means I’m legally dead?”

“Yes. There was a certificate and everything.”

“Wow.”

“How much further is this place?” Regina asked, the cold and dampness in the air getting to her. “I’ve been following you for hours.”

“I know. I felt you,” she said. “Your magic. I felt it. It’s why I stopped running. I did that once. I don’t feel like doing it again, really.”

“So, you knew all along that I would find you.”

“I did.” Emma stopped at the corner and looked over at her. “Are you going to tell them that you found me? That I’m alive?”

“I should.”

“What does that mean?”

“Emma, everyone that has ever cared about you and loved you believes you to be dead. I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation or the immense amount of grief that you’ve put us all through for the last year,” Regina said and her anger was slipping back in as she let go of Emma’s arm. “Did you think you could just leave and we would just do what, exactly? Move on with our lives?”

“Yes?” Emma seemed unsure and that fear was back in her eyes again. “I know it wasn’t going to be like that, I’m not that much of an idiot, Regina, but I also knew—hoped that nobody would ever find me here. This seemed easier. It _was_ easier. I don’t think you get it, Regina. I was done. _Done_ with my life. _Done_ with trying to please everyone and I was just _done_ being the savior. The only way out of that life was to do it like this, to disappear and become someone else.”

“If you didn’t want to marry him, all you had to do was call off the wedding. You didn’t have to leave.”

“I left for a lot of reasons, most of what I just told you,” Emma said and she threw her hairs out and groaned loudly. “What more do you want from me, Regina? I took the cowards way out and disappeared, thinking it was easier. I was never brave enough. I told you that. Did you read that post-it after I left at all?”

“I did.”

“I told you I wasn’t brave enough. I wish I was. Maybe if I was I would’ve figured out how to stay. Maybe I wouldn’t have run if I was brave enough.”

“You’re still not brave enough, are you?” Regina asked and her heart skipped a beat as Emma took a step closer to her. “Are you brave enough now, Emma Swan?”

“To go back? No,” she said, her warm breath spilling over Regina’s lips as she spoke. “To kiss you? Yes. I’m brave enough to do that. My question is, Regina, are you?”

Regina closed the small gap between them, grabbing onto Emma’s head and she kissed her with all that she had. It was raw. It was passionate. It was a breath of fresh air and it was the very thing that filled that empty void that resided in her heart for far too many years. Regina was dizzy with want and buzzing with need as Emma kissed her deeply, holding onto her so tight she was certain if Emma let her go, she’d melt away.

She didn’t want to stop, afraid again that maybe she was wrong and that this really was a dream. She didn’t want to stop because this, kissing Emma endlessly, was everything she had yearned for and dreamt of for far too long.

“Hi,” Emma smiled as Regina’s eyes fluttered open. “Still want to go for that drink?”

“Yes.”

“Ding,” Emma laughed and she nuzzled her nose against Regina’s and exhaled softly. “Where are you staying?”

“In London.”

“You wanna get outta here?”

“No.”

Emma laughed again and kissed her ever so softly. “Ding. Liar. Come on, let’s go. It’s absolutely freezing out here!”

They weren’t too far from the train and Emma led her down the station stairs, laughing at the look on Regina’s face as a few rats ran by in front of them. Emma never let go of her hand as they waited for the next train. Regina just couldn’t take her eyes off of her either and her heart was racing so quickly it felt as if it were about to burst. The ride back into the city was rather quick and Emma knew exactly where she was going, it seemed, as she led Regina confidently through the station and up to the street above.

The block it took them to walk to Regina’s hotel felt as if it were miles away. Regina hurried along with Emma down the busy street and sighed in relief as they stepped inside the warm hotel and headed straight for the elevators. The instant the doors closed and the old elevator jerked as it lifted them up to the next floor, Emma had her pressed against the wall and was kissing her hungrily.

It was years of sexual tension coming to meet for the first time and it was beyond exhilarating and explosive. It was years of longing, of yearning, and Regina’s hands weren’t shy in grasping at Emma, wanting nothing more than to feel every inch of her skin beneath her fingertips.

The elevator dinged as the doors opened once they reached the fourth floor and Emma pulled back from the kiss with a gasp and pulled Regina out of the elevator with her. They were kissing again before they reached the room Regina was staying in and she had to struggled to try and slide the key card in the slot. She cried out as Emma’s hips pressed hers back into the door and she pulled back from Emma’s delectable lips with a moan.

“Let me just—I can’t—”

“Here,” Emma whispered, blindly reaching down and helped her slip the card into the slot, grinning as it beeped this time and unlocked the door. She pressed the handle down to open it and laughed as Regina grabbed onto the front lapels of her jacket and forcefully pulled her inside. “Jesus,” Emma gasped. “Regina wait—”

“Wait?” Regina let her go and Emma backed up against the door, closing it shut. “I think we’ve waited long enough, don’t you?”

“It’s just,” Emma sighed as she licked over her lips and then let out a small laugh before she pushed off the door. “I need to tell you something first. Something I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

“So, you are brave enough now, are you?”

“Yes.” Emma slipped off her jacket and Regina did the same, but they never took their eyes off one another. “I lied when I wrote you that note that day. I said I was in love with you once. I still was then and I still am now. God, I am so in love with you, Regina. Will you get over here and kiss me already? You’re driving me crazy and all I want is to—”

Regina shut her up with a crushing kiss and tears spilled from her eyes almost instantly. Arousal coursed through her body as Emma was bold in her touch, her hands grasping at her ass before lifting her up onto the bed. Regina’s heels clattered to the floor as she pulled Emma down on the bed with her and she moaned as Emma settled between her legs, the weight of her turning her on even more.

Emma rolled them over, somehow effortlessly maneuvering them to the middle of the bed with Regina on top straddling her hips. She gasped as she ground down against Emma’s pelvis and felt liquid pool in her already wet panties. She was _throbbing_ , aching, dripping wet with need and arousal. She was certain she’d never been so turned on in her life and all just from a kiss. And all it took was one small whimper from Emma when she bit on Emma’s bottom lip and it caused her orgasm to thunder through her body suddenly, taking them both by surprise.

“Fuck,” Emma gasped as she pulled Regina back, her hand tangled in Regina’s hair and her short nails scraping lightly along her scalp. “Fuck, Regina, that was _so_ sexy. Did you just—”

“Yes,” Regina murmured. “Fuck, indeed.”

“Fuck,” Emma laughed. “I wonder what’ll happen when I actually…touch you,” she murmured, her other hand drifting down along Regina’s side, her fingers slipping just under the edge of Regina’s shirt. “Can I?”

“Yes. You needn’t ask, Emma.”

“Okay.”

Emma kissed her, but it was soft and light, her fingers skimming along her skin at her hip just for a few lingering moments before she sat up, moving her arms to hold Regina still in her lap. She reached up to bury a hand in Regina’s hair once again, pulling her back in for another kiss, one that was deep and long and left Regina’s yearning for more.

She tugged on the hem of Emma’s plain white t-shirt, moaning as she pulled back from Emma’s lip to pull her shirt up and over her head. Emma’s eyes were darker now as she stared deeply into them and she looked down as she felt Emma’s fingers now unbuttoning her blouse, each one coming undone a little quicker than the last. Regina swallowed hard as she watched Emma gently pull her unbuttoned blouse apart and she watched as Emma’s eyes raked over her breasts barely contained by her lacy black bra.

If she doubted, even just for a moment, that Emma wasn’t in love with her, the look in Emma’s eyes right there would’ve chased those doubts away fast. It was nothing but pure hunger, pure lust, pure love.

Emma dipped her head forward, nipping playfully at Regina’s jaw as her hands began to pull Regina’s blouse off from around her shoulders. She kissed and licked and nipped at the column of Regina’s neck, pulling the blouse free from her arms and tossed it aside behind her. Her hands smoothed up Regina’s back, eliciting a moan that stirred from deep inside of her.

Emma murmured softly under her breath as she trailed featherlight kisses along the swell of Regina’s breasts. Each kiss was unhurried as she lingered before moving to the spot right next to it. Regina closed her eyes and thread her fingers through Emma’s hair, savoring each touch of Emma’s warm lips against her skin. She trembled as Emma traced her fingers up along her spine and deftly flicked the clasp of Regina’s bra open.

It was quiet in the small room and Regina focused on every gasp and every little moan that slipped past Emma’s lips. She was also trying so hard not to focus on the little voice in the back of her mind that reminded her relentlessly that she had never been with a woman before and it was making her nervous as well as extremely aroused. The last thing she wanted was for this to end up disastrously and ultimately disappointing in the end.

“Emma.” Regina felt her body twitch as Emma teasingly swiped her tongue over a hardening nipple. “Emma, I—”

“Are you okay?” Emma whispered. “Do you want to stop?”

“I’ve never done this before,” she said and Emma looked up at her incredulously. “I’ve never been with another woman before.”

“Ever?”

Regina bit her bottom lip, blushing as Emma just stared at her with wide eyes. She shook her head no and gasped as Emma moved her hands under her unclasped bra and cupped her breasts.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe.”

“The only woman I have ever wanted to be with is you, Emma. Is that something else that you find hard to believe, too?”

“Okay,” Emma whispered and she slowly began to ease Regina’s bra down her arms. “I’ll go slow, all right? If there is anything you’re unsure of or aren’t ready for yet, just tell me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’re not going to ask me if I have?” Emma asked with a raised eyebrow as she tossed Regina’s bra down on the other end of the bed. “Really?”

“Well, have you?”

“It was a long time ago,” Emma said with a small shrug. “A very, very long time ago.”

Regina sighed as Emma rolled her over onto her back, her eyes darkening as a wave of jealousy suddenly rippled through her. “Who was she?”

“I’m not going to talk about my one-night stand with this random chick at a bar when I have you right here in front of me, Regina, finally after all this time.” Emma shook her head and knelt between Regina’s slightly parted thighs. “All I want right now is to spend the next couple of hours making love. Can we do that, Regina? Because right now, I don’t want to think about anyone else other than you.”

Regina simply nodded, her eyes on Emma’s fingers that were tracing a light line down the middle of her abdomen. She sucked in a deep breath as Emma placed a kiss just above her navel, her hands already unbuttoning her slacks and then easing them down over her hips. Her lips hovered over her skin just above the waistband of her panties and Regina lifted her lips to help Emma slip her pants down her hips and then halfway down her thighs.

Emma slipped off the bed, pulling her pants the rest of the way down her legs in one fluid motion. She just stood there for a moment, her eyes roaming all over Regina’s nearly naked body and then she was fumbling with the button on her too-tight jeans and scrambling to get out of them quickly. Laughter escaped from her as soon as Emma fell down on the floor and she leaned up on her elbows with a roll of her eyes.

“Get back up here, you idiot,” she murmured as Emma pulled herself up from the floor and crawled back onto the bed, hovering just on top of her. “Smooth moves, Swan.”

Emma laughed and gods, it filled Regina so thoroughly and it made her feel so warm, so alive. It made her forget about how much that ache in her heart had hurt for so very long. Too long.

She pulled Emma down flush against her, needing to feel her skin against her own. Patience was never something easy when it came to everything in her life, it seemed, and getting Emma out of her bra ended with her nearly ripping it off of her with a growl of frustration when the clasp wouldn’t come undone easily. The heat of Emma’s skin against hers nearly sent her tumbling over the edge once more and she was nearly there as Emma pressed a strong thigh against her pussy, making her damp panties rub against her in the most delicious way.

Emma was wet too. She could feel her as she rolled her hips down against the thigh she was straddling. Regina deftly slid her hands down Emma’s bare back and just under the hem of her tight panties. She pulled Emma’s hips down a little harder until she felt Emma gasp against her lips, a moan of pure unadulterated pleasure following soon after. Emma was trembling as she held herself up with her hands, her arms shaking a little as she ground her hips down against Regina’s thigh a little harder.

Emma leaned back and reached for Regina’s hands, gently pulling them out from under the hem of her panties. With a small smile, she placed Regina’s hands against the mattress just above her head and kissed her hard and deep.

“Not yet,” Emma whispered in between each kiss. “Let me take care of you first. Okay?”

“Gods, Emma, just touch me,” Regina cried out in frustration. “You’ll have plenty of time to tease me afterward. Just please—”

“Patience.”

“I have none!”

Emma chuckled and shook her head before she tightened her grip on Regina’s wrists, pinning her to the bed tightly. “I know you don’t, but, I need you to just let me do this for you, okay? Let me love you. Please? Just trust me.”

Regina relaxed under Emma tight and firm hold. She did trust her even though a part of her was saying that she shouldn’t, not after she left and disappeared and had been alive that whole time. She trusted Emma more than life itself, so much she would trust Emma to hold her heart for all of eternity and never once worry. And Emma trusted her, too. She’d always known that almost right from the start and she knew it still now.

All she could do was focus on Emma’s lips on her skin, tracing a small and languid path down her body. She bit her bottom lip when Emma nipped at her inner thigh and then eased her panties down, inch by tantalizing, torturous inch. She was almost too afraid to open her eyes as Emma spread her legs, afraid if she did she would most definitely wake up that time from the most incredible dream she’d ever had before.

The heat of Emma’s tongue slipping up along her dripping cunt sparked a wave of pleasure that coursed through her body. She gripped the sheets and her back arched off the mattress as Emma boldly circled her throbbing clit with the tip of her warm, wet tongue.

Of the few dreams she’d had of Emma in a moment like this, none of it even came close to the real thing. With every moan that fell past Emma’s lips, she felt it reverberate through her body. By the fourth hungry moan, Regina came.

She could feel Emma’s hot breath against her as Emma held her hips down. Every one of her senses was on fire and she moaned out Emma’s name over and over again. She whimpered as Emma raked her short nails up her stomach and back down again. None of her past lovers had ever made her _whimper_.

“Fuck, that was the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard,” Emma murmured and then she groaned as she buried her face against Regina’s left thigh. “I just said that out loud, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” Regina laughed. “Why don’t you see if you can make me do that again, Em- _ma_.”

“Is that a challenge?” Emma asked as she lifted her head away from Regina’s thigh.

“Does that mean you accept?”

“Absolutely, though I never took you for a pillow princess,” Emma teased. “Or a bott—om. Oh.” Emma blinked up at her in surprise as she was suddenly on her back and Regina sat astride her. “Neat trick.”

“I may be a lot of things,” Regina said and she groaned as she bit her bottom lip and traced a hand down the center of Emma’s chest and then down her flat stomach. “But I am certainly not a bottom,” she said lowly, her fingers now dancing over Emma’s tight red panties. She leaned back a little, watching as she skimped her fingers over Emma’s slit. “You’d do best to remember that, Em- _ma_.”

Emma panted softly and licked her lips. “Jesus, okay,” she whispered. “Kiss me.”

_Always_.

[X]

Forty-two hours holed up in a little hotel room in London was not enough time. It would never be enough time. Regina hadn’t left that room since they got there and neither had Emma. They barely left the bed if it could be helped. It just wasn’t enough time.

Regina turned to Emma as they laid in the bed, the afternoon sun just dipping down in the horizon and they hadn’t bothered to turn a lamp on yet. Emma lay there beside her, simply just staring up at the ceiling since the airport called to let her know her flight to Paris was being rescheduled and it’d be leaving that night.

“Come home with me.” Regina hated how pleading and desperate her voice sounded, but she wasn’t ready to leave. Not yet. “Please?”

“I can’t. I’m not—”

“If you’re not brave enough yet, then come to Paris with me. Please, Emma. I don’t think I can let you go just yet. I don’t want to. I can’t.”

“Paris for a couple of days, huh? Just you and me?” Emma asked and she turned to look over at Regina with a small, tired smile. “That sounds nice, actually.”

“Will you come with me?”

“What happens after?” Emma asked and Regina’s heart fell a little. “What if I am not brave enough to go back home yet?”

It was what she’d feared after the last couple of days she’d spent there holed up in that little room with Emma. Deep down she knew Emma had disappeared because it was what she had wanted and that she wasn’t ready yet to go back to the life she’d run away from in the first place. If Regina had that chance in the past to do just that, she knew she would’ve taken that chance in a heartbeat.

“Henry misses you,” Regina whispered, saying his name for the first time since she first laid eyes on her days earlier. “He has a job now,” she continued even when Emma didn’t say anything. “Zelena bought him a car for his birthday.”

“What?” That got Emma’s attention. “She bought him a car? Why the hell would she buy him a car? He’s only sixteen!”

Regina laughed because it was exactly how she’d reacted, too. “He’s a good driver,” she said and Emma smiled as she turned on her side and reached out to trace her fingertips along the outside of Regina’s bare shoulder. “It’s yellow, the car. Henry’s car.”

“Are you serious? It’s not my old Bug, is it?”

“No,” Regina laughed. “What is it with you and the color yellow?”

“I drove a yellow Bug, I like the color yellow, but never did I ever say it was my favorite.”

“Not to mention your parents have your ashes in a god-awful ugly yellow urn.”

“Maybe I really do need to go home. Get that whole mess all sorted out.” Emma paused. “When I’m ready.”

In the darkness of the room, Regina struggled to read what was really going through Emma’s mind as she stared deep into her eyes. She did see one thing she recognized very clearly and that was the fear showing in Emma’s eyes, fear she was trying to hide as she sat up in bed and flipped on the bedside light.

“So, if I’m gonna come with you to Paris for a couple of days, I need to pack. What time is the flight out?”

“Eleven.”

“Meet you back here or at the airport?” Emma asked and she was already grabbing her clothes and pulling them on one by one. “Airport then? I’ll be there in no less than two hours. That gives us plenty of time to check in before we board the plane, yeah?”

Emma was such in a rush to get out of there, but not so much that she didn’t kiss Regina goodbye before she left. Regina didn’t move from that bed until the front desk called to remind her that the car to the airport would be there in half an hour.

It was a scramble for her to shower, to pack everything, and make it downstairs in time for the car that was out front waiting for her. She was nervous and excited, but her nervousness was winning, unfortunately. It wasn’t a long drive to the airport and it was busy, yet the driver dropped her off in front of the entrance to her terminal and he was off, disappearing into a sea of other black cabs that were coming and going.

Emma needed a ticket to fly to Paris with her and she headed for the ticket counter after nearly getting lost in the dense crowd. The line was long and she tried to wait as patiently as she could, her eyes constantly darting over at the entrance to try and find Emma in the blur of people rushing to and from. After half an hour in line, her nerves were starting to grate on her and her fingers were tight around the handle of her luggage as she continued to wait.

As she neared the front of the line, she chewed her bottom lip worryingly. _Where was she_? Two people behind the front of the line and she was becoming furious. Emma was nowhere to be seen and she couldn’t buy a ticket for her without a passport. She let the woman behind her go ahead, buying Emma just another five minutes at most. Five minutes came and gone and Regina looked towards the doors helplessly, her heart beginning to crumble under the weight of disappointment.

Dozens of people, including her, stopped at the sound of an incredulous crash that happened just inside the entrance. The crowd dispersed a little and that’s when she saw her. Emma was tangled up in a mess of luggage and people on the floor and scrambling to get her leg free from a luggage strap that was wrapped around it. Her heart was pounding and she couldn’t help but laugh at the scene that unfolded, at least of what she could see through the crowd, and relief filled her immensely as Emma finally got free, grabbed the duffel bag off the floor and started sprinting towards her.

“Regina!” Emma called out and Regina waved, watching as relief flooded over Emma’s flushed face. She ducked under the chain that kept the line contained and sighed heavily as she dropped her bag to the floor beside her feet. “Oh my god, I thought I wasn’t going to make it in time.”

“You’re here.”

“Yeah.”

“You caused quite a scene,” Regina said and Emma nodded as she slipped her hands over Regina’s hips, nodding again as she leaned in a little closer. “What the hell happened, anyway?”

“I tripped.”

“Klutz,” Regina murmured just as Emma was about to kiss her right there in the middle of the airport, but she stopped suddenly, quirking a curious eye at her.

“I thought I was an idiot?” Emma laughed. “Can’t go changing my name now.”

“You _are_ an idiot, dear.”

“Your idiot,” Emma whispered before closing the gap between them and she kissed Regina, keeping the kiss soft and light.

“My idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have made it this far, thank you, now the story can really begin!


	10. Chapter 10

DECEMBER (in Paris)

The first three days in Paris, they spent it sight-seeing and wandering around the city, getting lost together, creating their own little adventure of sorts. It was amazing and Regina never wanted to leave, not really, but by the fourth day, they were tired of doing the tourist thing and holed themselves up in Regina’s hotel room and spent the remainder of their time in Paris much how they’d spent those two days in London.

They didn’t talk about anything, really, at least nothing regarding Henry or their family back home. They just lost themselves in the little cocoon they’d created in that hotel room. The only time Emma ever left the room or her over the course of that week in Paris had been when she needed to call and facetime with Henry before he got too worried about her. His words, not hers.

On the last day, a Wednesday and almost exactly a week before Christmas, they checked out of the hotel at eleven that morning and wandered the streets together, hand in hand. Regina’s flight back to Boston wasn’t until five and Emma wouldn’t be flying back to London until a few hours after that. Despite that, they were at the airport by two that afternoon, sitting near the front of the terminal while they waited for it to be closer to the time for Regina to head past security and wait in the boarding area for her flight home.

She had been toying with asking Emma that question, the same one she’d asked earlier in the week. _Come home with me_. The words never came out and she was growing terrified that this may just be the very last time that she sees her. For a long time or for good. She wasn’t okay with either, she wasn’t okay with any other option other than the one where Emma decided to come home with her.

“Thank you,” Emma whispered as she laid her head on Regina’s shoulders. “I think it’s safe to say that this has been the best week of my life, Regina.”

“Mine as well.”

“Regina,” Emma said softly and she lifted her head, her eyes hard and watery as she looked at Regina and shifted on the bench they were sitting on. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“About my trip?”

“About me.”

“You want me to lie?” Regina asked and yes, she realized, they were having this conversation now, half an hour before she was due to head through security ahead of her flight. “Do you know how hard it is for me to lie to our son, Emma?”

“I know. I just—I’m not ready yet.”

“Because you’re not brave enough?”

Emma sighed and reached for Regina’s hand, frowning when Regina snapped it away and put a bit of distance between them on the bench. “I’m not brave enough. It’s more than that, though,” she said quietly. “I created a life here. I can’t just leave.”

“You just left before. What makes this new life of your so damned special, Emma?”

 “I need to tie up some loose ends,” Emma whispered. “Please, Regina, don’t ask me what they are. When I’m ready, I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”

“You owe me, Emma Swan, you owe me a hell of a lot of answers, more than I think you even know. What loose ends do you possibly have to tie up? You never did any of that when you just ran away and disappeared the last time. You left so many people heartbroken, devastated, grieving, so if you think just for one minute that tying up loose ends in your new life is justifiable—”

“I know it’s not and I don’t expect you to understand,” Emma said simply. “You’ve forgiven me, haven’t you?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Emma laughed and casually draped an arm along the back of the bench behind Regina. She moved her other hand to Regina’s knee and lightly traced circles over it and then her fingers began to creep up her thigh in a way that made Regina involuntarily moan and shudder just knowing what those fingers were capable of.

“Stop.”

“That’s not what you were saying earlier.”

“We are in a public place,” she said in a huff as she placed a hand over Emma’s and frowned. “I am not getting arrested in a foreign country because _you_ can’t keep your wandering hands to yourself.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Regina snapped. “Why don’t you want to come home? Why can’t you just tell me why? You keep saying it is because you’re not brave enough and that you’re not ready, but you still haven’t told me why.”

“Do you know why it took me so long to get to the airport in London?” Emma asked and Regina swallowed thickly because the tone in Emma’s voice had changed completely. Emma looked terrified again, more than she had the first time she laid her eyes on Regina in the busy café. “It’s not that easy to convince my flatmates to watch a six-month-old baby for a whole week.”

“What?”

Emma’s expression was unreadable and Regina’s head was reeling. _What_?

“What did you just say?”

“I think you heard me loud and clear, Regina.”

Regina felt dizzy, sick, and she also felt anger, unlike the likes of which she’d felt in over ten years, possibly even longer. Her first instinct was to slap Emma, to make her feel even just a shred of the pain she had made her and everyone else feel for the past year. It truly seemed as if Emma didn’t fully realize the gravity of the situation or how much her leaving had utterly destroyed her family.

But she didn’t do that. She sat there frozen, her eyes filling with tears, words failing to escape. An announcement came over the PA system in French and then another followed in English announcing that her flight was now allowed into the boarding area ahead of the long flight to Boston.

“You have a baby?” Regina whispered, the words sounding foreign in her ears.

“Yes.”

“How?”

Emma laughed softly but she was crying, Regina realized, as she finally allowed herself to just _look_ at her. “I didn’t know until after I left. I was four months along. I only planned on going as far as New Jersey, but when I found out, I panicked. By then, it was too late. Too late to get an abortion because, god, Regina, I was supposed to marry _him_ and there I was, running away and pregnant with _his_ baby. I didn’t want any of that, that life, I just didn’t. I couldn’t do it. I felt like I was suffocating the whole time and I needed to just go somewhere where I could breathe, finally.”

Regina didn’t pull her hands back this time when Emma reached out for them. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling either and she didn’t know what she was feeling now other than the absolute shock that had settled in deeply.

“Allison Martin is an alias I used a long time ago when I worked as a bail bondswoman. I had all the paperwork including a passport that was actually legit, you know? I could go anywhere in the world and nobody would find me. I knew that. I could’ve gone anywhere but I ended up in London a week after I left and I just…stayed.”

“Why London?”

“I have friends there,” Emma replied. “People I knew when I was struggling to live my life after I got out of jail, people who helped me out more times than I can count on both hands. They’re good people. They—they didn’t ask too many questions about why I was there or why I was pregnant and running. They just gave me a room, clothes to wear, food to eat.”

“Your flatmates?”

“Yeah, Cole and Keira. They’re running, too,” Emma said and she exhaled sharply before running her fingers through her brown hair. “That’s why the longer I was gone, the easier it was to stay gone. How the hell was I supposed to come home while I was pregnant and expect people to understand why I left? After I had the baby, I thought to myself, how the hell am I supposed to come home with a baby and expect anyone to understand why I left at all? You know how my parents are, especially my mother, she would _never_ understand anything.”

Another announcement sounded over the PA and Regina knew she had to go. She had to go and she didn’t want to, she wanted to stay there and hear the whole story that Emma had failed to tell her all week.

“Is he still there?” Emma asked as she got up from the bench with Regina and picked up her luggage for her. “Killian, is he still there?”

“No,” Regina said tightly. “He left. Nobody has seen or heard from him since shortly after you disappeared. Emma, I need to go.”

“I know,” she frowned. “Regina, I’m sorry—”

“Sorry for what, Emma?” Regina challenged dangerously and she shook her head when all Emma could do was frown deeply in response. “Don’t worry, Swan, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone that I found you or about the amazingly incredible week that we just had together. And don’t you worry, your other secret is safe with me, too.”

It was already a lie. Maleficent knew she’d found Emma and she had to hope to hell that the woman had enough sense in her mind not to say a word to anyone else about it. It was a lie Emma didn’t need to know and she turned on her heels, heading through the terminal towards the security line with Emma following close behind her.

“Regina,” Emma tried as she grabbed onto her arm. “Look at me, please?”

“Why?”

“I love you,” Emma whispered shakily. “This isn’t the end, Regina. This isn’t—it won’t be the last time that we see each other.”

“How do I know that for certain? How do I know that these so-called loose ends that you claim you have to tie up isn’t just a lie to cover up the very fact that you are going to run again, hmm?”

Regina took the handle of her luggage out of Emma’s hand and gripped it tight as she joined the line and more people lined up behind them. She was so angry and she knew Emma knew. She didn’t need to use words for Emma to know just how angry she was. It still didn’t deter Emma or stop her from trying.

“Please,” she whispered as she tried to grab onto Regina’s free hand. “I just need a little bit of time, Regina. I’m not—”

“Ready yet,” Regina said flatly. “Yes, I know. You keep insisting that you aren’t, but I know the truth, Emma Swan. You’re nothing but a coward.”

“I’m not—”

“But you are,” Regina snapped. “You ran because you were suffocating and I understand that, I do. You ran and you started a new life and I am starting to understand why you did that too. You didn’t just do it for you and your own selfish reasons, you did it for the baby.”

“You’re not even going to ask me what her name is, are you?”

“No.”

Emma’s tears and the crestfallen look on her face absolutely ripped Regina’s heart to shreds, but she stepped forward as the line began to move and she pulled her hand free from Emma’s tight grasp.

“Regina.”

She ignored her, stepping forward again when the line moved a minute later. Emma was persistent and she stepped in front of her, shoving the passenger ahead of them a little to the point where the man turned around, red in the face, yelled at her in French before turning back around.

“Do you love me?”

“I don’t know anymore, Emma.”

“How can you say that?” Emma asked dejectedly. “After this week, how can you say that, Regina?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to fall back in love with you yet, Emma Swan.”

“Is it because I’m not coming home with you?”

_Yes. No. Maybe_.

“Regina, let me ask you something,” Emma said quickly when the line began to move again and they were near the metal detectors, just a few people away. “If I stayed and called off the wedding, would things have been different for us?”

_Yes._

“If I stayed and things changed for _us_ , would you have still stayed with me when we found out that I was pregnant with _his_ baby?”

_No._

_Maybe._

“There are a lot of reasons why I ran, Regina, those are just some of them,” Emma whispered and she wiped away her tears before taking a step closer to Regina. She smiled as she shakily lifted her hands and cupped Regina’s face gently. “Every day I wonder what would’ve happened if you came after me that night. Every day I wonder how much different our lives could’ve been if things had been different that night.”

“I spent the last year wondering the very same thing,” Regina whispered, her lips now dry and her eyes watery but her tears refused to fall. She wouldn’t let them. “Maybe it would’ve been different. We will never know. You need to go, Emma.”

Emma kissed her then and she tried to push her away, she didn’t want to leave with the taste of Emma’s lips ghosting over hers for the next seven and a half hours. Or longer, still. She struggled and pushed at Emma’s chest, but it was fruitless as there was no real strength behind her struggle and Emma kept kissing her hard and deep.

“I’ll come home soon,” Emma whispered as she ended the kiss, but she stayed close and her lips brushed over Regina’s as the tears in Regina’s eyes finally began to fall.

“When?”

“Soon.”

And just like that, she was gone, weaving her way through the dense crowd back to the bench where she’d left her bag. The woman standing behind Regina pushed at her in annoyance as she was being waved to step forward towards the metal detectors. She stumbled, muttering a half-assed apology as she wiped away her tears and then she turned to look back in the crowd in hopes to see Emma just one last time, but the bench was empty, her bag gone, and Emma was nowhere to be found.

Lost again. Gone. Again.


	11. Chapter 11

DECEMBER (in Storybrooke)

It was easy to lie about her trip, Regina found out in the days that followed once she arrived back home. She’d taken enough pictures and brought home enough souvenirs that covered up the lie of what she really did during her trip to Paris and the inevitable stop-over in London due to that storm.

It almost amazed her how easy it was.

But then again, nobody knew Emma was still alive. Nobody knew that Emma had been in London that whole time. And nobody knew anything at all so that made the lie come easier than it should’ve been.

With Christmas fast approaching, it kept Regina busy for most of the day. She ran errands, did some last-minute shopping, wrapped gifts, and even entertained the Charming’s when they showed up at her door three days before Christmas with a real Christmas tree they ended up spending hours decorating together as a family in the den. Snow, as she’d done since Regina had gotten back from her trip, asked her endless questions about her trip, about London, about Paris. She just simply couldn’t get enough and just wanted to know _everything_.

Regina kept herself busy enough that she barely thought about Emma Swan. When she was alone and the house was quiet, it was all she could think about, and at night, it was all she dreamed about, reliving their week together over and over again.

On Christmas Eve, since she’d offered to host dinner on Christmas Day, she packed up a handful of presents in her car and headed over to the Charming’s new house on the other side of town to have dinner there. Henry had left hours earlier, spending the afternoon with his girlfriend Violet and her family to exchange gifts and have lunch with her family. He promised he’d be at the Charming’s house no later than four and Regina herself was already late.

The driveway was packed with cars, all of which Regina recognized, and she parked on the street and called out for Henry to come and help her with the gifts in the backseat. He came out of the house wearing the _ugliest_ sweater Regina had ever laid her eyes on and she burst out laughing as Henry grumbled and groaned and nearly slipped on a patch of ice as he hurried down the driveway to the street.

“Don’t laugh,” Henry said lowly. “Grandma made you one too.”

“Like hell I am going to wear anything that ugly,” Regina said firmly and Henry laughed and laughed. “There are more gifts in the trunk, dear. Can you carry those too or is it too much?”

Henry, his arms filled with meticulously wrapped gifts, shrugged and she popped the trunk open and pulled out the other ones she’d put in there a few days earlier. She piled the last of the gifts onto the pile and watched as Henry carefully made his way back up the driveway to the front door. She grabbed the gift bags and her casserole dish of lasagna she’d made upon Snow’s request and headed up to the house behind him.

The house was alive with the sound of laughter and Christmas music that played on the stereo in the living room where most were gathered and the tree sat by the window, lit brilliantly with sparkling lights and dozens of gifts already placed under the tree. She placed the gift bags by the presents Henry placed on the floor and she carried the casserole dish into the kitchen, placing it on the cluttered counter before she walked out into the hallway to remove her jacket.

“Regina!” Snow, already tipsy it seemed, ran towards her as she hung her jacket up in the closet. “You’re here!”

“I’m here,” she chuckled lightly. “Merry Christmas, Snow.”

“Oh, I have a present for you! Everyone got one already. Come,” Snow said excitedly as she grabbed onto Regina’s hand, nearly spilling her wine as she pulled Regina into the living room. “Open it,” she said as she handed Regina an awkwardly wrapped gift. “Go on, Regina, open it!”

Regina looked around at the people in the room and realized that every single one of them was wearing a similar god-awful ugly sweater like Henry had on. It left no doubt in her mind of just what that gift was and still, she opened it with a forced smile on her face and then a scowl as she lifted the sweater up from the ripped paper.

“Isn’t it hideous?” Snow giggled. “Put it on, we all are wearing ours!”

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s an ugly Christmas sweater,” Snow said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “We’re starting a new tradition this year.”

It was almost a relief to see her in good spirits, especially since they’d only just gotten the news just before Regina had flown out of Boston that Snow had, unfortunately, lost the baby at five and a half months along. Regina swallowed hard as she looked around at the others in the room, each one of them looking at her in anticipation of her putting the ugly Christmas sweater on.

“Mine lights up,” Zelena said as she walked up to her. She pressed a button on the hem of her sweater and the lights on the tree that was embroidered on it began to light up. “Neat, isn’t it?” she laughed and pointed at Regina’s sweater. “Now put it on. We have a family picture to take!”

“No pictures.”

“Oh, sis, there are going to be hundreds of pictures and in every single one of them, you are going to be wearing this.”

Regina let the sweater fall to her lap and carefully removed the cardigan she’d put on over her blouse when she’d gotten dressed earlier. She pulled the hideous sweater on and smoothed out her hair with a frown.

“Perfect!” Snow exclaimed. “All right everyone, let’s take that picture! Come on! Everyone in the living room! Children, too!”

Henry sat down beside Regina and smiled as he put an arm around her shoulders. Zelena picked Robyn up from the floor and sat perched on the arm of the couch on the other side of Regina. Snow and David sat on the other end of the couch with Neal, Granny, Ruby, and Dorothy stood behind them. Regina was surprised when she saw Gold and Belle walk out from the dining room to join them as she didn’t know they’d been invited at all. They too were wearing their ugly sweaters and Belle was positively beaming as she was so very pregnant she was about to _burst_.

“Who is taking the picture?” Snow asked once they all settled down and faced the camera that sat on the tripod. “We really didn’t think this through, did we?”

“Oh Snow, you silly nitwit,” Zelena groaned and she waved towards the camera in an obvious gesture. “Magic. On three, everyone say it together now, ‘I love my ugly Christmas sweaters’ and smile!”

Regina rolled her eyes. “That’s idiotic.”

“That’s a mouthful,” Dorothy whispered from where she stood behind Regina.

“Why can’t we just say Merry Christmas?” Henry asked. “Or, you know, cheese?”

“Cheese!” Neal shrieked as he squirmed on his father’s lap and struggled to get down to the floor. “I want cheese!”

“Cheese!” Robyn happily imitated him, clapping her hands and then grabbing at Regina’s hair. Hard. “Cheese! I want cheese!”

“Why don’t we just say ‘family’?” Snow asked and it elicited numerous groans around the room. “What? That’s what we are, isn’t it? A family?”

“You can tell they’ve never done this before,” Ruby whispered to Dorothy. “We’re about to become a part of Charming family history.”

“I am _not_ a Charming,” Regina said lowly as she turned to glare up at the two of them.

Ruby smirked and laughed at her. “Maybe not, but you’re still a part of this family.”

“Snow, get your child under control!” Granny shouted as Neal ran straight to the tree by the window and crashed into a couple of the presents—the ones Regina had meticulously wrapped. “Both of them!” Granny shouted again and pointed at David who tripped over the rug and nearly crashed face first into the coffee table.

Beside Regina, the two-year-old was now screaming loudly as Zelena struggled to calm her down, and Regina’s head was starting to throb rather painfully. Last year had been different, but then again, they didn’t attempt to take a family picture together wearing hideously ugly Christmas sweaters either. Regina’s sweater was beginning to itch and she watched the scene of the Charming’s attempting to sooth Neal and try to fix the presents that Regina looked at in horror as they were crushed, ripped. Ruined.

And the toy truck that Neal really wanted, the surprise of the present itself, the sound of the wailing of the siren suddenly filled the room and the lights flashed, peeking through the ripped wrapper and crushed box weakly. The room suddenly fell quiet as the sirens on the toy sputtered and died out with one last quiet beep.

It was chaos again as Neal, who had been contained by his father—just barely, ran towards the gift on the floor and pulled the toy out with a cry of delight. One that soon turned into a cry of horror as the front wheel fell from the toy and the rest soon fell apart in his hands, the pieces clattering on the floor one by one.

Regina was the first to start laughing. She just couldn’t help it. Laughter spilled out of her, uncontainable. It almost hurt and she looked around at the others, nobody else saying a word nor laughing as Neal too fell quiet.

Zelena started to cackle next to her and Regina turned to her, tears in her eyes, the laughter still coming hysterically. Robyn stopped fussing and began to laugh and clap along, looking up at her mother and aunt with wide, delightful eyes.

Ruby and Dorothy and then Henry started to laugh, the three of them trying and failing to stifle them as Snow White looked at all of them in absolute horror. Regina tried to stop when Granny started to slap the three of them on the back of their heads and was about to go for her.

“I’m sorry,” Regina said and she tried to stop, she really did, but it just kept coming out.

“Where did you buy that thing?” Zelena asked, cackling as Neal started to cry over his broken truck again. “A thrift shop?”

“Amazon.”

“From Santa, Mom, remember?” Henry whispered as he gave her a look, but then he started laughing along with them. “Ow!”

“Shame on all of you!” Granny said, her hand still raised after slapping Henry for the second time on the back of his head. “Laughing at this poor child whose hopes and dreams have been crushed.”

“Literally,” Ruby muttered and she flinched away from Granny almost immediately.

“That is not why I am laughing,” Regina said and she cleared her throat and pressed a hand to her abdomen. “This whole thing is absolutely ridiculous. All for a picture.”

Snow blinked and shook her head, mouth agape for a moment before she began to laugh. “You’re right,” she said and she took a sip of her wine. “It truly is ridiculous. All for a picture. A picture!”

Regina felt the magic in the air suddenly and she looked back at Gold. He gave her a small nod, a knowing look. Suddenly the two toddlers were quiet and the broken truck in pieces on the floor began to piece back together, one by one. The room fell quiet and Neal picked up the truck with a smile and walked back over to the couch. Snow picked him up and placed him on her lap, kissing the top of his blond curly hair.

“Now, shall we get on with it?” Gold asked. “I believe we have a ridiculous picture to take and a dinner we are all looking forward to eating, hmm?”

[X]

It had been an uneventful Christmas after dinner at the Charming’s and that disastrous moment that surrounded the picture of the family. It was a moment not forgotten as Snow sent the picture out to everyone three days later. Regina opened her email as she sat at her desk, picking away at a salad she’d brought for lunch.

It was as ridiculous as Regina knew it would be. She leaned forward towards the screen and started to chuckle lightly as she looked at everyone’s faces in the picture. The Charming’s, smiling brightly as if everything had just gone wrong minutes before, with Neal beaming down at his fixed truck that ended up being his favorite gift of them all. Henry, brooding, just a hint of a smile with his arm draped over Regina’s shoulder. Regina, with a similar look on her face and tears still in her eyes from laughing too hard. Beside her, Zelena and Robyn, the toddler reaching out for Regina’s hair and Zelena mid eye roll. Behind them, Dorothy and Ruby, not looking at the camera but at each other and Granny next to them smiling just as brightly as the Charming’s were and beside her, Gold and Belle, Gold with a stoic look on his face and Belle, rubbing her very pregnant belly with a small smile as she leaned into her husband.

The only one missing was Emma. And the lie she was telling, the secret she was keeping, it was beginning to hurt. It felt like a crushing ache because she had spent a year watching everyone grieve Emma Swan and she had spent Christmas hearing her mother talk about how much she wished she was still there with all of them where she was supposed to be, where she belonged.

 Regina closed the window with the picture as her phone rang. “Yes?”

“The sheriff is here to see you,” Marjorie said. “He’s a little early for the one o’clock meeting you have scheduled. Do you want me to have him wait out here?”

“No,” Regina sighed. “Send him in.”

She reached for the lid to her container as the door opened and she pressed it to the container of her untouched salad as she greeted the sheriff with a smile. “David,” she said and he smiled back before shutting the door behind him. “Take a seat.”

“Sorry, I know I’m early. Did you want to finish that?” David asked and he tentatively took a seat in the chair in front of her desk. “I don’t mind. I just came from lunch as well.”

“It’s fine, I’m not really that hungry anyway. Shall we get started?”

“Regina,” David said as he leaned forward. “Our meeting can wait a few minutes, can’t it?”

“I suppose so.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” he continued. He leaned back and sighed heavily. “I’m not sure how to say it.”

“Just spit it out,” Regina said tiredly. “Whatever it is you have to say, just say it.”

David chuckled and he pulled out his cell phone from his jacket pocket. He swiped at the screen and stared down at it for a moment. “Did you get Snow’s email?” he asked and he showed her the screen, which of course already had the picture as the background. “She wants to blow it up and hang it over the fireplace every year on—”

“That is what you came here early to talk to me about?” Regina asked incredulously. “You know I don’t mind a social visit now and then, but—”

“I think we made a mistake,” David said quietly as he put his phone back into his pocket. Regina looked at him curiously. “I think…I don’t think that it was Emma.”

“What?”

“The body they found,” David said, his voice cracking. “I don’t think it was Emma.”

“You were the one that saw—”

“I know,” he said roughly. “I know. Snow would’ve known better than me, but she couldn’t even go in that room. She barely made it through the doors, Regina. I don’t know how I managed, but when I saw her on the screen, I thought it might be her. It did look like her. A little bit.”

“How could it only look like her a little bit, David? You confirmed that it was Emma.”

“They only showed me a picture of her on a tablet. The body, it was so damaged from being in the water it was…I wasn’t allowed to actually go into the room where she was. Everything they could identify matched her description, and I just—I thought it was her. I really did.”

“And now you don’t think it was? That you made a mistake when you identified the body as hers?” Regina asked thickly. Her heart was racing, pounding hard against her chest, and she was starting to feel dizzy. The voice in the back of her head was screaming at her to give Emma’s secret up, but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. “David? Are you saying that you think Emma is still alive?”

“Yes.” David frowned as Regina tried to hide her shaking hands in her lap under the desk before he saw. He saw. “Snow thinks I’m crazy, of course, said I’m holding onto too much hope that maybe Emma is still alive, that she’s still out there somewhere. She told me I’m suddenly acting like this because we lost the baby.”

“Are you?”

“I’ve been struggling with this for a long time, Regina,” David said and he groaned in frustration. “I thought I was crazy too, at first, but then I spoke to Maleficent and she told me that she thought she saw Emma in London. London. What the hell would she be doing in London if she was still alive?” David stood up from the chair and started to pace the floor. “I know I’m on duty and it’s the middle of the day, but do you happen to have anything very strong to drink, Regina?”

“Help yourself. Same place as it always is,” she said as she motioned to the cabinet along the wall. “David—”

“It’s not possible, is it?” David continued and he walked over to the cabinet, taking out a glass before reaching for the crystal decanter on the second shelf. “There is no way that she can be alive, right? They found her body. A body, at least. Even the Boston Police Department determined that it was her. The coroner confirmed it was her.”

Regina felt sick. She could feel her stomach twisting in knots, but she said nothing. She knew she had to say something, though, because of this lie, this secret was going to chew her up and spit her out inside out.

David shook as he poured himself a rather hefty glass of scotch and placed the crystal decanter back on the shelf. He was still shaking as he sat down a moment later and stared at Regina, long and hard.

“You think I’m crazy too, don’t you?” he asked and he shook his head before taking one sip, then a second, before he exhaled sharply. “Or you believe me,” he said softly. “You do, don’t you, Regina?”

“No.”

“No, you don’t think I’m crazy or no you don’t believe me?”

“Gods, I can’t do this anymore,” Regina muttered under her breath. “No, I don’t think you’re crazy, David, because you’re right.”

She watched him down every last drop of scotch in the glass and he coughed a little as he lowered the glass slowly. He started to laugh then, shaking his head and he got up, walking back over to the cabinet to pour himself another drink.

“Maybe you’re just as crazy as I am, then,” he said, chuckling darkly as he turned to look over at her. “Or you really just said what I thought you did.” Another laugh and he walked over to the chair, not sitting, just standing there with one hand gripping the back. “Did you just say that I was right?”

“Yes.”

“Emma _is_ alive?”

“Yes, David,” Regina snapped and tears spilled from her eyes. “She’s alive.”

“But,” he said and he stared down at the drink in his hand, “how do you know that?”

“Sit down,” she said gently and she wiped her tears with her fingers before reaching for a tissue. She dabbed at her damp cheeks as David clumsily sat down in the chair. “Those ten days I was gone? In London and then Paris? I was with her.”

“The whole time?”

“Just about,” she said and she swallowed thickly as she stared at David, a million different emotions showing on his face as he sat there in disbelief. “David, I promised her that I wouldn’t—”

“Did you know?” David asked and anger was clearly the emotion he’d settled with. “Did you know she was there? That she was alive? Did you know _all this time_ , Regina?”

“All this time? No,” Regina laughed bitterly. “It was by pure chance, by luck or maybe even fate, that I ran into her in London shortly after I arrived there.”

“And?”

“And what, David? Do you want all the little details of those nearly ten days I spent with her? I promised her that I would not say a word and I’ve already said far too much.”

“Oh.”

That look on his face caused her stomach to drop. It was a knowing look and she feared just what he thought he knew as the words she’d said had said far more than they were meant to. Regina was quickly entering fight or flight mode and struggling, she was really struggling to keep her emotions under control. Her stomach continued to twist and turn and she placed a hand harder over her abdomen as she avoided David’s hard, piercing stare.

“I see,” David whispered. “Is—is she all right though? She’s okay? She’s well?”

“Yes.”

“And she’s in London?” Upon Regina’s small nod, he scoffed and lifted the glass but he didn’t take a sip. “She’s been there this whole time?”

“Yes, David.”

“Maleficent was right?”

“Unfortunately,” Regina laughed lightly. “David, I don’t think this is something we should be—Emma didn’t want me to say anything to anyone because she—she isn’t ready to come home yet. She’s not ready.”

“Why?”

“There are a hundred reasons why, but I am not going to tell you a single one of them. When she comes home, you can ask her. If she wants you to know, she will tell you, whether it’s one reason why, half of them or all of them. If she wants you to know, she will tell you.”

“She’s coming home?” David asked hopefully. “When?”

“I don’t know.”


	12. Chapter 12

JANUARY

David surprisingly kept secrets well, much unlike his other half.

After the holidays were over and life returned to its normalcy again, Belle had her baby, a little boy, Henry broke up with Violet, and Zelena started dating a man who had just moved to Storybrooke named Christopher who was twelve years younger and idiotically oblivious to the world around him.

It wasn’t that Regina didn’t like the man, he was charming enough, polite, and doted on Robyn and made her feel like a special little princess and that made Zelena happy. It wasn’t even the fact that he was barely twenty-five and had been one of the tourists from the summer that ended up staying in Storybrooke permanently. That meant he had a mediocre job working as a bartender at the Rabbit Hole and he’d been sleeping in his car until the third date when suddenly he was living in Zelena’s house and playing the role of a happy little house-husband.

The Charming’s were struggling to conceive as they tried again to get pregnant and it was talked about openly as if it were everyone else’s struggle too. David had changed, too, since that conversation in Regina’s office about Emma. He worked, a lot, so much that Regina had to endure daily whining from Snow about her husband always working overtime and that she should hire another deputy to help him with the long hours he spent at the station.

They never mentioned that conversation—or Emma—since and as much as she would’ve thought it’d be an odd sort of comfort knowing she wasn’t the only one with that secret, it wasn’t. It was torture, really.

The dreams she had now, the memories of her time with Emma back in December, had started to fade, small details blurring out of each dream until the dreams stopped almost completely.

It was a cold afternoon on a Tuesday near the end of the month when Regina concluded that Emma Swan was not coming home, at least not anytime soon, and she decided, after the other night of self-medicating with several bottles of wine and a blackout, she was going to try to move on with her life just as everyone else had done.

It was also the day she poured every last drop of alcohol in her office down the sink and then proceeded to do the same thing when she got home later that afternoon. Henry found her pouring the last of a sixteen-year scotch she hadn’t even _tried_ yet down the kitchen sink.

“What are you doing?” Henry asked. “Mom?”

“I’ve decided I’m going to stop drinking,” she stated simply. “It all needs to go.”

“Is this because of the other night?” Henry frowned. “Do you want any help?”

“Could you fetch the case from the cellar, please?”

Henry nodded and he walked out of the kitchen. Regina didn’t remember anything after that second bottle the other night, but Henry had been the one that found her passed out in the den and had practically carried her up to bed. She never wanted her son to see her in that state ever again. She was still embarrassed she had lost control and a grip on reality when she just kept drinking that night, unable to stop.

Regina was working on a bottle of rum she wasn’t sure just how it ended up in her liquor cabinet at all because she _hated_ rum and—oh, she frowned as she remembered where that bottle had come from as she watched the dark amber colored liquid run down into the drain. Emma had brought it over. Emma didn’t drink it either, but it wasn’t for her. It was for him, that useless one-hand wonder of a pirate that was still missing.

Not that anyone seemed to care anymore. Nobody went looking for him, not as they did with Emma, and nobody spoke of him, either.

“This seems like such a waste,” Henry said as he carried a case of merlot into the kitchen and placed it down on the counter near the growing collection of empty bottles. “Why don’t you just give it to Aunt Zee or someone else instead of pouring it down the drain?”

“Because this feels better, Henry. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Okay.”

“Is everything all right with you, dear?” Regina asked as she watched him use the corkscrew to open one of the bottles. “I know you’ve been…distraught since your breakup with Violent and I’ll admit, I’ve been a little worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” he said and he handed the bottle to her. “We’re still friends, Mom. It’s _fine_. I’m over it.”

“Are you?”

Henry smiled and pointed to his lips awkwardly. “See? Over it.”

“If you say so,” Regina said and she finished pouring the bottle of merlot down the drain and swallowed hard as she motioned for Henry to hand her another bottle. “It’s Tuesday.”

“It is,” Henry chuckled and he pulled the cork out of the bottle and handed it to her. He unscrewed the cork from the corkscrew and sighed. “I’m supposed to be babysitting, Neal, I know, but Grandma called and said she wasn’t feeling so great so she didn’t go to her little book club meeting tonight.”

“Did you eat dinner yet?”

“Nope. Not really that hungry though.”

“Me neither,” Regina sighed. She stopped mid-pour and placed the nearly empty bottle on the counter. “I could whip something up quickly if you change your mind.”

“Okay.”

The next ten minutes were that of silence as they worked together on the case of merlot Henry had brought up from the cellar. Once it was all gone, he helped her gather up the empty bottles, placing them in bags that he then took out to the garage while Regina put the kettle on to make herself a cup of tea and him a cup of hot cocoa.

Regina couldn’t remember the last time they just sat down like that, with a hot drink and the fire crackling nearby in the den. It was nice, though, just to spend time with her son, good, quiet, quality time with him. It came few and far in between these days and she knew as he got older, it would only become more and more of a regular occurrence.

“What if we went away for a week or two?” Regina asked and Henry, mid-grab for the remote to the TV, looked over at her in surprise. “Maybe we could go to New York, like you said, remember?”

“Yeah?”

Regina nodded and Henry smiled wide. “We can go in the spring,” she said. “You said it was best in the spring, didn’t you?”

“Well, I think so, anyway. It’s pretty, you know, with all the flowers and stuff just blooming,” he said with a nonchalant shrug. “No snow,” he added and they both laughed as they glanced out the window at the snow out on the ground that had fallen over the last few weeks. “We could drive down there.”

“That is a long drive, Henry.”

“We can take turns,” he said and he grabbed the remote. “It’ll be fun.”

“I suppose so,” Regina laughed and she turned her attention to the television as Henry turned it on. “Don’t stay up too late night, dear. You’re always cranky in the morning when you fall asleep down here.”

“I know, Mom,” he sighed. “I won’t. You heading to bed now?”

“Yes, I’m tired. I will see you in the morning, dear. Goodnight.”

“Night. Love you.”

“I love you too, Henry.”

It was another nearly sleepless night, restless, as Regina tossed and turned, the sheets either too hot or too _something_ that made it impossible to get comfortable. She gave up on sleep around four that morning, quietly getting ready for the day and already sitting down eating breakfast by the time Henry crawled out of bed just after six.

He ate his usual two bowls of Cheerios, downed a tall glass of orange juice, and then a cup of coffee Regina made for him upon request. Like most mornings, he was quiet, but Regina didn’t mind the quiet because it just gave her that precious half an hour she got to spend with her son. She made up his lunch while he ran upstairs to brush his teeth and to finish getting ready and she met him at the front door where he slipped on the leather jacket Emma had given to him for his birthday and took the paper bag from Regina as he gave her a kiss goodbye on the cheek.

It was snowing again by the time Regina made it to the town hall an hour later and she made her way to her office, narrowly missing her secretary in a disastrous collision on her way in.

“I’m so sorry, Madam Mayor,” she apologized quickly, fumbling the box of pastries she was carrying. “Granny delivered these. They’re still warm from the oven, too. Would you like one or should I just put this aside for later?”

Regina peered into the box as Marjorie opened it. Her eyes fell onto the bear claw that had been placed in the middle of the box and she frowned, shaking her head no before turning on her heels and walking into her office. She had barely taken off her coat and sat down behind her desk when a knock sounded on the open door.

“Madam Mayor?” Marjorie said tentatively. “I have a letter that was delivered this morning for you. I nearly forgot—”

“Bring it in now then, please,” Regina said tightly and the woman hurried into her office carrying a small white envelope. She handed it to her, smiled apologetically, and hurried back out to her desk without another word.

Immediately she recognized the handwriting on the envelope and her heart started racing hard and fast. She used her letter opener to slide through the envelope and pulled out the small post-it that was inside. She furrowed her brow as she stared down at the post-it and read the words that had been written on it.

_I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry._

“God damn you, Emma Swan,” Regina hissed under her breath as she crumpled up the post-it and held it tight in her fist. “Damn you, you _coward_.”


	13. Chapter 13

MARCH

There were signs of spring everywhere as the snow finally began to melt the third week of March. For the first time in a very long time, Regina saw hints of true happiness in Henry’s eyes, his excitement over their trip in a few weeks to New York City evident as it was all he talked about. That sadness in his eyes, it seemed to just disappear one day after Regina showed him the confirmation email from the hotel they’d be staying at in the city.

As usual, Regina kept busy, and she had a lot to keep her busy as the council she’d put together to handle the tourists were in the middle of a large project they were struggling to get finished before the tourist season started up again in a couple of months. Fourteen cabins were being built out in the woods, on land that was owned solely by the town. It was a costly project and a long one, too, as the construction had been delayed because of the insane amount of snow they’d gotten over the winter.

Things were changing, and not entirely in a good way. Life went on, as it had been going on for quite some time, but there was a lack of luster in the air. It hung there heavily, darkening each day, each moment. Family dinners were few and far in between now as Snow fell into a deep depression after finding out she was unable to have any more children late in February. David spent more hours working than he did at home and Henry was babysitting Neal almost every day after school while Snow laid in bed, cocooned in her little ball of sadness and despair.

Regina decided enough was enough and she invited everyone to dinner at her house that Sunday, determined to get Snow out of her rut and help her try to salvage whatever was left of her marriage with David. It was no secret they weren’t doing well anymore and everyone in that town knew things were rather rocky between them.

At least David still hadn’t spilled their secret. Regina had to hand it to him. It wasn’t an easy secret to keep, but it was one that was kept nonetheless.

“Where is she?” Regina demanded when she opened the door to find only David and Neal on the other side. “She refused, again, didn’t she?”

“Regina, she’s not well—”

“Bullshit,” Regina snapped. “She’s done nothing but make excuses and I am quite tired of it, David. Go on inside. I’ll go fetch your wife.”

Regina teleported into the Charming’s bedroom where she found Snow White curled up in a ball under what looked like half a dozen blankets on the bed. One by one she pulled them off, ignoring Snow’s protests and endless urging to leave her alone.

“Get out of that bed right this instant,” Regina scowled as Snow held onto the last blanket tightly, tugging it back out of Regina’s strong and firm grip. “No, this stops today, Snow White.”

“Leave me alone, please.”

“What the hell is your problem?”

“What’s yours?” Snow countered, tears in her eyes, face red. “Just leave me alone, Regina. Please. I’m begging you, just leave me alone.”

“No,” she said and she shook her head, trying for the blanket again. “You’ve spent the last month in this bed, refusing to leave. You have not been taking care of yourself or your family and everything is falling apart all around you, Snow. It’s falling apart and gods, you need to _fix_ it before it is too late!”

“Today was the day we were supposed to meet our daughter,” Snow whimpered and Regina stopped and let go of the blanket. “If she didn’t—if she—” Snow buried her face into her hands as she sobbed, the bed shaking under the force of it. “Today she was due to be born. Did you know that, Regina?”

“No,” she whispered as she fell down heavily on the bed beside Snow. “I didn’t know.”

“I was looking forward to meeting her. I—I _stupidly_ thought that we had another chance to have another daughter. I already lost one and then I had to go and lose another.”

“It’s hard, I know,” Regina said and she wasn’t sure what to do or how to comfort the distraught woman beside her. “I mean, I don’t obviously know what it feels like, but—”

“I need to tell you a secret,” Snow whispered and she looked at Regina with an indescribable emotion showing in her wide, tear-filled eyes. “I’m sick.”

“The flu has been going around, it is hardly a secret.”

“No, Regina. I’m sick. I’m dying.”

“What?” Regina blinked at her. No, it couldn’t be true. She let out a short laugh and shook her head. “You’re not dying, Snow. Your heart is broken and that is hardly—”

“When I found out that I couldn’t conceive, Dr. Whale ran some tests to figure out why. A lot of them. I thought at first that maybe it was because I just wasn’t meant to have another child, but it wasn’t that. I—” Snow sniffled and cried a little harder as Regina reached out to take a hand in hers. “It’s cancer,” she whispered, lips trembling just as hard as her hands were.

“Cancer,” Regina repeated, hating the way the word _tasted_ on her tongue. “Are you sure?” Upon Snow’s small nod, Regina exhaled sharply as the shock settled in. “You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

“I don’t know how.”

“Is this why you’ve been—”

“Yes.”

“Snow, you need to tell David. You can’t just hole up in your bed and not have your husband know you are up here dying.”

“Well, when you put it like that, Regina, it makes it so much easier to tell him,” Snow scoffed, the sarcasm dripping off of her heavily. “I am going to tell him, I just don’t know when. He’s never home anymore.”

“I know.”

“Regina, can you please just…keep this a secret until I’m ready to tell him?”

More secrets. Regina could barely deal with the way Emma’s secret chewed and gnawed its way through her each and every day and now she’d have to deal with this one as well?

“How long did Dr. Whale tell you that you have left?” Regina asked. “Snow?”

“A couple of months, at most. If I am lucky.”

“And there isn’t any kind of treatments that you can do to fix this? To stop this? To, I don’t know, cure you?”

“No. There isn’t.”

“There isn’t or there is and you are refusing to do it?”

“Both.”

Regina rolled her eyes incredulously at her and yet held onto her hand just a little bit tighter. “If there’s a chance that you can fix this, Snow, why aren’t you taking it? Don’t you want to live? If not for yourself, but for Neal? For David?”

“Oh, Regina, I _do_ want to live,” Snow whispered and she sounded small, so small. So afraid. So very afraid. “It’s pointless. The cancer, Dr. Whale said it is everywhere. Any treatment I do, it would just give me a little bit longer, but it won’t take it away. It won’t cure me. I’m already so tired, Regina. I’m so tired and everything hurts all the time. I just—I want it to be over. That’s all. I have lived and I am just so tired. I don’t know how much longer I can fight to stay alive, even if I wanted to.”

“I’m sorry, Snow,” Regina whispered tearfully. “Come,” she said as she helped Snow slide near the edge of the bed. “Get dressed. Come to dinner with your family. Spend time with us before you don’t have the chance to anymore. Please?”

“You won’t say anything?”

“Your secret is safe with me, Snow. I promise.”

[X]

The following morning, Regina was in Dr. Whale’s office, threatening him, his job, his _life_ if he didn’t answer the host of questions she fired at him one after the other. He told her he couldn’t discuss another patient with her, no matter who it was, and he tried to have her escorted out of his office by the hospital’s security guard not even ten minutes after she’d stormed in there.

“Please,” she said desperately as the security guard stood by the door, waiting for her to come with him without any hesitation. “There has to be _something_ you can do for her, Whale. There has to be some kind of treatment, medicine what have you that—”

“She’s terminal,” Dr. Whale sighed heavily and he waved off the security guard before he walked over to the door and shut it. “Even if there was a treatment I could give her, Regina, it wouldn’t do much, if anything at all. She made her choice. She didn’t even want to try anything. You should do your best to try to respect that.”

“What can we do?”

“I’ve discussed the options with her already, Regina.”

“What options are those?”

Dr. Whale sighed and ran his hand over his bleach-blonde hair. “Hospice care. Medicine to help with the pain. She refused,” he said and he frowned as he placed a hand on Regina’s tense shoulder. “As I said, we need to respect her decision.”

“That’s it?”

“All I can tell you, Regina, is that all we can do is try as best as we can to make the last days of her life as enjoyable as is possible. She’ll want to be surrounded by her family, by love, not anger or hate. That poor woman has been through enough as it is, don’t you think? Now,” he said as he reached for the door and opened it. “I’m terribly busy, Regina, and I have other patients that need to be seen this morning. If you have any further questions, I’ll do my best to answer them if I can.”

Regina went from the hospital straight to the Charming’s house, not even bothering to knock before she walked in the front door and headed straight up the stairs to the bedroom where she found Snow laying in bed with Neal beside her and a book open in her lap as she read to him quietly.

“Oh, hello, Regina,” Snow said with a small, tired smile. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Sorry for the sudden intrusion, but I—” she faltered as she looked down at Neal as he leaned against his mother, his eyes drooping sleepily. “I’ll go,” she said and she backed out of the doorway. “I’m sorry.”

“Regina?” Snow called out. “Can you?” she asked as she motioned down at Neal. “He was up most of the night and I can’t—I don’t really have the strength to put him in his bed right now.”

“Of course.”

Regina gently picked the heavy toddler up and carried him across the hall into his room. He barely stirred as she put him into his bed and covered him with the soft knitted blanket she found there in his little bed. She watched him for a couple of minutes, watching how peaceful the normally overly-hyper child looked as he slept soundly in his bed. His hair was longer now, curlier too, maybe even lighter than it’d ever been, and she dipped her head down to drop a kiss to his forehead, taking just a moment to linger as she inhaled deeply.

“Sleep well, little prince,” she whispered.

Regina left the door open and went back to check in on Snow across the hall. Snow was just sitting up in bed, pillows propped up behind her, and was gazing out the window as the sun shone brightly outside.

“How are you feeling today?” Regina asked. “Is it all right if I come in for a moment?”

“Yes, of course.” Snow smiled at her, despite how tired she looked. “I feel a little better than last night. That’s something, isn’t it?”

“A good meal in your stomach will do that,” Regina said sadly and she smiled, too, but it felt too forced and she almost immediately frowned. “I spoke with Whale.”

“Regina—”

“I wanted answers,” she continued and she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “I feel…helpless, _useless_ , and I don’t know what to do with myself knowing that there is nothing anyone can do.”

“What about magic?” The hope in Snow’s voice utterly broke her heart. “Isn’t there any kind of magic that can just…make this go away?”

“Not with any magic that I know about,” she whispered. She reached for Snow’s hand and stifled back a sob. “I’m sorry.”

“Regina, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay, Snow. It’s not!” Regina was getting angry again and she was tired of holding it back. “You’re dying.”

“It’s okay,” Snow repeated in the same whisper as before. “Regina?”

“Yes?”

“It’s not a secret anymore. I told David this morning.”

Regina looked down at her in surprise. “You did? Where is he now?”

“Fishing, I think,” Snow said with a small laugh. “I told him and he didn’t say a word. Not one. He left, but not after he came back for his socks that he always takes with him when he goes fishing.”

Regina laughed too, because it all seemed so fitting, really, that it was playing out the way it was, that their lives had changed in a way that seemed so unbelievable that none of it felt real.

“When are you and Henry going on your trip to New York?”

“Snow, don’t change the conversation now.”

“Why not?” she asked and she was getting angry now, too. Regina could feel it in the way Snow tightened the grip on her hand. “Isn’t that something we would’ve normally talked about, Regina? I probably would’ve text you asking you that very question this morning.”

“Snow—”

“I heard Henry talking about it the other day when he was here watching Neal for me,” she laughed lightly. “He’s really excited, Regina. You’re going in a couple of weeks, aren’t you?”

“Yes, we’re leaving on the fourth,” she sighed dejectedly and she looked down at the hand that held one of Snow’s. “Now isn’t the greatest time to tell you that we’re going to miss Easter, is it?”

“I don’t think I’m feeling up to hosting the family Easter dinner this year.”

“No, I suppose you’re not,” Regina murmured softly. “I didn’t realize until after I made the arrangements.”

“Because of Easter? A holiday we don’t normally celebrate anyway?” Snow quipped and then her face fell a little. “Or because you know I am—”

“Both, the latter, mostly.”

“Don’t worry about me.” Snow shook her head and patted Regina’s hand in a way that was supposed to be reassuring and was quite the opposite. “I got a couple of good weeks left, hopefully. I can’t wait to hear all about your trip when you guys get home!”

The heavy feeling in her heart was different than the other times she’d felt it, but it was there and it was tearing her apart, piece by piece, inch by inch. It was this incredible and overwhelming sense of sadness and helplessness that just settled in completely.

Regina stayed with Snow all morning. She stayed even after Snow fell asleep early in the afternoon and she looked after Neal as he was up from his nap, ready and raring to go as he always was. She stayed all afternoon, busying herself with doing some laundry and cleaning up while keeping a strict eye on the hyperactive toddler who was intent on destroying everything in that house while keeping his dying mother from getting a few hours of quiet to sleep.

She stayed even when Henry stopped by just before dinner-time, wondering why she hadn’t been answering his texts. As soon as he saw the state she was in as she had attempted—and failed—to give Neal a bath and was chasing the naked toddler around the house, he understood and joined in the chase. Then there was the ultimate struggle of getting Neal dressed in his pajamas before he could escape from the house and run naked down the street.

It wouldn’t be the first time something like that had happened, not with the littlest Charming involved, at least.

“Was it ever this hard with me, Mom?” Henry asked as she held Neal while he pulled the pajama top over his head. “Really, kid?” Henry stuck his tongue back out at him. “Mom, there has to be an easier way to do this.”

“I’m not using magic on a toddler, Henry.”

“Mom!” Henry cried out as he pulled his hand away from Neal quickly. “He just _bit_ me!”

“Neal Patrick Nolan Charming!” Regina said sternly, using what Henry called ‘Mom-voice’ and Neal immediately froze, eyes wide as he stared up at her. “Apologize to Henry. We don’t go around biting people, sweetheart, it’s wrong.”

“Sorry,” Neal muttered quietly.

“Now, hold still, please,” she said as she pulled him up to his feet on the dining room table. “Henry, grab his pants. I think they’re still on the stairs where he threw them.”

“Mom, someone is at the door!” Henry called out and he ran back into the dining room. “Do I answer it?”

“Yes, go see who it is and I’m going to—Neal!” Regina yelled as the pant-less toddler slipped from her hands and off the table. “Get back here right this instant, young man!”

“Mom!”

Regina groaned as Henry called out for her again and she chased after Neal into the kitchen. Of all the times she’d sworn she’d never use her magic on a child, especially not a toddler, she wanted to take it back just for once because she was reaching the end of her patience completely.

“Mom!” Henry called out again and this time his voice sounded different. It caused Regina to stop in her tracks as she tried to corner Neal into the corner by the kitchen door. “Mom?”

Regina turned to look at Henry as he walked into the kitchen. His face was white and he looked like he had seen a ghost. Regina used the distraction quickly and scooped up the toddler then took the pants that Henry held in one hand that hung loosely at his side.

Emma walked in then, her hair short and blonde again. “Hi,” she whispered and she smiled. She just smiled and Regina could only stand there, dumbfounded at the very sight of her. Much like she had the first time she’d seen her all those months ago.

“Mom’s…home.” Henry was trembling, his voice cracking with raw emotion. “She’s uh, back.”

“This is a bad time,” Emma laughed nervously and she took a step towards Henry but he immediately moved away towards Regina. “I missed you, kid. You got tall.” Regina saw Henry’s jaw tighten and his eyes fill with tears. But he was angry. She could see that. Emma could too, as she took a step back and whispered, “sorry.”

Regina could not take her eyes off of her. It had been months since she’d seen her last and she looked so different. She looked _good_ , healthy with her skin tanned and her eyes as bright as Regina had ever seen them before.

“Isn’t anyone going to say anything?” Emma asked. “Hey Neal,” she said to her baby brother and for once the toddler had been silent since the moment that Emma had walked in the room. “Okay. Uh, maybe we should all sit down and talk? Are my parent’s home? Granny told me they were living here now and uh, well, that’s how I found you guys here.”

“Your mother is upstairs in bed,” Regina said, each word falling flat. “Your father went fishing, apparently. I don’t know. He’s not here.”

“Henry?” Emma tried as she looked at him with a desperation in her eyes, pleading for him to just look at her, talk to her. “Kid? I know you are mad at me right now, but—”

“Mad? I’m pissed!” Henry shouted and it started Regina as much as it started her. “Do you know that I spent the last year believing that you were dead? Did you know that? Huh? Do you know what that’s been like for me? Do you?!”

“Henry,” Regina said as she tried to reach out for him. “Please, calm down.”

“And you,” Henry said incredulously as he took a step back. “How are you so calm right now, Mom? What the hell is wrong with you? She’s supposed to be dead!”

The room fell silent then and Regina wasn’t sure who was going to run out first, she just knew it’d be one of them. Henry stormed out after he stood there shaking and he yelled as he ran out the front door, slamming it hard behind him.

“Should I—”

“Let him go,” Regina said softly. “He needs a little bit of time to cool off.”

“Okay.”

Regina put Neal down on the floor then and helped him with his pants. “I need you to go and play now, okay? Just go out and play with your truck in the living room for a little while, Neal, please?”

“Okay, Gina,” he whispered and he timidly walked past Emma and out to the living room.

“He got big, too, didn’t he?”

Regina turned to look at Emma and, much like before, she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to kill her or kiss her. “You have got some impeccable timing, Emma,” she said tightly and she pinched the bridge of her nose when she heard Snow’s voice calling her name. “I’ll be right back.”

Emma, of course, followed her upstairs but stayed out in the hallway as Regina walked into the bedroom to find Snow struggling to get out of bed being all tangled up in her sheets.

“What is going on?” Snow asked. “Who is here? What is with all the shouting and the slamming?”

“Come on, let’s get you back into bed, Snow,” Regina said distantly, helping her back to the middle of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Regina, what the hell is going on?”

Regina looked up at the doorway expectantly. Emma stepped into view a few moments later and Snow grabbed onto Regina’s arm hard. It was deadly silent in the room and emotions were flying instantly. Emma took a tentative step into the room, hands in the pockets of her jeans and a small, awkward smile curling over her lips.

“Hi, Mom.”

[X]

Regina sat in the living room for nearly two hours after she left Snow and Emma to talk alone upstairs. Neal hadn’t said a word, either, as he played quietly on the floor by the window with his favorite toy truck. Regina flipped her phone over and over and over in her hands as she waited expectantly for Henry to call or text her back.

Her phone was going off, though, much as it had been for the last two hours. Texts came pouring in, first from Zelena, then Granny, then Ruby. Zelena probably sent a dozen texts that went unanswered before she started calling. Regina declined those calls every single time.

They wanted to know what was going on. Was Emma back? Granny told Ruby, who then told Zelena, but nobody believed it was true and thought Granny had been mistaken, that there was no possible way that Emma could’ve just shown up at the diner asking where she could find her family.

“Jesus, Zelena,” Regina gasped when Zelena suddenly popped up beside her on the couch. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Why are you ignoring me?” Zelena demanded. “What the bloody hell is going on, Regina? Is it true?” Zelena grabbed Regina’s phone from her hand as it started to ring, Granny’s name appearing on the screen. “Why are you ignoring me? Why are you ignoring everyone else too apparently?”

“Emma came home.”

“That’s the rumor, sis, but come on!” Zelena groaned as she shoved Regina’s phone back into her hand. “You know as well as I do that Emma is dead! How the hell could she possibly have come home if she’s dead?”

“Hello, Zelena. Whoa!” Emma said, deflecting quickly the burst of magic Zelena immediately zapped her way. “Whoa, stop. It’s okay!”

“What the bloody hell is that?” Zelena asked, a hand raised, ready to fire another. “Is that some kind of demon? A copy? A—”

“It’s me,” Emma said, holding her hands up in defense as she inched her way into the living room. “It’s just me, Zelena. Emma Swan. Savior. Idiot Charming.”

“Regina,” Zelena said distractedly. “I’m hallucinating, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not hallucinating, Zelena.”

“Emma Swan is standing right here in this room with us, isn’t she?”

“Yes,” Regina said quietly. “She is. She’s right there. I promise you, she is not a hallucination, a demon, a copy, or whatever else you are thinking right now.”

“Quick, tell me something Emma Swan would only know,” Zelena said and she slowly lowered her hand, dropping her defenses. “Clock is ticking, whoever you are, you impostor!”

“Uh,” Emma stuttered and awkwardly shrugged. “I don’t know, um, what about that one time we drank that bottle of gin together and you told me that—”

“You promised you would never utter a word about that!” Zelena yelled, panicking as she started to laugh and shake her head. “Don’t say a word, Idiot Charming.”

“Not a peep,” Emma said with a wink. “I never break a promise.”

Zelena sat down on the couch and sighed heavily. “I need to sit down,” she said and then laughed when she realized she already was. “Okay. Okay,” she said quickly and nodded before pointing at Regina and then at Emma. “Okay. Someone really needs to tell me what the hell is going on right now before I lose my bloody mind here.”

Emma told Zelena the same story she had told her mother as it was the same story she had told Regina months earlier. Emma had done some heavy editing with her story, with her mother and with Zelena, both times leaving out the part where Regina had found her back in December. She didn’t really go into much detail with Zelena, not as she had with her mother when she tried to explain _why_. Zelena didn’t push her, either, and simply seemed to accept the story she was given, but only just.

Three hours after Emma had shown up in Storybrooke out of nowhere, Regina’s phone lit up with a text from Henry.

**_Is it really her?_ **

**_Yes. It’s really her._ **

**_Come back, Henry._ **

**_Please?_ **

**_I can’t. I’m not ready to yet._ **

She couldn’t blame him. She knew he wasn’t. It didn’t stop her from worrying about him, especially being in the state of mind he was now in. She called him phone after his last text, but it went straight to his voicemail. Before she could teleport herself out of there to find him, Zelena stopped her, showing her the screen of her phone.

“He asked me to ask you to leave him alone for a little while,” she said. “He just wants to be left alone right now.”

“I’m worried about him.”

“I know you are,” Zelena said and she just stared at Emma who had been standing by the window and waiting expectantly for Henry to come walking back up to the front door. “He’ll be all right, Regina. He just needs a little bit of time. I think we all do. This is a lot to process. I do have to say,” she said and she nudged at Regina. Regina turned to look at her, unaware that she had started to stare at Emma again. “You’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would. Are you all right?”

“Regina knew,” Emma said quietly from her spot by the window. “She found me in London a couple of months ago.”

“You knew?” Zelena asked incredulously. “You knew all this time!”

“Hey,” Emma said as she walked towards them. “Don’t yell at her, Zelena. She didn’t say anything because I asked her not to!”

“More secrets and lies! What else aren’t you telling me, Emma Swan?”

“I don’t _have_ to tell you anything, Zelena. I don’t even understand why you are here!” Now Emma was angry and Regina put herself between the two of them before things could escalate even further. “I really picked a bad time to come home, didn’t I, Regina?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe I should just go.”

“Yes, go!” Zelena spat at her and Regina had to push her away. “Go, run away again! This time I won’t mourn your fake death for months and months because you, you have put us all through so much heartbreak that I could never live through it again.”

“I’m not—god, Zelena,” Emma scoffed. “I’m not running away again. I’m just going to go. Give everyone their space. I’m going to get a room at Granny’s, so, if you need to find me, you know where I’ll be.”

Regina stood there and watched Emma walk out of the house, wondering if she could trust that Emma wasn’t just going to run. Again. She had to. She needed to. Emma was home and as angry as she was at her for everything, she was so relieved.

“Why must you make this about you, Zelena?” Regina asked. “You always do that, don’t you? Make every situation about you when it has nothing to do with you.”

“She’s family, Regina,” Zelena said quietly, the anger in her voice dissipating. “And I love every single one of the idiots that are a part of my family, including her. So yes, I am making this about me because it has everything to do with me, just as it does for you. You,” Zelena chuckled lowly. “I cannot believe you _knew_ she was alive and you didn’t even tell me!”

“I promised her that I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Well, now that the cat is out of the bag, Regina, why don’t you tell me what really happened during your trip, hmm?” Zelena asked darkly and she cackled as Regina immediately shook her head no. And Regina knew. Zelena wasn’t as dense as some liked to believe she was, Regina included. “You spent the entire week with Emma Swan. In London and then in Paris. What happened between you two, Regina?”

_We fell in love all over again, but it felt like it was truly happening for the first time._

_It felt like it could’ve been a fresh start, but it wasn’t. Not quite._

_She broke my heart when she told me she wasn’t brave enough to come home yet._

_And now, despite everything, I am falling back in love with her all over again._

“It’s a long story,” Regina said and she sat down on the couch beside her sister. “I’ll spare you the details, of course, because that is a line I am not willing to cross with my own sister. Or anyone else, for that matter, as some things should just be kept private.”

“The Evil Queen and the Savior, at long last in love, who would’ve thought?”

“Former,” Regina reminded her and Zelena just laughed. “Former Evil Queen, sis.”


	14. Chapter 14

APRIL

The trip to New York was postponed with Emma returning home and it hadn’t been her idea, but Henry’s. It took him three days before he was ready to face his mother, his mother he had spent over a year believing was dead and gone. Once he came around, once Emma explained everything to him as best as she could in ways he could understand, it was almost as if he went back to being his old self again.

Not completely, but close enough, it seemed.

Emma’s daughter, now a year old, hadn’t met the family yet. It was still part of Emma’s secret that she hadn’t told anyone but Regina about yet. Granny knew, though, how could she not when Emma was staying at the inn? Regina knew that Granny knew and the woman hadn’t uttered a word to anyone, likely not knowing what to say exactly.

Just shy a week after Emma came home to Storybrooke, Regina met her daughter for the very first time. Emma had shown up at the house early, it was a Wednesday and Henry had already left for school as he was tutoring a handful of younger students every Wednesday before the bell. Regina hadn’t been expecting her at all, so it was impossible to hide her surprise when Emma knocked on the front door that morning with her daughter in her arms.

“Hello,” Regina said, startled as she braced herself against the edge of the door frame.

“Morning, Regina,” Emma said brightly. “There is someone I’d like you to meet,” she said as she nuzzled her nose into the baby’s dark curly hair. “This is Hope.”

Regina was frozen in place as she looked at the baby in Emma’s arms. She looked so much like Emma and at the same time, she looked so much like _him_ , too. A small smile twitched at her lips as she stepped aside to let Emma walk in the house.

“Hello, Hope,” she said quietly before she shut the door behind them. “Emma, it’s been—”

“Almost a week, I know, but I wasn’t ready yet. This? Hope? This is uh, a much bigger surprise, don’t you think?”

“Yes.”

“How long has my mother been sick?”

“She didn’t tell you?” Regina asked and she froze again when Emma tried to hand the baby over to her so that she could take off her jacket. “Since February, I think. I’m not certain, really. It’s when she found out, that’s all I know.”

“Can you hold for her a second?” Emma asked and Regina tensed as Emma tried again to hand the baby to her. “Please. Just for a second. It’s getting warm outside and this jacket is too hot.”

Regina took the baby from her then and awkwardly held her, not quite holding her close as the baby started to squirm and fuss and reach out for her mother. She immediately handed the baby back as soon as Emma had her jacket off.

“You hate her, don’t you?”

“She is a baby, I don’t hate her. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“It’s because she’s his too, isn’t it?” Emma asked. “I know how you feel. I felt like that at first, too.”

“And now?”

“She’s just mine. I can’t imagine my life without her now. She’s my whole world.”

“Would you like something to drink? I believe the coffee should’ve finished brewing by now if you’d like a cup,” Regina offered before she turned to walk to the kitchen before Emma answered her. “I don’t know why, but I chose to roast the beans I picked up in Paris this morning instead of my usual brew. There isn’t much left as it’s been quite a while since that trip.”

“Is Henry home?” Emma asked as she followed Regina into the kitchen. “He still sleeping or something? It’s pretty early, after all.”

“Did you see his car out in the driveway?” Regina asked dryly as she grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. “He tutors on Wednesday mornings. He left not even fifteen minutes ago, actually. And no,” she said as she poured the freshly brewed coffee into one mug and then into the other. “I don’t know when he’ll be home later.”

“Okay.”

Regina prepared her coffee with just a splash of milk and a drizzle of sugar to cut a bit of the strong bitterness out. She motioned for Emma to make her own and frowned when Emma tried to hand the baby to her again.

“Emma—”

“Two sugars, one milk,” Emma sighed as she shifted the baby in her arms a little more comfortably. “Why don’t you want to hold her?”

“It’s not that I don’t—I can’t—”

“Right,” Emma laughed bitterly. “Guess I should’ve expected that huh?”

“Expected what, exactly?”

“For you to reject her like this,” she said sadly. “Is Henry going to act like this too when he meets her, Regina?”

“I don’t know.”

“My parents were surprised, floored actually,” Emma said and she tried to pour the milk, juggling the carton awkwardly with one hand before Regina took it from her and poured a little bit in the mug. “Mom was up almost all night just sitting with her. Dad, he uh, he was acting a lot like you are now but he was won over after a little while. I think. I stayed there last night. At their house. I kind of didn’t have a choice when Mom demanded that I leave Hope with her in her room.”

“Two sugars, you said?” Regina asked distractedly as she spooned out a teaspoon from the little jar. Emma nodded and she scooped another into the mug, stirring it before she slid it across the counter towards her. “You can’t blame your mother for wanting to spend time with her,” she said quietly. “She’s uh, she—”

“She’s getting worse,” Emma finished. “I know.”

“Why are you here, Emma?”

“I wanted you to meet Hope. I thought you’d want to meet her before I told everyone else about her.”

“No,” Regina sighed. “Why are you back here? Why now?”

Emma shook her head before she picked up her mug. “I tied up all my loose ends, the ones I had in that life, anyway,” she said after a moment. “And I decided that it was time for me to learn how to be brave no matter how scared I was. It took me a little longer than I expected it to. I tried to come back for Christmas, but that didn’t end up happening. I’m sorry, Regina.”

“Don’t apologize to me. What are you even apologizing for?”

“Everything?” Emma frowned when Regina didn’t react at all. “I truly am sorry, Regina.”

“I never said that I didn’t believe you the last dozen times you’ve said it.”

“You still haven’t forgiven me, have you?”

“No!” Regina tried to stay calm, tried to keep from raising her voice in front of the baby who hadn’t stopped _staring_ at her in the last couple of minutes. “I don’t forgive you. I don’t know if I ever will be able to.”

“Why not, Regina?”

“Because you don’t deserve forgiveness for what you put us all through, Emma Swan.” Regina was trembling and she knew that look, she’d seen it too many times to count, and she just stood there and watched Emma walk out of her kitchen with tears in her eyes. “Run, Emma. Run away again! Coward!”

And Emma was right back in the kitchen seconds later, fuming. “I am not running away!” Emma yelled at her and that caused the baby to start crying. “Tell me something, Regina, what did that week we had together mean to you? Was it just a one-off? A fantasy, even? What was it? What did it _mean_ to you?”

“Everything, Emma. It meant everything to me,” she whispered.

“For me too,” Emma breathed out softly as she tried to sooth the crying baby in her arms. “It meant everything to me, too, Regina.”

Had there not been a baby in Emma’s arms in that very moment, Regina was sure she would’ve kissed her senseless then, but she didn’t. She didn’t move from where she stood and Emma just waited for a moment before she turned and left.

[X]

It was two days before anyone saw Emma again, though they all knew she was still there because the only one she spoke to was Henry. News spread through the town quickly, just as the news of Emma’s return had a week earlier, and people were gossiping about the Savior and her secret child, some even going as far as speculating that the child didn’t even belong to the pirate at all. With gossip came wild rumors, of affairs with strange men and with some that lived there in town.  It was impossible to go even just a few hours without hearing a whisper or two about Emma and the baby, and it drove Regina absolutely crazy.

Henry, surprisingly, hadn’t taken the news about his surprise half-sister the way that was expected. He was actually _thrilled_ to learn that he was a big brother and Regina had to sit through that excitement of his over dinner after he’d spent the afternoon at the inn with his other mother and the baby.

“I think she kind of looks like Neal did when he was that little, don’t you?” Henry asked and Regina hummed as she rinsed the soap off the plate and handed it to him to dry. “Mom?”

“What is it, Henry?”

“You don’t like Hope that much, do you?”

“I don’t know her.”

“She’s a baby, what is there to know? She likes to eat and sleep and poop,” he chuckled lightly. “You know, the way babies do.”

“Henry, can you pass me that pan, please?”

“Mom,” Henry said gently and she turned only when he put a hand on her tense shoulder. “Why don’t you go over there to see them?”

“I saw Emma just the other day.”

“I know. She told me that too. Said you guys had a fight or whatever. She told me it was because you didn’t want to hold Hope.”

That was a lie, a nicely sugarcoated one too, but a lie. She wasn’t about to tell her son the truth, though. He was old enough to understand but not fully, not really.

“I’m still getting used to the idea of her, of Hope,” Regina said, quickly trying to clarify things, trying to find some semblance of a reason that would be good enough that he would drop it completely. “Now can you please hand me that pan?”

They finished the dishes in silence, Henry thankfully dropping the conversation for the time being. He left shortly after for his Friday night shift at the diner and promised Regina he would be as quiet as a mouse when he got in later. They both knew, just as Regina had done every Friday night since he started working there, that she’d be up and waiting for him as always was every time.

Regina had only just put the kettle on for a cup of tea, customary for her now that she’d stopped drinking, when she heard the front door open. Knowing it was Henry as he must’ve forgotten his phone again, she grabbed a teabag out of the little metal tin, dropping into the teacup as she waited for the kettle to boil.

“Henry?” she called out when she didn’t hear the door open and slam shut again a few minutes later. “Henry, did you forget something, dear?”

“Not Henry,” Emma said as she appeared in the doorway and this time, she did not have a baby nestled in her arms. “Hi.”

Emma didn’t even wait for Regina to say a word, she just closed the distance between them quickly and captured Regina’s lips in a desperate kiss that left them both breathless. It left Regina feeling dizzy with want and need, too, and she grabbed the front of Emma’s stupid plain white t-shirt and pulled her in for another kiss, the desperation thundering through them intoxicatingly so.

Regina moaned, her hands burying their way into Emma’s short hair and she growled, suddenly deciding that she hated Emma’s hair so short because she’d loved the way it had felt tangling endlessly in her fingers before. Emma moaned, backing her up into the edge of the countertop a little too hard and she gasped out in pain and surprise as she pulled Emma forcibly back from her lips.

“Emma—”

“Please,” Emma begged gently, smoothing her fingers over the spot on Regina’s back that had collided with the edge of the countertop. “Please, Regina, just kiss me.”

How could she not comply, how could she not just give in and kiss Emma senseless? She had missed her, gods she had missed _this_ and after months of wanting, yearning, dreaming, she was finally there. Right there.

“I’m still angry with you. At you. Whatever.” Flustered, she glared at Emma and hated that Emma just looked back at her with nothing but love in her eyes. “I’m still so angry.”

“I know,” Emma whispered against her lips, kissing her once again, but sighed as Regina pushed her back. “You’re allowed to be angry still, Regina.”

“And when I’m angry at you a year from now still? Will that still be okay with you?”

“Well, I would hope that by then I would’ve figured out how to earn your forgiveness,” Emma laughed lightly, the mood between them shifting. It was always shifting. “But,” she said and she pressed her forehead against Regina’s as her eyes fluttered shut. “However long it takes, Regina, I won’t give up and I won’t stop until you forgive me. I just ask of you one thing. Just one.”

“What is that?” Regina wasn’t sure she’d said it at all, she barely could hear her own voice over the thunderous roar of her racing heart.

“Will you still love me anyway?”

Emma’s eyes were searching, the hope so desperate inside of them that it was impossible to find the right words to say. Her head was screaming one thing, to say no, and her heart was telling her another—give in, let go, fall in love over and over again.

“Maybe.”

Emma laughed. “Maybe?” Another laugh and Regina swallowed, the tears that were burning in her eyes falling, sliding down her cheeks hotly as Emma gently began to kiss each one of them away. “Maybe, Regina? I’ll take a maybe. It’s a lot better than a no.”

“Emma.” A warning, kind of, and then she couldn’t help but fall apart completely, smiling in spite of herself and her resolve. She was kidding no one when it came to having resolve around Emma. Especially when Emma was looking at her like she was, just at that moment, her whole world. Her everything. “This is going to hurt, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“Us.”

Emma frowned. “I hope not,” she whispered shakily. “There has been already been enough of that going around, hasn’t there?”

“Yes,” Regina chuckled nervously. “Far too much of it, if you ask me.”

“I want to promise you something that I should’ve promised you a very long time ago,” Emma said and she exhaled sharply, and Regina could feel how nervous she was as she struggled to say the words. “I promise you that I will never hurt you.”

“How can you promise me that, Emma when you already hurt me before?”

“Hey, have I ever made a promise I didn’t intend to keep?” Emma asked expectantly and Regina laughed. “See? You know you can trust me. I promise you, Regina. I’ll never hurt you again and I will never, at least not intentionally, ever break your heart again.”

“If you do, I will end you.”

“I know.”

“I’ll make your parents put the real ashes once I’ve cremated you myself and had them put them inside that god-awful ugly urn, too, where you’ll spend eternity—”

“I don’t doubt it,” Emma laughed and she cupped Regina’s face gently with both hands. “I love you, Regina. I think I have always loved you even when I tried not to.  I don’t know what I was thinking, you know?” Emma laughed again and Regina, feigning annoyance, jabbed a finger into the center of her chest. “I’m an idiot.”

“Yes, you are.”

“But I’m your idiot?”

_Mine._

“Always.”

[X]

The house was quiet and Regina lay there beside her, the sheets half on the bed, half crumpled haphazardly around them. She listened to the sound of Emma’s breathing, each breath in and each breath out, and she just couldn’t take her eyes off of her. She hadn’t been able to since they had somehow managed to make their way from the kitchen to the bedroom without tripping over the clothes they couldn’t get off of one another fast enough.

The first hour had been such a blur, a deliciously pleasurable one at that. It had been hard, it had been fast, a little dirty too as they pushed each other’s boundaries little by little, leaving their comfort zones only briefly before succumbing to one another completely.

The second hour felt like days, almost, as they made love, each touch tender, each kiss lingering. The hunger just grew between them, hungry for each other, never seeming to quite get enough before they were craving more. Even now, as it grew later, and their bodies were growing exhausted, they still touched one another, fingers lightly lingering over soft, warm skin.

“Who is watching the baby?” Regina asked, it just now only occurring to her that Emma had shown up at the house without her daughter.

“Granny insisted,” Emma replied with a small shrug and she turned on her side, smiling as she let her index finger trace over the outer rim of Regina’s navel, leaving goosebumps fluttering over her skin suddenly. “She was pretty insistent that it was okay if I didn’t come back for her until the morning, too.”

“Oh, was she?”

“Yep.”

Regina sucked in a deep breath as Emma’s fingers danced along the skin below her navel, moving lower as her body reacted to the light touch. “Why would she say that?” Regina asked and Emma tried to look clueless as if she didn’t know, but her laugh gave her away. “What does she know?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know what I want to think right now, Emma.”

“Go get your woman,” Emma said as she did a poor imitation of Granny, the stern look included. “Told me not to come back until I did what I needed to do was done.”

“Interesting.” Regina placed a hand over Emma’s stopping it from further descending down her abdomen. “I’m going to kill Zelena.”

“You’re feeling awfully murder-y these days, aren’t you?” Emma teasingly smiled at her before she leaned in to place a small kiss to the corner of her mouth after her lips turned into a scowl. “I think I know how to fix that, baby.”

“ _Baby_?” Regina’s scowl turned deeper. “Did you just—”

“You’re so cute when you’re pretending to be mad.”

“I am not—”

“Cute,” Emma chuckled as she pressed a finger to Regina’s nose. “See? Absolutely _adorable_.”

“If you value your life, you will never call me any of those things ever again,” Regina said as she pulled up a small fireball in the palm of her hand threateningly. “Do you understand me, Emma Swan?”

“Do you know how incredibly sexy you are when you get like this?” Emma moaned softly and the fireball diminished quickly in Regina’s hand. “Fuck,” she said, moaning again as she continued to move her hand down Regina’s lower abdomen. “So sexy.”

Regina moaned as Emma buried her face into her neck, kissing along her racing pulse-point as she slipped her hand around to the back of her thigh and eased Regina on top of her. Her body, as tired as it was, was ready and willing all over again. She just could not get enough of Emma Swan and she was so certain that she never would.

Even as a bottom when she was letting Regina top, Emma found a way to be in control. It was one of the things she’d been pushing with Regina since they made their way upstairs earlier, was letting Regina give up the control she liked to have even during sex. This time, though, Regina did let go. She succumbed to Emma completely, gasping as Emma gripped tight on her hips and pulled her hard against the thigh that pressed deliciously _right_ against her pussy.

“Oh!” Regina gasped at the gentle yet sharp nip of Emma’s teeth against her neck and an intense wave of pleasure rolled through her body.

She loved the soft, gentle gasps that came right before Emma would moan in pleasure. She loved the way Emma knew just how to touch her, where to touch her, how to bring her right to the very edge without letting her go completely.

The more control she let go, the more intense that pleasure was as it coursed its way through her body in waves. Endless, endless waves. She was quaking, unable to take much more of that relentlessness of the passion and pleasure flowing between them. In the seconds before they both went tumbling over that edge together, Regina kissed her, long and hard and deep. And she didn’t let go. She couldn’t.

She was still so afraid even now that if she let go, she would wake up from that dream to nothing but a world of disappointment, heartbreak, and grief.


	15. Chapter 15

MAY

Emma never stayed the night, not after that first night, at least. Regina knew she couldn’t and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to. She was still staying at the inn with her year-old daughter and she couldn’t leave her there under Granny’s watchful eye, night after night.

It wasn’t that she didn’t have somewhere to go other than the inn. She had her old house and the Charming’s old loft still sat as empty as it was the day they moved out. Her parents offered her to stay at their house, but she declined the offer as gently as she could because Snow wasn’t doing well, declining each day, closer and closer to the end. Regina didn’t blame her. It was hard to watch someone slowly die like that.

It was hard because it made everyone feel so useless and helpless because there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do to stop it from happening at all.

As for their relationship, the only ones who actually knew anything was going on was Granny and Henry, Henry simply because he’d walked in on them by accident one night when he got home early from his shift at the diner. It wasn’t that they were intentionally keeping it from everyone—they were in a sense—but there never seemed to be a right time to tell everyone that they were together.

They didn’t talk about it, either, about telling everyone who didn’t already know. They didn’t really spend their time talking much at all and work kept them both busy, Regina focusing on managing the budget and looking to hire a different construction company to finish the work on the cabins that still weren’t done and Emma, who had started picking up four-hour shifts at the station so that David could spend more time with his dying wife and their young, confused son.

She’d just pulled into the driveway after she’d left work a little later than usual when her phone buzzed on the seat next to her as a text came through from David.

**_She’s having a rough day._ **

**_She’s asking for everyone to come over now._ **

**_I’ll be right there._ **

Regina backed straight out of the driveway without a second thought and drove across town to the Charming’s house. Henry was right behind her once she parked her car behind David’s truck and Henry parked his car beside hers. Henry still had the apron on from the diner and his hair still contained in the hairnet he was required to wear.

“Hey,” Henry said as they walked up to the front door together where David was waiting, holding it open for them with Neal peeking out from behind his legs. “Do you know if Mom is on her way?”

“I don’t know.”

“I called her,” David said as they walked into the house and he shut the door behind them. “She’s been back for over a month. I don’t understand why she still doesn’t have a cell phone and when I called the inn, the line just rang.”

Regina groaned as she rubbed a hand over her tired eyes. “She doesn’t want one,” she reminded them. “Though I can’t say I blame her, really,” she added as an afterthought. “How is she doing, David?”

“The nurse came by a little while ago to administer the morphine, she had to double the dosage this time as Snow said the pain is getting worse,” David replied and he bent down to scoop Neal up into his arms. “She doesn’t have a lot of time left. I—I think this might be it.”

“David, we said we wouldn’t talk like that,” Regina sighed. “I’ll head up there and say hello, Henry, can you see if there is anything remotely edible in the kitchen? I’ll make something for all of us to eat as soon as I come back down.”

“Sure, Mom.”

Regina headed up the stairs, a trek she’d done a lot in the last six weeks. It felt different that time, though, and she didn’t want to dwell on what that possibly meant. The room was dim and the drapes drawn shut as Regina entered. The lamp on the bedside tables was on and it cast a soft, eerie glow around the room.

“Hello, Snow.”

“Regina.”

Snow was barely a shell of herself those days, but despite it all, she still managed to always have a smile on her pale face. Today was no exception as she greeted Regina with a weak smile and motioned for her to come to sit next to her on the bed.

“You smell nice today. Is that a new shampoo?” Snow asked as Regina settled on the bed beside her. “It’s nice.”

“Thank you. Henry gave it to me as an early Mother’s Day gift last night.”

“It reminds me of something, of somewhere in another life I think, a long time ago,” Snow whispered and she shook her head. “I’m glad you’re here, Regina. I wanted to talk to you. Can I ask you something only if you promise you won’t lie to me?”

“Of course.”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“About what?”

“You know,” Snow said with a small, knowing smile and she patted Regina’s hand lightly. “About you and Emma.”

“Well, I guess I am going to tell you now, aren’t I?” Regina said and she felt utterly nervous all of a sudden because now what was she supposed to say? _Snow, I’m sleeping with your daughter?_ _Snow, I’m in love with your daughter?_ “We’re—Emma and I, we’re—dating,” she finished flatly.

“Dating?” Snow quirked an eyebrow at her. “Is that what you’re calling it?”

“What else would you call it, Snow?”

“I—oh, I suppose you are right,” she said with a small laugh and regardless of how awkward the conversation was and how nervous it was making Regina feel, it felt really good to hear Snow laugh and sound more like herself than she’d been in a while. “I just want you to know, Regina, that I am happy for you. For both of you.”

“Is this your way of giving me your blessing when it comes to dating your daughter?”

“Are you saying you are asking for my blessing, Regina?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so,” Snow said and her voice cracked with emotion as tears filled her eyes and her breath grew shallow suddenly. “Regina.” She whispered, her voice barely louder than a very faint whisper. “Are you sure you can’t use magic to…save me?”

“I wish there was a way, I truly do.”

“I’m so scared.”

“I know,” Regina sobbed softly and she gently wrapped her arms around Snow and held her close. “It’s all right.”

“No, Regina, no it’s not!” Snow was growing angry. That happened a lot, especially in the last few days as her health had started to deteriorate rapidly. “It is not all right! I’m dying in case you have forgotten that! I’m leaving my family behind. And Emma. We just got her back. We just…oh…I just got my family back.”

Regina held her close, soothing her and shushing her as hard sobs wracked through her body and pulled a hard, violet cough she couldn’t quite catch her breath from. She didn’t let go, not until David rushed into the room, grabbing the oxygen mask and tank from the other side of the room and helping to hold it for his wife who was now too weak to lift her own hand.

“Henry put the water on for the pasta, so I guess we’re having spaghetti for dinner,” David said as he settled into bed with his wife, holding her as he held the mask in place while she tried to take deep breaths. “She’ll be all right in a few moments. It’ll pass. I think Henry might need some help with the sauce.”

His gentle, not so subtle way of asking Regina to leave, to give them a couple of minutes alone together. Regina left, heading down to the kitchen quickly as soon as she heard Neal’s shrieking laughter and then a crash and more laughter.

“What on earth is going on in here?” Regina demanded as she appeared in the doorway, hands on her hips, and stared down at the two boys standing in the middle of the kitchen and uncooked pasta all over the floor. “Who made this mess?”

Henry pointed at Neal. Neal pointed at Henry despite the fact that he was the one holding the lid to the container of uncooked pasta shells had been in before he’d dropped it on the floor.

“I wanted to help!” Neal said and he started to cry. “I’m sorry!”

“I told him it was too big and too heavy,” Henry muttered and he grabbed the broom from the corner by the back door and started to sweep the shells up. “As usual, he didn’t listen to me.”

“He’s very determined to do a lot of things on his own now, Henry, you know that. You should have helped him at the very least.”

“Regina,” David said with a shaky voice as he came into the kitchen while she was holding the dustpan for Henry a few minutes later. “I think you need to go and find Emma. Now.”

“David, is everything—”

“No,” he said, tears falling down his cheeks. “Just…please. Please.”

Regina didn’t hesitate and she walked towards the front door, picking up her purse and her keys before she just laughed, wondering what the hell she was doing, and then she just disappeared out of there, teleporting herself to wherever Emma was, going only on the feel of her magic to bring her there.

She found Emma at the park sitting by the pond with her daughter sitting in her lap, the baby happily waving at the swans swimming by in the water nearby. Emma looked up at Regina with a smile as she slowly walked up to the bench they were sitting on. That smile was not returned, not like it usually was those days, and Emma’s face fell immediately and she lifted her daughter into her arms as she stood up quickly and Regina brought them back to the house without having to say a single word.

They made it, only just, to say one last goodbye. It was so very quiet in the room when Snow White took her final breath.

Henry was the first to leave the room. Regina wasn’t even sure how long they’d all just stood there, but she felt his warm hand leave hers suddenly, the sound of the door downstairs a few minutes later finally breaking the burden of silence that hung heavy in the air all around them.

Regina stayed that night, even after the coroner came when David, or maybe it was Emma, who called a short while after Snow had passed. Everyone else that was there stayed too. It just didn’t feel right for any of them to be alone. It felt just a little easier to be alone, together.

[X]

The thing with small towns as close-knit as Storybrooke was, news traveled fast whether it was meant to or not, and news of Snow’s death got out fast and it hit everyone hard—as hard as it had hit them over a year ago when they thought that Emma Swan, their savior, was dead.

Those first few days after, Regina feared for the first time since Emma had come home, that she was about to run again. She had that fight or flight look in her eyes more often than not, but she stayed and she fought that internal fight that wanted her to run.

Because it would be easier.

Regina thought about it once or twice, but she kept busy, helping David with the funeral arrangements and with Neal in the days leading up to the funeral. When she was too busy, Henry was watching Neal, sometimes Zelena stepped in to take over for a little while, and Granny stopped by a few times with food for the Charming’s but really everyone knew she just wanted to have her part in being helpful, useful, too.

After feeling helpless and useless for weeks, it was something that all they were desperately trying to cling to now was that feeling that they were anything but.

It was raining the morning of the funeral and Regina switched her alarm off with an exhausted groan. She felt Emma stir a little beside her and murmur sleepily into the pillow that it was too early.

It was, but Regina was up anyway and they had a very long, busy, and emotionally exhausting day ahead. She left Emma in her bed and quietly tiptoed out of the room after she slipped on her robe. Across the hall, in the guest room, Emma’s daughter lay fast asleep in Henry’s old crib that Emma and Henry had found the day before while they’d been looking for some old toys in the attic.

Hope. She barely ever said the name and barely thought it, and she still was a little bit hesitant to hold her. Regina couldn’t shake that feeling, of how much she could not look at the baby and think about how much she hated that child’s father. And it bothered her that she couldn’t just let that go because it shouldn’t matter. Her father was long gone, dead for all she cared, and that baby deserved nothing but all the love in the world.

“Momma,” Hope whimpered out from the crib as Emma quietly approached to check in on her. “Hi.”

“Hello, sweet baby girl,” Regina whispered tearfully and, despite how she had felt all this time, she bent down to pick the crying baby out of her crib and held her gently against her chest. “Shh, it’s all right, Hope. Gina is here now. Shh, sweetheart.”

“Gina?” Emma asked quietly from behind her, nearly scaring her half to death. “Neal still calls you that, doesn’t he?”

“Yes. It’s easier for them to say than Regina, dear,” she said and she continued to shush the baby, gently rubbing a hand up and down her back as she quickly calmed down. “What?”

“You’re holding her.”

“She was fussing. I came to check in on her and she was calling for you.”

“I know. I was…getting there,” Emma sighed and she rubbed her eyes. “I just needed a few extra minutes. She usually goes back to sleep on her own.”

“I think she’s wet, she feels a little damp,” Regina said when she gently patted Hope’s soggy diaper. “Do you want me to—”

“No, I got her,” Emma said, taking the baby out of Regina’s arms. “Do you happen to have any of that coffee from Paris left? I’ve been really craving it since the…last time.”

“Yes, of course,” Regina replied, not bothering to mention that Emma had left before she even had a sip of it the last time she’d brewed a pot of the beans she’d picked up in Paris. “Will you wake Henry up before you come downstairs?”

“Sure.”

Within the hour, the house was filled with noise as everyone got ready, and people. Too many people. Zelena showed up with her sleeping toddler in her arms almost the minute the first pot of coffee had finished brewing. Zelena, of course, had no idea that Emma had stayed over and as far as Regina knew, Zelena had no idea about her and Emma yet, either. She’d left out that part back when she explained to her sister what happened in London and Paris.

It all unraveled as soon as Emma came into the kitchen wearing Regina’s other robe, her hair mussed from sleep still, and announced that Henry was refusing to wake up that early. Zelena just gaped at Emma as Emma stopped a few steps into the kitchen when she saw Zelena sitting there with Regina sipping coffee.

“Oh.”

It was all Zelena had said before she took another sip of her coffee, unfazed, and they drank their coffee, Henry came down for his two bowls of Cheerios and then it was a mad dash between him and Emma over who got the shower first, a race he won and Regina won, too, in a way, because barely a minute after she’d stepped into the shower in her en-suite, Emma slipped in behind her.

They were almost late arriving at a secluded spot in the woods up by the river, a place David said he and Snow had chosen to one day be their final resting place together. Everyone else was already there or arriving as they were. And it was quite a walk, a trek through the woods and what made it worse was the rain they’d had earlier.

“Fitting, I guess,” Leroy grunted as they gathered around the casket, which was not made of glass as what was probably more fitting and expected. “Miserable weather for an even more miserable day.”

Everyone huddled together under the few umbrellas a couple of people had brought along with them. Emma never let go of her hand. Not once. And she held on tight because Emma felt like a lifeline at that moment, the only thing keeping her from sinking into the unimaginable grief she felt for the woman, once a former foe, had become one of the most important members of her family.

And she was gone.

And their family was left broken once again.


	16. Chapter 16

JUNE

Like last year, the tourists came as soon as the long weekend at the end of May came, and they just kept coming. Why it amused Emma as much as it did, Regina couldn’t quite understand, but Emma had taken to eating out on the patio at the diner almost every day at lunch to people-watch.

“It’s so surreal,” Emma said to Regina as soon as she joined Emma at the diner one Friday afternoon for a late lunch together. “These people really have no idea what kind of place they’re vacationing in, do they?”

“No,” Regina chuckled. “Thank goodness for that or who knows what would unfold from that kind of information. They’d think we’re a town of lunatics.”

“Probably.” Emma leaned over the table a little and dropped a quick kiss upon Regina’s lips. “Hi.”

“Did you order yet?” Regina asked as she picked up the menu she’d memorized years ago, or at least she thought it was until her eyes drifted down to scan over the once familiar items listed off. “What the hell is this?”

“New menu,” Emma replied and she slipped her sunglass on. “Can you tell where I’m looking right now, Regina?”

“What are you doing, Emma?”

“Spying on people, duh,” Emma chuckled and she pushed the dark-shaded sunglasses up on top of her head. “Too obvious, right? Zelena thought so earlier.”

The strangest thing to evolve over the past couple of months was the friendship that had emerged between Zelena and Emma. Regina didn’t understand it. She couldn’t. It was just too strange to see her sister and Emma getting along. And Zelena’s boyfriend, Christopher, the ‘boy-toy’ as Emma liked to call him, somehow ended up becoming friends with Emma, too.

But if she asked Emma, that wasn’t the strangest thing that happened over the past few months. Emma would say it was how, since the day before Snow’s funeral, they ended up living together in a way that Emma only went back to the inn a few days later to get her stuff and never went back again. The guest room became Hope’s room. Regina’s room became _their_ room, and everything just seemed to click into place so smoothly along the way, that after a few weeks, Regina couldn’t remember what it had felt like being any other way.

Maybe it was strange because it was easy, and Emma had told her once since she’d come back home that it felt easier than she thought it’d be. Easy, like the life she’d created for herself, the one she ran away to and then away from.

“So, word of mouth is that the best thing on the new menu is the macaroni lasagna,” Emma said and Regina scanned over the new items on the menu, unimpressed.

“What the hell is charcoal ice cream?”

“You’re already on the dessert section?” Emma laughed. “Of all the things that Granny put on this spread, that’s the one that you notice first? The ice cream?”

“Am I not allowed to have a bit of a sweet tooth now and then, dear?”

“When I was eight, Mom and I were here for breakfast one morning. She ordered a milkshake and lied, trying to convince me it was a smoothie,” Henry said and he took a seat in the empty chair at the table, laughing at the look of shock on Regina’s face that Henry would outwardly call his own mother a liar. “To be fair,” he continued as he pulled his sunglasses off his shirt and slipped them on. “Granny told me when you were in the bathroom before we left so I knew you lied to me.”

“I don’t remember this at all, Henry.”

“Ma,” he said as he snapped his fingers at Emma. She’d put her sunglasses back on too by that point and they were both grinning like a pair of idiots at each other. “Can you see where I’m looking?”

“No, what about you? Can you—ow!” Emma groaned as Regina flicked a finger against her bare arm. “Your mom doesn’t like it when we spy on the tourists, kid,” Emma said lowly to Henry as she took her sunglasses off and handed them over to Regina with a pout. “She’s no fun.”

“Your mother needs to grow up,” Regina said and she held out a hand, grinning as Henry groaned and handed his sunglasses over to her. “You’re a terrible example to the children, Emma. Absolutely terrible.”

“No kids here, is there?” Emma asked, winking at Henry and her smile faltered as she was met with a hard, cold stare. “What? He’s a grown up now, Regina. Practically.”

“He’s not even seventeen yet.”

“Seven more weeks,” Henry laughed and he held his hand up for a high five, one Emma took immediately. “What?” he asked when suddenly ended up on the receiving end of that very same glare. “Probably not a good time to start asking about maybe, possibly letting me buy a motorcycle for my birthday?”

“When you’re eighteen, we’ll talk about it,” Emma said simply.

“No,” Regina said and she shook her head at Emma. “And no, not even when he is eighteen. We’ve already talked about this.” Regina turned to look over at her son who was now slouching _and_ pouting in his chair. “This is, what, the seventh time that you’ve brought it up this week? Henry, the answer is no. End of discussion.”

“You’re right, Ma, she is no fun.”

“Finally, something we can all agree on!” Zelena exclaimed. She turned and whistled at her boyfriend, beckoning him over. “Come along, Christopher, darling. We’re already late for lunch. I wouldn’t be surprised if they ordered already without us.”

He was wrangling three children, Hope and Robyn in the double-stroller and Neal, who was struggling to pull his hand free to no avail. Regina watched as he helplessly looked over at Zelena, then at the table, before Regina took pity on the young man and got up to help him with the children he’d been watching all morning.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “Remind me to never again offer to watch all three again at the same time. I’m truly not cut out for this.”

“As you said the last time,” Regina laughed lightly and she picked her niece up out of the stroller and put the toddler down on her feet, allowing her to run after her mother as Zelena joined Emma and Henry at their table. “You never do learn, do you, dear?”

“I just do as I am told,” he replied tiredly. “Thank you, Regina, thank you.”

Regina picked hope up, smiling down at the little baby who had stolen her heart completely. She kissed her softly on one cheek and then the other, eliciting happy squeals with each kiss.

“Gigi!”

It was Hope’s name for her, as she still didn’t say too many words and most of it was still a lot of baby babble, but Regina loved it. She loved being Gigi. It somehow further filled that void that had once taken up a permanent residence in her heart.

Her favorite name that Hope used was the one she had for Henry. The most she could say was ‘Hey’ whenever she tried to say Henry’s name, and it stuck. Nobody corrected her because damn it, it was simply the most adorable thing in the whole world.

“Hey, Hey!” Hope screamed out rather loudly as soon as her eyes fell upon her big brother. Everyone around them looked over at the screaming baby, most watching on as Regina handed the baby to Henry.

They gathered around the table out on the diner’s patio and browsed through the new mention together while they waited for David to get there. He showed up, half an hour late, apologetic as he pulled up a chair to sit between Emma and Henry.

“Sorry I’m late, kiddo,” he said to her as he draped an arm around the back.”

“It’s okay, Dad,” Emma said, leaning over to hug him with one arm. “Everything okay over at the station today?”

“Nothing I can’t handle when the other sheriff decides to skip out on her lunch break an hour early. Don’t worry about it.” David pulled a menu off the table. “So, what are we ordering? The usual?”

“Take a look at the menu, Idiot Charming,” Zelena said drolly. “We’re going to have to pick another usual to order from now on, it seems.”

“Now why go and change a good thing? David muttered sadly. “Fish tacos? Who eats fish in tacos? Is that a thing? That just seems very peculiar to me. Let me go find Granny. I’ll get her to whip up a platter of our usual for us instead of…whatever all of this is supposed to be.”

Granny, after much convincing not only from David but from Henry too, gave in and prepared them what they were familiar with most, their usual lunch orders served out on a platter as everyone just took a bit of whatever was on there for themselves.

As always, nobody failed to notice the one plate that stayed empty on the table for the duration of the meal, and as always, nobody mentioned it either. It went without saying that it was their way, the family way, of always having a place there at the table for Snow White.

They’d done the same thing for Emma before, too.

[X]

Everyone had fallen into a routine that was so different than the way life had been before, or at least before Emma had come back home. Mornings were always hectic, though as soon as school was out for the summer for Henry, that changed, too. Mornings were filled with rushed showers, hurried breakfasts, and half-drank coffees left on the counter as they each headed out the door, one of them taking over the responsibility of dropping the baby off at the babysitter’s house down the street.

It was usually Emma who did that, but that particular morning, Regina was the one who ended up struggling to slip on one heel in the foyer while Henry ran out the door pulling on a t-shirt as he did and Emma close behind him, on the phone with a station as an emergency call had come through on the cell phone she eventually ended up having to get after a few months of refusing to get one at all.

“Gigi, up!” Hope cooed from the floor at Regina’s feet as she made grabby hands up at her, an irresistible pout forming on her face. “Gigi! Up!”

Tiredly, she stopped struggling with her heel and let the shoe clatter to the floor as she bent down to pick up the baby. “So very impatient, are you?” Regina asked her and the baby giggled as Regina kissed her cheeks. “You’re just like your mother, aren’t you? Impatience runs in the family, dear. I should warn you, however, so does idiocy. Let’s hope you didn’t get that from your mother, hmm?”

Regina carried Hope with her as she headed up the stairs in search of another pair of shoes to wear that weren’t being impossible that morning. Regina blamed it on the heat outside as the humidity was reaching unbearable levels ever the last handful of days. She found a pair of heels, strappy ones, and she got Hope ready, putting on a rather hideous looking floppy hat before she carried her out to the car, the hat’s sole purpose to keep the child from burning her light, fair skin under the harsh summer rays.

It wasn’t the first time she’d dropped Hope off at the babysitter’s house, but it was the first time she’d done it alone as Henry normally was with her. Ashley answered the door, looking at her in confusion before explaining to her that she was always expecting the baby to arrive just after eight in the morning, that she was to just walk in and never ring the bell before nine.

_“Too many sleeping babies and not enough arms to hold them and soothe them with if those babies are woken up. Unless you have an hour or two of free time to spare to help me calm all those babies down, you’d do best to remember that the next time you drop Hope off in the morning.”_

Emma no longer waited to be let in by Marjorie whenever she showed up at Regina’s office unannounced, and when she showed up later that morning doing just that, she startled Regina by saying, “hey Mayor Hot Stuff, you sure are looking mighty fine today,” loudly as she strolled through the door.

“Mayor Hot Stuff?” Regina looked up from the email she’d been reading. “That’s new.”

“That’s what the tourists are calling you these days, ma’am,” Emma grinned and she walked around Regina’s desk, bowing slightly in an exaggerated way before she swept in to steal a kiss. “I have to say, they are right, Mayor Hot Stuff.”

“Is _that_ the most creative name they could come up with? I believe I heard Mayor MILF a few times last year.”

“Hmm, wonder what they’ll come up with next year,” Emma chuckled and she leaned in for another kiss, this one lingered and full of promise of what their night would entail.

Regina was already looking forward to it as it was the first time in weeks since they’d have the house alone, Zelena generously offering her boyfriend’s babysitting services overnight, likely without his knowledge or consent. Either way, she was going to take a nice night alone in the house with either of their children present to overhear them if things got a little…loud.

“Not that I ever mind you stopping by unexpectedly, Sheriff Swan,” Regina said and she cleared her throat as her eleven o’clock meeting appeared in the open doorway, red-faced and embarrassed that they’d walked in on the sheriff and the mayor kissing. “I do have other appointments scheduled and my next one is here now, dear.”

“Sorry,” Emma whispered and she smiled over at the man waiting by the door. “Sorry. Don’t let me keep you from your meeting. I’ll stop by later, Madam Mayor, for our scheduled meeting.”

She had no scheduled meeting with the sheriff for that day, but she didn’t say anything as Emma sauntered out of her office, turning once she was standing by Marjorie’s desk to wave back at her, doing so just to try and get a rise out of her.

“Mr. Steinbeck, is it?” Regina asked the man, getting up to close the doors behind him. He nodded and extended a hand, one she took with a firm handshake. “Shall we get started?”

“Yes, your majesty,” he said, bowing his head before taking a seat in the chair Regina pointed out at him. “Thank you.”

“You may call me Mayor Mils, Ms. Mills, or Regina here, Mr. Steinbeck. We’re not in the Enchanted Forest anymore and I haven’t been the Queen for quite some time. Now,” Regina said and she settled down in her own chair. “Please tell me you have some news. It’s been weeks.”

Marcin Steinbeck, and old and trusted friend from back in the early days of her reign as the Queen in the Enchanted Forest, was a bounty hunter of sorts. He’d been running a small firm there in her town, offering his P.I. services to those who needed them. Regina sought him out, unbeknownst to Emma, and had the man try and track down the missing pirate.

It wasn’t that she wanted to know where he was or if he was even alive. No, she wanted a peace of mind knowing that wherever he was, there was a way to make sure that he never came back.

“I sent word out to all the realms, as promised,” Marcin said, his eyes twitching a little bit as he squirmed under the weight of Regina’s intense stare. “I heard back just this morning. The pirate was spotted no more than a fortnight ago sailing near the shores of the old White kingdom.”

“He is alive?”

“Or the man my source told me about is nothing more than an impostor who just so happens to be in possession of the Jolly Roger as we speak.”

“This isn’t enough, Marcin.”

“I’m sorry, your majesty, it was all I could unearth with the sources I contacted. Shall I find someone to approach the pirate for confirmation?”

“No. No,” she sighed heavily. The last thing she needed was for the pirate to find out that she, of all people, was looking for him with the sole intent to keep him away from the woman he was supposed to have married a year and a half ago. She didn’t even want him finding out that he was a father, either. “He moves, he sails anywhere, he even so much as drinks every drop of rum in the realm until he drops dead on the spot, I want to know about it. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, your majesty. I’ll get my source in the White kingdom to put together a surveillance team. Shall I tell them to report directly to you—”

“Our initial agreement was that nobody, absolutely _nobody_ finds out about this,” Regina reminded him, her tone scolding. “Is that understood?”

“Yes, your majesty.”

Regina was on edge for the next few hours after he’d left. It wasn’t the news she was hoping for, but at least it was something. It was more than she’d had before and it did give her a peace of mind, just a little, knowing he was in that realm and not there with them in theirs. It was almost as good as him being dead, really, almost yet not quite good enough.

She knew when Emma arrived just before three that she was there and trying to sneak the bear claw she knew was in the daily pastry box Marjorie picked up from the diner every morning. With a snap of her fingers, Regina magicked the bear claw out of the box and neatly into her hand on top of a folded napkin and began to count down from ten, making it all the way down to three before the doors opened and Emma stormed in.

“Why does she always get to eat the bear claw?” Emma asked, fuming as she shut the door behind her. “Everyone knows that you specifically ask her to put one in the box every morning because you know I’ll be around at some point during the day to get it.”

“Emma—”

“Granny still won’t tell me who made her stop selling them to me,” Emma groaned and she threw her hands up in the air, still fuming like a petulant child. “Do you know who told her? You do, don’t you? Was it you? Regina, how could you do that to me?”

“Emma, I have your damn bear claw right here,” Regina snapped. “You’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” Emma laughed, her mood instantly shifting and she happily plucked the bear claw from Regina’s hand. “I knew there was a reason why I love you.”

“Just one?”

“If I try really hard, I can think of another one if you want?” Emma teased. “But seriously, thank you. I’ve been craving this all day. Granny banned me from the diner for a week. Can you believe that? A week, Regina! I’m going to _starve_!”

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Emma. I would never let you starve.” Regina scoffed and she watched in slight amusement as Emma bit into the bear claw and moaned. “Intentionally, that is,” she added as an afterthought. “But only if you deserved it, of course.”

“You would never.”

“Try me.”

“I wouldn’t dare dream of it, Mayor Hot Stuff.”


	17. Chapter 17

JULY

Fireworks fizzled, whizzed, cracked and popped in the skies all over Storybrooke on the fourth of July, a spectacular display taking place at the harbor they’d be able to see from the house, or so Regina had heard that it would be. She wasn’t anywhere near the yard, nor was Emma, as they’d snuck away from the party that was being held by Henry and his friends.

They were camped out on their bedroom floor, backs against the door as they shared a bottle of wine—the first drop of alcohol Regina had in many months. They had escaped the party to steal a moment alone, the thrill of being caught sneaking off making Regina feel _young_ again in a way.

“Regina?” Emma asked, pausing as she handed the bottle back to her. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, Emma? What is it?”

“Will you still love me anyway?”

It was Emma’s way of asking her if she forgave her yet. Regina wasn’t sure when it’d become a thing, but it’d been a thing Emma had taken to asking her a lot lately. Emma was still seeking for her forgiveness and lately, it seemed to matter more to her than it had in previous months.

“Yes, I will, Emma.”

“Does that mean you forgive me now?”

“No.” Regina quirked an eyebrow at her before taking a small sip from the bottle. She sighed contently and handed the bottle back to her. “Not yet.”

“When will you?”

“Soon, I hope.”

Emma picked at the label in the bottle, staring at it for a moment before she took a sip. “Okay,” she said and took one more sip before she frowned. “Do you want me to go down and grab another bottle?”

“No. No need to overdo it, hmm?”

“Yeah, you’re right, I guess,” Emma sighed. “Henry told me about the time you dumped all your liquor down the sink. Seems like a waste.”

“That’s what he said.”

“I get it, though,” Emma said as she reached for Regina’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I probably would’ve done the same thing, too.”

“Mm, I’m sure.”

Regina closed her eyes, listening to the fireworks outside and the music playing in the backyard loudly. She focused on Emma’s hand in hers and the way that Emma lifted it to place a light kiss along her knuckles. She didn’t open her eyes until Emma leaned over and softly kissed her cheek, her lips moving slowly to kiss the corner of her lips and then she moaned, pulling Regina into her as she kissed her again, her eyes fluttering shut as she lost herself within Emma fully.

The kiss was short-lived as Emma pulled back just a moment later with a silly, dopey little grin on her face. Regina never grew tired of that look, of that smile, of the way Emma just looked at her sometimes. There was so much love in her eyes and it was all for her and sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered if she was still dreaming because it all felt too good to be true.

“We should probably get back out there,” Emma whispered. “Zelena was threatening to upstage the fireworks down at the harbor if they were anything less than spectacular.”

“She’ll end up setting the damn house on fire!” Regina was up from the floor in an instant, but the wine she’d shared with Emma seemed to hit her rather hard and Emma, ever the savior, was right there beside her, holding her before she could take a stumble back down onto the floor. “What is so funny, Emma?”

Emma tried to hold back her giggles and she couldn’t. She wrapped her arms around Regina and laughed as she buried her face into her neck and shook her head. The baby monitor Emma had clipped on her belt started to crackle a little and then came the unmistakable sound of Hope’s cry as she woke up.

“Didn’t think she’d sleep through it,” Emma said, her laughter gone as she sighed heavily. “Hey, can you go down and see if Henry and his friends ate all those little sausages? You know the ones that are wrapped in that pastry thing?”

“You mention Zelena setting off fireworks and potentially burning down the house and you’re worried about those sausages being gone?”

“What? They’re so good, Regina.”

“Go check on your daughter, Swan,” she said as she pulled the bedroom door open and all but shoved Emma out into the hallway. “If she isn’t too cranky, you should bring her down for the show. I’m sure she’d love it.”

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Emma shrugged before she walked across the hall into Hope’s bedroom. “Hey, baby girl,” Emma soothed and Regina couldn’t help but move to stand in the doorway and watch as Emma picked her dark-haired daughter up from the crib. “Did you get enough sleep?” Emma whispered before peppering kisses all over Hope’s tear-stained cheeks. “No? Oh, baby girl, it’s okay.”

Emma tried to soothe her cranky daughter, rubbing her back as she swayed gently. While Emma normally never had a problem soothing her daughter when she was crying, tonight was different and Regina cocked her head to the side as Hope looked straight at her with her teary eyes and started to grab out at the air towards her.

“Gigi!”

Regina sighed as she stepped into the room and stood beside Emma, reaching out to sooth a hand over the back of Hope’s head gently. “She feels warm,” Regina whispered as the slight curls at the back of Hope’s head were damp. “Maybe she isn’t feeling well.”

“Can you take her?” Emma asked tentatively. She still was so unsure when it came to Regina and the baby. “She wants _you_ , Gigi.”

“All right,” Regina said and Emma gently handed the baby to her. “Just this once.”

Emma didn’t move from near her as she held the fussing baby who was almost immediately beginning to calm down just from being in her arms. Seeing Emma struggle with the baby sometimes made her think about how hard it’d been for her when she first adopted Henry.

“I thought something was terribly wrong with Henry when he was a few months old and would not stop crying,” Regina whispered and she nuzzled the baby’s warm head, her soft curly hair tickling her cheek. “He grew out of it, of course. He was just a very fussy baby. Hope…she reminds me of him a little bit when he was her age.”

“Yeah?” Emma smiled and wrapped an arm around Regina’s waist and leaned into her side before she ran her fingers lightly over the back of Hope’s head. “Sometimes I remember that but then I remember it didn’t really happen, you know? That I only remember that because you gave me those memories.”

“You still remember those?”

“Sometimes.”

Regina inhaled shakily. That moment, when she gave Emma her memories of a life with Henry and new ones as well, it was one of the key moments of when she knew that she was in love with the savior. She wasn’t even certain, not to that very day, that she didn’t somehow pass on those feelings she was having to Emma somehow.

“I’m just happy that you get the chance to do this for her,” Regina said quietly. “She deserves nothing less than all the love in the world.”

“And she gets all the love in the world from her Momma and Gigi and her big brother, huh?” Emma said, talking mostly to the baby who squealed in delight despite tears still slowly rolling down her cheeks. “Thank you, you know.”

“For what?”

“For learning how to love her, Regina. I know how hard it’s been for you since you met her,” she whispered and she placed a soft kiss to Regina’s cheek and then dropped one on Hope’s forehead. “And thank you, for learning how to love me again, too.”

“I never stopped.”

“I didn’t either, not really,” Emma said and she laughed, her voice filled with emotion as she planted another kiss on Regina’s cheek. “We never really talked about it, have we?”

“Talked about what?”

“How we fell in love.”

Regina shook her head and handed the baby back to her. “I think that is a conversation best left for when we are not drunk on wine and have a house full of teenagers.”

“I’ll tell you how I fell in love with you,” Emma drawled out languidly. “I remember that night so clearly. It was my birthday, you know, well you didn’t know until I told you a few days later, but I drove four hours to drive this kid home that showed up on my door claiming to be my son and when we got here, you ran out of the house, worried sick about your son and furious that I had been the one to bring him home.”

Emma licked her lips and placed Hope on her hip, still not moving away from Regina. Her heart was racing hard as she thought back to that very night. Had she fallen in love with Emma then? No, she knew she hadn’t, she hated her at the time, but she also knew that it happened not long after that.

“I don’t remember exactly when,” Regina admitted quietly. “But,” she paused as she found it impossible to look anywhere else but deep into Emma’s eyes. “I knew for certain after Neverland.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Well, Emma, I suppose it was as you said, I wasn’t brave enough and neither were you. I was close, once, but…fate wasn’t playing out in our favor then. You started seeing the pirate and I, well, you know what happened after that.”

“You can say his name.”

“No, I really don’t care to.”

“Do you really hate him that much, Regina?”

“I loathe the one-hand useless wonder of a pirate, dear. You know this. I was never shy in making my dislike of that man known.”

“You were jealous.”

“No.”

“Ding.” Emma grinned as Regina rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, Regina, I will always know when you are lying.”

“If you are instigating that I was jealous of Captain Guyliner, you are sorely mistaken.”

“You told me that I was too good for Hook.”

“You are. Just as you are too good for me, too,” Regina replied dryly. “If you’ve been looking for an out, I just gave you one.”

“I’m not looking for an out, Regina.” Emma shook her head and placed the baby down in the crib. She ran her hand over Hope’s hair for a few seconds before she turned to look at her. “If I was looking for an out, I would’ve never come back home. Do you know why I came back?”

“Why?”

Regina didn’t want to guess or speculate. She didn’t want to imagine what the answer could be and since Emma had been home, she had been far too afraid to ask her that very question in fear it would spark that fear back up inside of Emma and make her run yet again.

“I think it was that week we had together,” Emma whispered and she wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist as they took a few steps back from the crib. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about what we had, and I wanted it again. I wanted that every day. I wanted _you_ every day, I wanted to see you every day, touch you, kiss you, laugh with you, and hell I even wanted those stupid little fights we have sometimes because you stir something up deep inside of me, something I never thought was possible to feel.”

“I wanted that before we even had it,” Regina admitted easily, her cheeks growing hot under Emma intense and loving gaze. “I dreamt so many times about that night you left. I dreamt of what would’ve happened had I gone after you after I read that damn stupid post-it you left for me.”

“Hey, I would’ve actually _told_ you if you didn’t use that silencing spell on me.”

“Would you have? Really?”

Emma groaned. “Maybe not. I was still a coward then, Regina. But,” she said and she lifted a hand to tuck a strand of Regina’s hair behind her ear, “if you had told me how you felt first, I might’ve just told you, too.”

“I guess we’ll never know if we would’ve had our chance then, will we?”

“You know, I’m surprisingly okay with that. You know what?” Emma asked and Regina shook her head no. She never knew why unless she was told. “I’m kind of happy with the way things turned out in the end.”

“Only kind of?”

“Well, I didn’t expect you to show up that afternoon in London, that’s for sure. I was so close to losing my job already at that point. Childcare is expensive and it took me over an hour to get to the café every day, longer sometimes. My boss was itching for a reason to get rid of me and she had it out for me that day.”

“I could tell,” Regina laughed. “Well, you ended up losing that job anyway, didn’t you dear? You spent the next two days holed up in my hotel room and then we spent almost a week in Paris. What did you do after you returned to London?”

They hadn’t talked about that at all. The opportunity to talk about it had never come up and it just so happened they had that chance now. Regina, most of all, wanted to fill in some of the missing gaps and when it came to Emma, there were a lot of them still.

“My flatmates were kind of really pissed at me when I got back, but thankfully Keira simply adored Hope and she was kind of okay with Keira too. Obviously, I didn’t have a job, and I was skint. Broke.” Emma looked down at Hope in her crib as the baby had soothed herself back to sleep in the last couple of minutes. “Keira was a sweetheart for the first month, told me not to worry about my share of the rent until I got a job. Kind of hard to get a job with a fake identity that pays well, so I bounced around for a while, waitressing and I even bartended at a club for a couple of days. Paid good, but the hours didn’t work. I had a baby at home to take care of.”

“How did you meet those flatmates?”

“We all did a job together back when I was twenty or so, maybe before that. I hadn’t talked to either of them in so long and I just so happened to run into them in Jersey. Didn’t I tell you about this already?” Emma blinked in confusion but she continued, “I thought so. Anyway, I tried to find something, anything that would pay well enough to pay for rent and food and be enough for me to save for a one-way ticket home.”

Emma shook her head and scoffed, motioning at Regina to follow her out of Hope’s room as the baby was most definitely fast asleep again. They didn’t go back into their own room and instead ended up sitting at the top of the stairs as the music outside seemed to get louder than it’d been before.

“I was ready to come home as soon as I got back to London, Regina.”

“You couldn’t help that you couldn’t afford to come back then.”

“Yeah, about that,” Emma groaned quietly. “After Christmas, Cole and Keira bought me a ticket to Boston. I don’t know how they knew I wanted to go back home, but they just knew and they pooled together their savings and bought me and Hope that ticket. I was supposed to fly back on New Year’s Eve. Thankfully the ticket was easily changed and then I was supposed to come back home a month after that.”

Emma could’ve been home for six months at this point had she returned then. Regina swallowed thickly through the disappointment that filled her and focused instead on the fact that Emma was there with her _now_.

“I got spooked a bit when I saw him sometime around the middle of January.”

“Who?”

“Killian.”

“You _saw_ him?” Regina asked incredulously and Emma grabbed onto her hand before she could get up. “Where did you see him, Emma? Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“Because I am telling you now, Regina.”

“Does he know about—”

“No,” Emma said quickly. “Luckily she wasn’t with me that day as I was on my way to a new job over in the east end of the city.” Emma fell quiet for a moment and then she just laughed. “He looked rough,” she said softly. “Smelled like a brewery too and I knew then how very lucky I was to have left when I did or else I could’ve ended up married to…well, a delusional alcoholic pirate. I thought at one point he could change.”

“He did change.”

“Are you defending him?”

“Absolutely not!” Regina exclaimed. “But,” she sighed in spite of herself, “I saw how hard he tried to change, to be good, for you. Got to give him credit for that.”

“He was selfish.”

“Aren’t we all when it comes to love, Emma?”

“Is that why you never moved on?”

“I had my heart broken, _shattered_ , three times in my life, Emma. I truly wasn’t ready or even willing to set myself up for that again. If that is classified as a selfish move, I’m still glad I chose to not move on.”

“Have I fixed it yet?”

“Fixed what?”

“Your broken heart?” Emma asked hopefully. “Just a little? Mending a broken heart isn’t the same as being forgiven, is it?”

“No, it’s not. Not entirely,” Regina replied and she knew it wasn’t the answer Emma wanted, but it was all that she had for her. “What happened after you saw him?”

“He tried to talk me into coming home with him, told me we could fix everything and that we could still get married. I told him no and he followed me home later that night, drunk and demanding that I give him the answers he deserved. He wanted to know why.”

“Did you tell him?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“What did you tell him, exactly?”

Emma laughed and leaned into Regina a little bit and let out a soft sigh. “I told him I was in love with someone else, that I had been for a very long time. I think he knew it was you. I didn’t even have to say your name, Regina.”

“And then what happened?”

“He left. Told me he’d wasted his time, far too many years of his life, and that he was sick and tired of chasing someone who did nothing but play games with him.”

“How many times did he ask you out and you said no? How many times did he never listen when you said no?”

“Too many. You were right all along, Regina. I think I knew that when he first asked me to marry him. I thought I was supposed to feel, I don’t know, happy because the man I thought I was in love with had asked me to marry him, but I didn’t feel happy.”

“Then why did you agree to it in the first place?”

“My mother,” Emma said with a frown. “She was so happy. So excited. It’s one reason why I left because I was so _tired_ of trying to please everyone, especially her when I knew I wasn’t happy at all. I wasn’t happy for a long time.”

“And now?”

“Now?” Emma grinned dopily. “You make me happy. You know, I knew when I told you that he proposed that you weren’t happy for me, for us.”

“Your silly little superpower went off, didn’t it?”

“Ding, yes it did. I was too afraid to call you on it, though. I didn’t think you felt the same. I actually convinced myself that you would never feel the same way.”

“Idiot.”

“I wanted you to say something then,” Emma admitted lightly. “I was really, really hoping that you would, but you never said a word. A week later you were convincing me not to marry him. You kind of gave up, didn’t you?”

“Well, I’m glad you never did in the end,” Regina said with a sigh of relief that was a little bit exaggerated. “How different life would’ve ended up if you had.”

“I can’t even imagine what my life would’ve been if I had stayed and married him.” Emma grew quiet again and Regina could see her thoughts racing through her mind and unable to voice them just yet. “Should I have told him about Hope?”

“What do you think would’ve happened if you did?”

“I think we would’ve struggled,” Emma replied honestly. “Were you ready for me then?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“I wasn’t ready for you,” she whispered. “And when I found out I was pregnant with Hope, I was so sure you’d never want me if you knew I had his baby.”

“Were you ready for me when I found you in London?”

“Not at first. Why do you think I ran? I didn’t think you’d find me.”

“I used magic.”

“I know.”

“Did you know London had magic almost as strong as Storybrooke?”

Emma shook her head. “No, not until I had her,” she said and she ran her fingers through her hair. It was a little longer now than it’d been when she first came back, but Regina had learned to love the short length. Most of all, she loved that she was back to being blonde again. She always did have a thing for blondes. “I like to think we fell in love that week,” Emma said after a long moment between them. “Didn’t we?”

“We did,” Regina agreed with a smile curling over her lips. “In a way, it wasn’t really a second chance for us, it was our first real chance. No distractions, no curses, no magic, no villains, no annoying mother’s meddling in your life, and no filthy pirates trying to steal you away for himself.”

“And now? Is this our second chance, Regina?”

“If you want to be technical, Emma, this is our third.”

“Third time’s the charm,” Emma grinned and she pulled Regina in for a kiss as they sat there at the top of the stairs.

“That it is, indeed.”


	18. Chapter 18

AUGUST

Regina made sure this year that Zelena did not go behind her back and buy Henry what he really wanted for his birthday and that was that damned motorcycle the neighbor down the street was selling. She nagged her sister daily, grilling her and threatening her especially hard when Henry even so much as hinted at the fact that he wanted that motorcycle.

Henry had saved up everything he could that didn’t go into his car, and he had saved almost seven grand for that motorcycle over the last year. He even took lessons; which Regina didn’t find out about until a few days before his birthday when he came home with a motorcycle license as he’d just passed the test. It was even more of a heavier worry on Regina than when he’d first gotten his permit to drive. And that was just a license to drive a car!

She was still a nervous wreck every time she even thought about her son driving. It didn’t matter that she knew for a fact that he was a very good driver, she was his mother and she was allowed to worry endlessly if she wanted to.

But then she found out that Emma had taken him to get it even after Regina was very adamant that Henry was _not_ allowed to even get his motorcycle license until he was eighteen. Needless to say, Emma spent the night on the couch in the den as Regina was pissed, royally pissed of at her. Henry apologized first the next morning when he’d come down for breakfast, convincing her that it was his fault entirely and that he convinced his other mother to take him for the test.

He bribed her, Regina found out from Emma much later that day when she came trudging into her office with a slice of pie from the diner to apologize. He bribed her with doing her chores for a month if she took him and she had graciously accepted. Of course she did. Emma hated doing her share of work around the house and if there was one thing that Regina did actually loathe about her, it was her laziness.

**_Did your mother ever clean when you two lived in New York?_ **

It was sent without much thought and Henry, she knew, was at the beach with his friends and probably wouldn’t get her text until later. She was surprised when he responded almost ten minutes later.

**_Neat freak of the worst kind sometimes._ **

**_Worse than you._ **

**_Ma forgot to take the garbage out this morning, did she?_ **

**_How did you know?_ **

**_Lol._ **

**_I got to go. TTYL. Love you._ **

**_Love you too. Be safe._ **

Regina was working from home the day before Henry’s seventeenth birthday. She needed a break from the office and most of the work she could do anywhere, really. Without any distractions or the office phone ringing or Marjorie around, Regina had finished her work well before lunch-time.

Regina couldn’t remember when exactly, but it was shortly after Snow’s death that the background on her work computer had been changed to the picture they’d taken at Christmas. There’d been a few times when she just sat there and stared at it, remembering that night so very clearly. It was a wonderful memory, one she would cherish always, but with it came the thought that Emma should’ve been there. Those thoughts, randomly over little things, were becoming the norm. It made her angry still because she knew that Emma had been trying to get back home by Christmas and never made it.

There were still so many questions she wanted to ask Emma, but there was never a right time for some of them. Emma still had walls up and so did she, so when they did finally really talk about things, they opened up, little by little. But, she also still saw that fear in Emma’s eyes once in a while, usually when the whole family was together, and she knew Emma was still fighting not to run again.

The clouds rolled in mid-afternoon and Regina had finished the chores around the house that Emma and Henry hadn’t done over the last couple of days. Hope was at the babysitter’s, Emma had taken her that morning to give Regina a break.

_“Technically you are still working all day. You can’t do both, Regina.”_

Yet she had done both, a long time ago when Henry was that young, but she let Emma take her without saying a word. She’d been a little careful around her in little moments like that and she’d lain awake the other night because Emma slept on the couch and she wasn’t sure if she’d wake up in the morning to find her gone.

She needed to get out of the house and she slipped on a pair of comfortable tennis shoes and headed out the door to take a walk. She could smell the rain in the air by the time she made it to the end of the street and she didn’t turn back, she just headed towards Main Street and to the diner.

A shred of disappointment crept into her stomach as she walked past the people out on the patio and didn’t see Emma as she almost expected to find her there on her lunch break and acting completely ridiculous while spying on the tourists. She hid her disappointment well, as always, smiling at those familiar faces in the crowd of people at the diner.

“Hey!” Ruby waved over at her excitedly. “Hey, Regina!”

“Hello, Ruby, how was your trip?” Regina asked with a smile as she walked over to where Ruby and Dorothy were sitting by the window. “Did you just get back?”

“Home, we just got home, not back,” Ruby chuckled and she reached over for Dorothy’s hand, smiling lovingly at her. “We’re moving back to Storybrooke!”

“That’s wonderful.” Unexpected, too, as she’d heard more than a few times that neither of them wanted to settle down anywhere. “Welcome home, ladies.”

“We’re getting married,” Ruby said and she smiled brighter. Regina looked over at Dorothy who only had eyes for her. It was almost sickening really and she paused for a moment, wondering if she and Emma ever looked like that when they were together. “It’s not until the end of September,” Ruby continued as Regina looked down at the ring on the hand Ruby was holding out for her. “I’d like you to be in the wedding, Regina.”

“You want me to be in the wedding?” Regina blinked in surprise. “Why?”

“We only want family there,” Dorothy said. “Just family. We need two witnesses. We’re going to ask Emma to be the other.”

“Have you seen her?” Ruby asked. “I thought for sure she’d be here by now. Granny said she sits out there like a stupid dork in her sunglasses and spies on the tourists every day around this time.”

Regina snorted. “I was expecting to find her here too,” she said and Ruby patted the empty chair beside her. “I should head home. I only stopped in to see if she was here and it’s about to rain.”

“If you see her, tell her to call me!” Ruby said and Regina nodded, waving at the two before she walked out the door.

Regina walked a little out of the way, walking down to the sheriff’s station to see if Emma’s car was there. Sure enough, the yellow Bug was parked out front. She’d only just started driving it again as her parents had kept it for her and it sat in storage for over a year. The two cruisers, the only two in town, weren’t in the lot and Regina turned around, heading back home.

She groaned as one fat raindrop fell on top of her head, followed by another, and then a sudden torrential downpour. She could hear squealing laughter as people ran across the street to their cars or inside shops to escape the rain. She didn’t run. She didn’t even flinch. She just started to laugh as the rain continued to fall.

“Need a ride?” A man called out from where he stopped in his car just across the street.

“No!” Regina called out, waving him off. “No, thank you!”

“Suit yourself!”

Regina pushed her wet hair back and laughed again before she finally moved from that spot. The laughter soon turned to a low growl as she muttered to herself, walking in the pouring rain, now shivering as the temperature had dropped considerably. A siren whooped from behind her and she stopped on the sidewalk and turned around incredulously to see that the lights were on and Emma was sitting in the cruiser grinning like a complete idiot.

“I’d offer you a ride, pretty lady, but I have a boss that’ll ride my ass so hard if I ruin the seats in here. I’ll probably even get fired if she finds out it came from a hot, wet, sexy woman, too,” she chuckled as she rolled down the window and pulled up alongside the curb. Regina was not amused. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

“What are you doing out here?”

“I went for a walk.”

“I see that. Where are you going?”

“Home, which is where I am going to go right now. Don’t you have a job to do?”

“Just get in the car, Regina,” Emma said. “I’ll deal with Mayor Hot Pants and whatever punishment she deems fit. Just get in the car and let me drive you home.”

Emma liked to play those teasing games all the time now, testing her, pushing her to her limits of what she could actually take from her. And that wasn’t even including what it’d started to be like in the bedroom, either. Normally she’d go along with them, but she wasn’t in the mood for that, her good mood gone with the rain that still fell hard.

She was miserable. And cold. And wet. “I’m not in the mood,” she said flippantly. “And you are right about one thing, Sheriff Swan, your boss _will_ ride your ass hard if you ruin the seats in that car.”

“Okay,” Emma said with a shrug, driving along slowly as Regina began to walk home. “Are you still mad at me?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Another shrug. “So, you’re mad at me. I don’t care. Please, just get in the car and I’ll drive you home. You can sit on my jacket if you’re really that worried about ruining the seats.”

“Fine.”

Regina got into the car a minute later in a huff and she tried to stop shivering as Emma turned the AC off for her. Emma didn’t move from the curb, though, and Regina just turned to her and raised a questionable eyebrow.

“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered. “I know I shouldn’t have done it, but the way I saw it at the time, Regina, was that if he knew how to ride one properly and practiced with an instructor and everything, he’d be a lot safer when he did finally get his own bike.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry about letting our son bribe me like that, too.”

“It isn’t much of a good bribe if our son doesn’t keep up with his own chores, is it?”

“No, not really,” Emma laughed. “Will you still love me anyway?”

_Yes. Always_.

Regina leaned over to kiss her, the kiss saying more than words ever could. “Why is your car so damn cold?” Regina asked, unable to fight the chill that shuddered through her body suddenly. “Take me home, Sheriff Swan.”

Emma laughed and pulled away from the curb. “Yes, ma’am.”

She left the lights on and whooped the siren once more. Somehow, Emma being _Emma_ put Regina back into that good, lighthearted mood she’d been in earlier.

And the sheriff of Storybrooke did one thing she did best, she took a two-hour lunch.

[X]

Just after midnight, Regina woke up to a tentative knock on the bedroom door. Emma sat up with her and Henry opened the door slowly, being a little overly melodramatic as he peaked through his fingers.

“Moms?” he asked. “I don’t think Hope is feeling too good. She’s crying, well, not really crying but whimpering. It woke me up.”

Emma turned the bedside light on and picked up the baby monitor that sat beside it. As soon as Regina heard Emma’s groan, she knew she’d forgotten to turn it on again before they’d gone to sleep.

“Thanks, kid,” Emma said and she grumbled as she slipped out of bed. “Ashley did say she was pretty tired today. I should go see. Go back to sleep, okay?”

Regina nodded, though she didn’t go back to sleep and she waited for Emma to come back to bed after checking on the baby. Henry hovered in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, and he just grinned cheekily at his mother in bed.

“It’s my birthday.”

“Technically, yes.”

“It’s ten after twelve, aka, my birthday,” Henry laughed.

“Happy birthday, dear.”

“Thank you. It’s like you gotta work around here to get a compliment or even a simple birthday wish.” Henry laughed again but it faded as Emma rushed out of Hope’s room. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

“She’s running a fever,” she said as she carried the baby into the bedroom. “Regina, I think we need to go to the hospital. She’s really burning up.”

Regina reached out to take Hope from Emma’s arms and pressed her lips to the baby’s clammy and _hot_ forehead. “Yes,” she said quickly. “She needs to go to the hospital.”

“Is she okay?” Henry asked from the doorway as Emma grabbed a pair of jeans out of her drawer. “Moms?”

“She’s running a fever,” Regina said, remaining as calm as she could. She knew from experience that panicking was only going to make the baby more upset. “She’ll be fine. Henry, please go back to bed.”

“Hell no, I’m coming with you guys,” he said and he was off, running down the hall to his room to get dressed.

“She’s never been sick,” Emma said as she pulled off her shorts and quickly pulled her jeans on. Regina placed Hope gently down on the middle of the bed before she stood up and was dressed with a snap of her fingers. “Cheater.”

“Hurry up,” Regina said as she picked the baby back up. “Henry, grab the keys! You’re driving!”

They were at the hospital in under three minutes thanks to Emma who had wrangled the keys out of Henry’s hand when they rushed out of the house and broke every law speeding all the way to the hospital in Henry’s car.

The influx of tourists in Storybrooke meant the emergency room was always busy. Idiot tourists drinking themselves stupid and landing themselves in the ER because of that very stupidity. Regina was holding the baby, she hadn’t let go of her since she’d picked her up off the bed, and she walked up to the registration desk impatiently.

“She’s running a high fever,” Regina said to the nurse who barely even looked up at them. “She needs to see a doctor now.”

“You and the other thirty people waiting, ma’am. Fill out this form, return it, then I will get you a number and you will take a seat and wait to be called.”

“This is absurd!” Regina exclaimed and Emma hurried up behind her. “I demand to—”

“Sorry, we’ll fill these out,” Emma apologized to the nurse and she grabbed the clipboard off the counter. “Come on, Regina, let’s get this form filled out. Come.”

“She’s very sick, Emma, they can’t make us wait until they’ve seen all these buffoons who decided it was a good idea to jump off a cliff!”

“Regina,” Emma said and her voice was patient and calm. “That’s not how it works, okay? Come on, let’s go sit down and fill these out. The sooner we do that, the sooner we have a chance to see a doctor.”

“I am the mayor of this town. Our daughter—” Regina stopped short as the words just came out. “Your daughter should not have to wait to see a doctor.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t work like that in the real world, Regina,” Emma chuckled lightly and she urged her over to the row of chairs where Henry was waiting for them. “They have to prioritize their patients; sickest ones always get seen first. We might not even have to wait much longer, okay?”

“When Henry was sick or hurt himself and I brought him here, we never had to wait. I brought him straight to Dr. Whale.”

Emma started to fill out the form and stopped as laughter spilled out. “You were living during a curse then, babe, of course he’s gonna be seen first. Who else ever came to the ER during the first curse anyway? Didn’t you have to relive each day over and over again?”

“It wasn’t anything like Groundhog Day, Emma,” Regina snapped, taking a stab at what was one of Emma and Henry’s favorite movies. She hated it. Probably because, when she did think about it, life during the curse before Henry was very much like it. “You need to fill out everything,” Regina said as she pointed at the few missing lines Emma had skipped.

“She doesn’t have a last name.”

“Pardon?” Regina asked, leaning in as she’d strained to hear what Emma mumbled under her breath. “Emma?”

“Hope, she doesn’t have a last name. I didn’t know what to put on her birth certificate and I was told if I didn’t know who the father was she could take mine, but they thought I was someone else and I never got around to getting that done. Not officially.”

“Will it even matter if it is official or not?” Regina asked. “Just put yours down. She is your daughter after all. It’s not as if they’re going to question that. It’s just some silly, nonsense form that doesn’t matter much in the end anyway.”

But it did matter. Regina knew that. Swan was a name that Emma had picked for herself. It wasn’t the family name. It was hers and hers alone. Emma had told her as much once, a long time ago, and the story of how she went from being a nobody to becoming Emma Swan.

“I’m sorry,” Regina whispered as Emma continued to fill the form out, leaving the spot at the top of the page blank next to the surname. “I—”

“It’s fine,” Emma said tightly and she tapped the pen on the edge of the clipboard for a moment before smiling and scribbling down something next to the spot beside the surname. “There. Done. Let me just run this up there and get that number.”

“Do you think we’ll have to wait too long?” Henry asked when Emma came back a few minutes later with a little ticket in her hand. “At least she’s sleeping now.”

Regina looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms and sighed. She was still running a fever and it was quite high, but she wasn’t whimpering or crying anymore. She’d cried herself out as she usually did and Regina ran her fingers over her damp curls and sighed heavily, wishing there was something she could do to soothe the baby’s fever instantly.

Twenty minutes passed before a nurse escorted them to a private bed to wait for the doctor. Dr. Whale came in a mere few minutes after Regina had sat down on the gurney still holding the baby in her arms and he frowned as he put his clipboard down and instructed Regina to lay the baby down.

“What can you tell me?” Dr. Whale asked as he began to check over hope. “She’s running a high fever. Anything else?”

“That’s it, we think,” Emma shrugged. “Woke up not too long ago and she was crying and hot. She sounds a little wheezy, too, doesn’t she, Regina?”

Dr. Whale listed off a host of questions that only Emma was able to answer when it came to Hope’s medical history, her diet, schedule, and changes in behavior. Regina stood right by Hope’s side as the doctor continued to observe her and she stroked one hand lightly over the top of Hope’s head while holding Emma’s hand with the other.

The doctor asked to keep the baby in for observation for the next couple of hours, just to make sure her fever would come down and they’d give her something that would help. Regina sent Henry home, convincing him everything was all right and that he could come back in the morning for them. Regina found the wing they moved Hope to for observation easily and joined Emma in the second chair that had been placed beside the bed.

“She has bruises,” Emma whispered. “I saw them when the nurses undressed her.”

“Bruises?” Regina looked over at the baby in the bed wearing only a diaper and had some wires hooked up to her to monitor her vitals. “Where, Emma?”

“Down her back,” she replied. “They’re faint but they’re there. Do you think she hurt herself and we didn’t know?”

“Absolutely. I’m sure it is nothing to worry about. I sent Henry home. He’ll be back for us in the morning.”

“Okay.”

It wasn’t until a couple of hours later and sometime not long after she had dozed off, Regina felt the magic in the air. It was familiar, but not quite, and it pulled her out of the odd dream she was having of running after chickens in her backyard. The ward was dimly lit and she could only faintly see the last wisps of magic that floated up from the bed as her eyes blinked open.

Beside her, Emma was snoring lightly, her neck at an awkward angle as she slouched in the chair and had her arms crossed over her chest. It was faint, like the magic she’d just felt, but she could feel that buzz she always felt when she was near her. Regina chalked that buzz she’d felt that’d woken her up to Emma’s magic, as she always felt it more when Emma was dreaming and she stretched out in the chair, groaning quietly at the slight twinge in her lower back.

The entire floor was quiet as Regina went for a short walk to stretch out her sore, aching muscles and only a few nurses were on duty, one lifting a finger to shush at her when she walked past the nurses’ station. She wasn’t gone long though, returning to the chair beside Hope’s bed and beside Emma who was still storing lightly, her nearly resting on her shoulder.

Then she felt it again, that faint buzz in the air of nothing but pure magic, and it still felt familiar but not quite. It felt like Emma, but it wasn’t, there was something else there too. Everyone had their own magical signature and each one was unique in itself.

Regina’s eyes followed the small wisps of magic as she saw them fluttering around the room and then the few lights that were on in the ward began to flicker, first just a little and then they flickered faster until there was an odd buzzing now and the lights went out completely. It was only dark for two or three seconds, but when they flickered back on, she focused on the shimmer that had settled around Hope’s body.

“Emma.”

Regina reached blindly over at her, unable to take her eyes of what was happening just a few feet in front of her.

“Emma,” she tried again, nudging at her shoulder. “Emma, wake up!”

Emma stirred beside her, muttering quietly as she sat up in the chair. “What is it?” she asked sleeping. “Is Hope—”

“Look. Something is happening.”

Something magical.

Something so unbelievable that Regina wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes. She needed Emma to be seeing it with her too just so she knew for certain it was all so very real.

Neither could move, all they could do was just grab on to each other and watch as Hope’s body slowly transformed under a soft shimmer of magic. Regina’s first instinct was to put a stop to whatever magic was happening, but she felt deep down that whatever was happening, it wasn’t a threat or even something she could fight.

“What the fu—”

“Momma?” Hope’s voice whispered quietly. “Gigi?”

“Regina,” Emma said carefully as she turned her head to look at Regina but she could not take her eyes off of her daughter. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“I believe so.”

“Because what I’m seeing is what looks like a child and not my baby girl. Am I still dreaming or are you playing a trick on me? That’s not my daughter, is it?” Emma sounded so skeptical and Regina was feeling a little of it herself too.

“Momma?”

“Hope?” Emma whispered and she slipped forward on the chair, sitting right on the edge, the grip on Regina’s hard tightening as the child sat up in the little bed and confusedly rubbed at her eyes. “Hope, is that you?”

“Yes, Momma. Hi, Gigi.”

[X]

It wasn’t long before the discovery of Hope aging several years spread like wildfire throughout the hospital staff. Dr. Whale, who had gone home for the night hours before, showed up half-asleep and as confused and baffled as everyone else.

Regina argued that tests were pointless as it was clear as day this was a magical problem and not some medical mystery. Still, Hope was in the hospital for almost the entire day and Henry spent his seventeenth birthday, and spent the afternoon trying to entertain his now four-year-old sister while everyone scrambled to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Dr. Whale released Hope that evening as there was no reason to keep her there in the hospital. Every test he ran came back normal and even the fever was gone and the bruises Emma had seen on her back before had become virtually nonexistent.

The most curious thing about it all was that just twenty-four hours earlier, Hope was speaking in mostly baby babble and a handful of words and now she was speaking like an actual child. It was mind-boggling as Regina was unfamiliar with what kind of magic, what kind of a spell or a curse, could cause a child to age over three years in a matter of minutes.

“This is fucking wild,” Emma murmured quietly as she stood by Regina in the doorway to the den and watched as Hope walked over to the sofa, pulled herself up and sat down. Henry walked past them, running a hand over his head and he shrugged before walking over to sit beside his little sister. “What happened, Regina?”

“I do not know.”

“We need to find out. What if this is, I don’t know, something big,” Emma said and they were careful to keep their voices quiet. “We need to find out what caused this.”

“I agree.”

“Gold?”

“Yes. Unfortunately.”

Regina truly did not want to go see the former Dark One, but it was unlike any magic that she knew of and they were so very desperate for answers. Gold could have the answers they were looking for, she was certain of it. They needed his vast magical knowledge and in order to do that, Regina had to pay him a visit. She did it for Emma. She did it for Hope. She drove out to Gold’s mansion and tentatively rang the doorbell after pacing on the front porch for the better part of five minutes. Belle let her in, her baby Finn nestled firmly in her arms as she sat by Gold’s chair in the den.

Regina wasn’t quite sure how to bring it up. Gold hardly meddled in their affairs those days and ever since he and Belle’s son had been born, he’d taken up the role of a dedicated family man and full-time father.

“Regina,” he smiled warmly at her. “What can I do for you today, dearie?”

“Would you like a cup of tea?” Belle asked and Regina shook her head no with a polite smile. “All right. I’m going to go get supper started, Rumple. If you need me, just call.”

“Thank you, Belle,” Gold smiling lovingly at her and he turned to Regina as soon as his wife had walked out of the room. “When I spoke to Henry earlier, he mentioned that you were all at the hospital. Is the little one all right?”

“She’s…fine,” Regina said tentatively. “relatively.”

“Relatively?” he chuckled lightly. “What do you mean?”

“She’s aged.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Magically,” Regina clarified. “Hope has aged magically. Emma and I watched it happen in the middle of the night last night.”

“Interesting.”

“It isn’t interesting, Gold,” she snapped and she was so tired, so very tired as it had been what felt like the longest day ever. “What kind of magic is capable of doing something like that? I looked through my books, I did my research, and I found nothing.”

“And now you are here,” he concluded as he folded his hands casually over his lap.

“Is this a spell? A curse?”

“No.”

“Do you know what this could be?”

“I would need to see the baby, Regina, before I come to any conclusions, but I do have a few suspicions of just what this may be. I don’t want to jump to anything until I know for certain. Where is the littlest Swan now?”

“She is not a baby, Gold, she looks to be about four years old.”

“Interesting indeed.”

It was the same thing he said no more than twenty minutes later after they’d made the drive back to the house on Mifflin Street. During the drive over to the house, Gold explained that there were two possible scenarios. One, it could be a spell or some kind of a curse and the good news was, if it was, he’d be able to sense it and identify it and maybe even possibly reverse it. The other, he wouldn’t say what it was specifically because he was very adamant about not jumping to conclusions.

Regina knew he was keeping the full truth from her. She knew him quite well, she’d trained under him as a young witch after all, and she knew the man could see the future even if it wasn’t always too clear. He knew she was coming before she even arrived at his door and he had the gall to act as if he’d been surprised to see her.

“Gold,” Emma said as he walked slowly towards where she was standing, still in the same spot that Regina had left her. “What’s happened to her?”

“If I could have just a moment alone with the child, I can find out for you. May I?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Gold,” Emma said, standing her ground. Regina knew Emma didn’t trust him, not really. Nobody did. “Whatever you have to say or do to my child, I am going to be right here for all of it.”

“Very well, dearie,” he sighed and he walked into the den, smiling down at the young girl sitting on the sofa, eyes intensely watching the cartoon that was playing on the television. “Hello, Hope.”

“Hello.”

“How are you feeling today?”

“Good. You?” Hope replied without missing a beat and Regina joined Emma in the doorway, watching the scene unfold before their very eyes in wonder. “You are Rumplestiltskin, aren’t you?”

“I am, dearie. However did you know that?”

“I met you once. At Grandma’s funeral.”

“I don’t believe we have met quite like this,” he chuckled lightly. He cast a quick glance back at Emma and Regina before turning his attention back to the little girl that was now wearing some of Henry’s old clothes as she quite obviously couldn’t wear her baby clothes anymore. “How old are you, Hope?”

“I’m four,” she said as she held up four fingers for him and smiled. “How old are you?”

“I’m very, very old,” he said, chuckling again and he motioned to the sofa beside her. “May I sit here with you for a moment, Hope? I’d like to talk to you.”

“Okay.”

“Do you remember what happened yesterday by any chance?”

“I wasn’t feeling good,” she said with a frown. “My tummy hurt. I felt really, really hot.”

“Do you remember anything else?”

“I remember going to the hospital,” she replied with a small nod and she looked over at Emma and Regina, smiling at them. “Momma and Gigi were so scared. Gigi got mad at the nurse there.” Hope let out a small giggle and covered her mouth with her hands as she looked up at him with wide eyes. “It was really funny.”

Regina glared at Emma when a small giggle slipped out of her mouth. “Not a word, Emma,” she warned her. “It was not funny.”

“it was kind of funny,” Emma muttered quietly. “What? It was.”

“Do you remember what happened late last night?” Gold asked, using the information that Regina had given to him to ask his questions. “Do you remember waking up feeling, I don’t know, maybe feeling a little bit strange? Odd?”

“No. When I woke up, I was four and I felt better again.”

“How do you know that you are four, dearie?”

“Because I wanted to be four. I wished for it and then it happened,” Hope replied simply. “I was tired of being a little baby still. Growing up takes for _ever_.”

“You wished for it?” Gold thrummed his fingers against his knee and then cast another glance over at Emma and Regina. “Interesting indeed.”

“Momma and Gigi are scared, like last night,” Hope whispered but Regina could hear her, loud and clear. “Tell them they don’t need to be scared, okay?”

“All right, dearie, I will. Well,” he said and he got up from the sofa slowly. “I should go speak with your mother. She is awfully worried.”

“Okay. Bye, Rumplestiltskin!”

“Goodbye, Hope.”

Gold motioned for the two women to follow him and they went into the study, shutting the door behind them. Gold looked down at his cane and he gripped the handle a little too tightly before he looked at both of them expectantly.

“She is wonderfully gifted,” he stated. “Her magic is strong. I’m surprised that neither of you has picked up on that yet.” Gold chuckled at the dumbfounded look on Emma’s face and then nodded at the one of understanding that he saw in Regina’s gaze. “I have never seen anything quite like it, though it not completely unheard of. This isn’t a spell or some kind of a curse cast upon her.”

“What is it?”

“A wish she made for herself.”

“She was a baby,” Emma stated. “A baby, Gold. How could she make a wish when she could barely even talk in full sentences yesterday?”

“She’s incredibly gifted, Emma, not just magically. She thought her wish into existence and made it happen. It’s as simple as that. There is nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about?” Regina was about to lose it on him. Of course it was something to worry about, Emma had a child who could _think_ things into existence, even if that meant becoming a four-year-old child because she _wanted_ to. “How do you know for certain nobody did this to her?”

“The only magical signature that I picked up on was Hope’s and, Regina, it is quite powerful. You can feel it, can’t you?” Gold asked. “You’ve been mistaking it as something else, as another feeling,” he said knowingly. “Ask her who her father is and she won’t tell you.”

“Her father is—”

“That is who you believe it to be because it makes the most sense, doesn’t it, but the pirate is _not_ her father. Hope was born of incredibly powerful magic. She was born not by the seed of man, but by the seed of the very thing she is named after. She thought herself into existence and that is how she was conceived.”

“A magical baby?” Emma snorted in disbelief. “Okay. Okay, Gold, maybe you should just get back home and keep smoking those ‘magical’ herbs I know you keep around.”

“Believe what you may,” he said lowly as he walked up to Emma. “I know when it comes to believing, it is incredibly hard for you, Emma Swan, but deep down, I think you know that what I’ve told you is nothing but the absolute truth.” A beat and he turned to look at Regina with a small smile. “I’ll return later with Henry’s gift. I know he’s been expecting me. Tell him I’ll be by shortly.”

“I will, thank you, Gold,” Regina said and she watched as he disappeared in a cloud of smoke and she turned to Emma before the last little wisps of Gold’s magic had faded away. “A _magical_ baby. That is what Hope is?” she asked incredulously and Emma, frowning, shrugged her shoulders lamely. “A magical baby?”

“That is what he said,” Emma said quietly. “A baby born from…hope?” Emma furrowed her brow in frustration. “Does that mean I had something to do with this too?”

“You choose right now to ask that question _after_ he just left?” Regina groaned and she glanced at her liquor cabinet with a deep frown. She really could use a very strong drink right now and there wasn’t a drop in the house. “This could be very dangerous.”

“What? Hope?” Emma asked and Regina nodded. “She’s just a…well, she’s a four-year-old now apparently, but she is still just a _child_ , Regina. I doubt she did this with some kind of cruel and evil intentions.”

There was a soft thump and Regina looked over at her desk. There, with small wisps of Gold’s magic just dissipating in the air, was a rather large and old leather-wrapped book sitting neatly beside Regina’s laptop. Regina picked it up and ran her fingers over the lettering on the cover as it was in a language that had no name, one she had not seen in a very long, long time.

Just inside the first page was a small post-it, and gods she was really starting to hate those tiny little papers with a furious passion.

_This may hold some answers you have going forward. Best of luck. – R_

“Moms?” Henry was at the door, peeking his head in a little. “What’s going on?”

“Looks like your mom has a lot of reading to do, kid,” Emma said as she looked at the book Regina held in her hands. “It’s okay. We got everything under control.”

“And Hope?” Henry looked worried. “Is she…under control, too?”

“Let’s hope she is, kid,” Emma sighed. “Or we’re in big trouble.”


	19. Chapter 19

SEPTEMBER

In a land filled with powerful magic, anything was possible, but as Regina learned—and saw with her very own eyes—even the impossible could become real. It shouldn’t have been real, but they were in Storybrooke after all, and, as Zelena had put it, stranger things have happened to them in the past and this was no different.

Except that it wasn’t the same either because they were dealing with one powerful four-year-old little girl who was twice as smart as any other child her age. Emma called it her ‘wish-age’ because, in reality, Hope was still only a fifteen-month-old baby in terms of the actual time she’d been alive.

It should’ve been alarming in a way, mostly in the way that it happened, but it didn’t seem to change the way life continued to unfold. It just seemed to go on. They saw it happen, they looked and found answers—and a temporary solution to subdue Hope’s magic until she was older—and life just continued on, hardly missing a beat.

The book that appeared after Gold’s initial assessment of what happened with Hope did not provide much more information, at least not anything that wasn’t steeped in myth. Hope was one of a kind, a magical being so rare, Regina wondered how long it’d be until they were facing their next world-ending crisis. The book was useful in the fact that it had a simple spell that would keep any of Hope’s wishes from manifesting into reality. But the problem was, it was a spell that had ingredients that were next to impossible for Regina to get her hands on and they learned all too well and all too fast just how strong Hope’s magic really was.

Barely a week after it had happened, Regina overheard Hope chattering excitedly with Henry one morning about puppies. The child’s current fascination was with puppies. Regina’s hair stood up on the back of her neck as soon as she heard Hope’s wish for a puppy of her own and then the faint bark of a little dog nearby.

It didn’t stop there. And they kept the puppy, too, much to Regina’s dismay. Even she wasn’t immune to the chocolate lab’s big and adorable puppy-dog eyes. No, after the dog came the little things like extra juice at dinner when she was told no to a third glass or an Astro bar that appeared shortly after she was explicitly told she couldn’t have while they were in line at the grocery store.

Regina knew why she was so distant with the little girl in the beginning and it wasn’t because she had thought it was _his_ child. It had been Hope’s magic, so powerful and so familiar and different at the same time that she did not know how to react to it at all. It was different now.

There was a total of eleven ingredients for the spell to subdue Hope’s magic and Regina had two of them in her spice cabinet and three stored in her vault. Gold had two of them stored in his own vault but only agreed to hand them over once Regina acquired the rest of them first. He warned her that if it wasn’t done right, she risked chaos and mayhem and the very probability she may end up losing her own magic.

Zelena tried to help, though her knowledge of magic wasn’t as vast or extended much beyond that realm, but she did manage to find one of the last few ingredients for the spell online, on Amazon of all places.

“Wishes are very powerful things, Hope,” Regina explained to her one afternoon as she sat with the young girl and watched the puppy run and stumble around on the grass. “We must be very careful with them.”

“Why? Aren’t wishes a good thing?”

“Yes, but they aren’t always good, dear,” she said softly. “Some people use wishes for things that aren’t…as good.”

“Why?”

“Does Charlie always behave?” Regina asked and they both looked over at the puppy trying to attack a stick twice her size. “No, sometimes she’s very naughty, isn’t she?”

“But she’s just a puppy, Gigi. She doesn’t know any better.”

“Exactly. People who make bad wishes, they know better and they still do it anyway. Their wishes don’t help people, they hurt people. Do you understand, Hope?”

“Am I bad, Gigi?”

“No.” Her heart broke at the crestfallen look in Hope’s bright brown eyes. “You aren’t bad, my sweet girl.”

“Henry said bad wishes are curses and curses are bad.”

“Yes, they are. Sometimes.” Regina watched the young girl beckon the puppy away from the stick and scooped her up. “Not everyone who makes wishes have them come true,” she tried and Hope looked up at her with wide eyes. “You’re very special, Hope. When you make a wish, it comes true.”

“I know. That’s why Charlie is here now.”

“Have you…made any other wishes? Maybe ones that nobody knows about yet?”

Hope snuggled the puppy to her chest and frowned. “Maybe,” she whispered. “I wished that Charlie would listen to me better. I don’t think it worked, Gigi.”

“When did you wish for that, dear?”

“Just now.”

“I think Charlie listens to you just fine without needing to make a wish, Hope.” Regina reached out to pet the puppy and smiled at the two of them. “She’s already getting so big, isn’t she?” she asked and Hope nodded before nuzzling her face into the puppy’s soft fur again. “Hope? Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“No wishes.”

“None, not even little ones.”

“But why, Gigi?”

“You, my girl, have some very powerful magic inside of you. Until you can learn how to handle it and be responsible with it, there will be rules.”

“Fine.”

Hope was so much like Emma in a lot of ways and one of them was her stubbornness. Regina never failed to notice the similarities between mother and daughter and it never failed to amaze her just how alike they really were. Of course, Hope was her own person, too. With every day that passed and the more time that Regina spent with her, she loved her more and more until her heart felt impossibly full.

And Hope never failed to surprise her in so many different little ways.

Emma had mentioned at the beginning of the month when Henry went back to school that Hope was technically old enough to start pre-school. It didn’t start until the end of September so they had a few weeks to go. It gave them a few weeks to get the last of the ingredients for the spell to dampen her magic and to make it safe for her to be around other children and people.

Regina was in the kitchen later that evening, finishing up the dishes alone as Henry claimed to have homework and Emma went into the den to play with Hope and the puppy before it was bedtime. She was growing increasingly frustrated with the lack of being able to easily acquire the last ingredient that it was beginning to look and feel hopeless that they’d ever find it.

A sliver of a thousand-year-old wizard’s wand. Where the _hell_ were they going to find that? Gold, as vast as his collection was in his vault, did not possess a wand that old, was on the hunt for it too, but he suggested they find another solution because where the _hell_ were they going to find a thousand-year-old wizard’s wand without jumping through several portals and possibly even having to travel back in time to get one.

A knock on the back door made her jump and nearly drop the plate she was rinsing and she groaned as she turned the water off and dried her hands on her apron as she made her way to the back door.

“Most people use the front door,” Regina said drolly as she opened it to find Maleficent standing on the other side. “Hello, Mal, what are you doing here?”

“I had the most curious conversation with Rumplestiltskin this morning,” she said and she motioned to the door. “May I come in for a minute, Regina? Trust me, you’ll want to hear all about this.”

“I’m not in the mood for any of your stories, Mal, so whatever it is, please get straight to the point,” Regina said and she let Maleficent walk inside and she shut the door behind her. “What is it?”

“I found your wizard’s wand,” she said lightly and Regina’s eyes went wide. “I know, I know, you’ve been searching for weeks with no such luck, but as _my_ luck would have it, I met a man, a wizard, in London two years ago and luckily we kept in touch.”

“You found the wand? The wand belonging to a thousand-year-old wizard that you met in London two years ago?” Regina asked incredulously. “Where is it?”

“Bob wants to meet her, the baby, the tyke with the most powerful magic this realm and all the others has ever encountered.”

“His name is Bob?”

“He’ll be arriving in Storybrooke tomorrow afternoon,” Mal continued. “The only catch is, he wants to see this magic for himself before he gives you a sliver from his precious ancient wand.”

“No.”

“Rumple said you were desperate,” Mal said and she shook her head. “Bob is not evil, Regina, you don’t need to worry about that. He just wants to see the magic for himself, that’s all. Perhaps you can talk to the little tyke and have her understand that she needs to make a wish that he asks of her.”

“That could be anything. It’s dangerous, Mal, and I don’t know if I can trust this thousand-year-old wizard whose name is Bob.”

“From London,” Mal laughed. “And he’s apparently a thousand and three, but he’s a bit testy about his age, so do try not to mention it when you meet him tomorrow.” Mal walked over to the refrigerator and opened it, scanning over its contents before she pulled out a bottle of Perrier. “Do you mind?” she asked and she opened it before Regina could tell her to put it back. “You can trust him. A wizard doesn’t live as long as Bob by being evil.”

“So, you’re saying he’s a good wizard? Not evil, but good?”

“I’m saying that we can trust him, Regina,” Mal said. “What time would you like me to bring him over to meet Hope?”

“Any time after four.”

“You have the rest of the ingredients already, don’t you?” Mal asked and Regina nodded. “Good. We can mix the potion for the spell together, make an evening out of it. Shall I bring some wine? I picked up the most delicious Bordeaux on my trip to Spain last month.”

“Spellcasting and good wine,” Regina laughed lightly as she gently placed a hand on Mal’s back and escorted her to the back door. “Sounds like old times, doesn’t it?”

Mal laughed as she walked out onto the back patio and she turned to Regina, winking, before she transformed into her truest form, a dragon, and flew off, disappearing beyond the horizon of the darkening sky within seconds.

It was a quiet night after that and one Regina spent sitting in a chair in the den watching Hope and Emma as they lay on the floor with the rambunctious puppy nipping at their fingers and bare toes. She didn’t tell Emma about Mal’s quick visit until they were getting ready for bed much later that night and the moment she mentioned the wizard whose name was Bob, Emma could not stop laughing.

It was kind of funny, Regina had to admit, but she was still skeptical and would remain so until Mal showed up at the front door this time the next afternoon just after four with a short and stocky man in a neatly pressed suit standing next to her. Regina had taken precautions, sending Henry off to his grandfather’s house for the evening and made him take the puppy along with him, just in case. She’d placed a protection spell on Emma, Hope, and herself.

Bob, it turned out, was a pleasant old man with a thick English accent and an affinity to chain-smoke his cigar that Regina knew had been magicked to last forever, or just about. They settled down in the dining room as Bob instructed them to place the magical being, as he called Hope, up on to the middle of the table so that he could observe.

“Why can’t he just give us a little sliver?” Emma whispered as Bob walked around the round dining room table, humming and tsking as he stared at Hope fidgeting as she tried to stay still. “Why does he have to—”

“Just be quiet,” Regina hissed at her. “Do you know how impossible it will be to find another thousand-year-old wizard who is willing to give us a sliver of his ancient wand?”

“My oh my,” the wizard laughed as he magicked a lollipop and presented it to Hope. “I have never, in all my years, seen something quite like this. Isn’t she something, Mal?”

“She sure is,” Mal replied as she raised her glass of Bordeaux. “Well, are you going to get on with it then?”

“Hope,” he said as he stared at the young girl in the middle of the table. “I want to ask you to make a wish for me. Can you do that, sweetheart?”

Hope looked over at Regina, confused. Regina nodded her head and Hope smiled at the man. “Yes, sir, I can,” she said and he laughed, clapping his hands together before he turned to the three women watching on.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a little wish. I only want to see just how powerful this being is and if she is what you claim her to be,” he said simply. He leaned forward and whispered his wish into Hope’s ear. He stepped back, nodding at the young child, before turning to face the three women again. “Don’t you worry, lovelies, it’s just a small little wish. Puny. Miniscule and not at all evil as I know you are worried about. Now, Hope, I wish for my wish to come true.”

“Momma?”

“It’s okay,” Emma said as she nodded at her daughter. “It’s just a little wish, isn’t it?”

Hope closed her eyes and whispered something under her breath. Regina could see the magic swirling in wisps around her and for a moment she was afraid of the worst. Her fears were quelled as soon as pretty pink and purple flower petals began to rain down from the ceiling and on the table around her and she laughed because she couldn’t help it. She had expected the worst and all the wizard had asked, had wished for, was a shower of flower petals in the colors he’d chosen.

“Wonderful, simply wonderful,” he said in awe and he held out a hand, his ancient wand appearing in an instant. “Such a shame to want to strip this child of her gift,” he said and he held out his other hand, a small dagger appearing and he used it to slice off a small sliver from his wand near the tip. “Though I understand your reasoning,” he added as he handed Regina the small sliver of wood. “It’s not every day you are gifted with a child born of magic, of the magic that keeps the very meaning of hope alive in all the realms.”

“How do you know that?” Regina asked because she knew there was no way this man knew that detail, she knew because she hadn’t even told Maleficent as she did not trust anyone, even her, with that information. “Who told you that?”

“Hope did,” he said as he pointed over at Hope who was giggling as she reached out for the petals that continued to fall and fluttered down around her. “Her magic did, I should say. I could see it all. I could see her conception, using the Savior’s magic, her True Love magic to come into being. I could see her when she became aware of just who, of _what_ she is, and I could see her wishes. All of them.”

“How many wishes has she made?” Mal asked and she sipped her wine as the little old wizard laughed and made his wand disappear along with the dagger. “Well?”

“Dozens of them, more than any of you even realize. Now, could you be a dear, Maleficent, and pour me a glass? I’m famished. Tell me, does that Bordeaux taste as wonderful as it smells?”

“Even better than you could ever imagine, Bob.”

[X]

Three days after they acquired the last of the ingredients and brewed the potion they needed for the spell to subdue Hope’s magic, they were all gathered around the gardens of the former convent where Ruby and Dorothy were getting married.

The spell had gone smoothly, almost a little too smoothly, and life had continued on as normal. Bob, the thousand-year-old wizard, was still in Storybrooke and Regina had spent some time with the old man the day before, grilling him over what else he knew about Hope that he wasn’t telling anyone.

_“You said she’s made more wishes than we even know. What else has she wished for?”_

_“Aren’t you curious to know more about the wishes she’s made that haven’t come true?”_

_“They don’t always come true?”_

_“No, even magic has its limits, dear, though I know you already know that.”_

Not even Hope, who harnessed some of the universe’s most powerful magic in existence, hadn’t been able to save Snow White from her ultimate and untimely death. The wizard told her that Hope had made three wishes for her grandmother to recover from her illness, and all three of them failed to manifest at all. It was the same rules as it was when it came to death as doing so would upset the balance completely.

Hope wasn’t much different than she’d been before they cast the spell, though there was a hint of sadness in her eyes that Regina saw in those quiet moments and seeing that sadness left her filled with worry that maybe they had gone about it in all the wrong ways. But, despite that, she was still a happy child, still so full of energy and life.

“Hope!” Emma yelled as she chased after her through the garden, the puppy yipping and nipping at the hem of Emma’s dress as Hope laughed and squealed and tried to hide from her mother. “Hope, stop that this instant! The ceremony is about to start!”

“Get your child under control, Savior,” Granny yelled at her from where she stood by the altar beside Ruby. “Where is that woman of yours, girl?” she asked Ruby who in turn shrugged, but she had a beaming smile on her face despite the fact that her soon-to-be wife was nowhere to found and the ceremony was due to start any moment now.

“Henry, go catch your sister and give your mother a break,” Regina said as she nudged at him. “Now, please.”

“Why don’t you just use magic to stop her?” Henry muttered and he rolled his eyes as the look Regina gave him. “What? It’d be so much easier, wouldn’t it?”

“We’re trying to set an example,” she reminded him. “We don’t want Hope to grow up thinking that it is okay to use magic for every little thing. We—Emma!” Regina yelled out her name and Emma froze in her spot, her hand extended and her daughter frozen with the magic she’d just thrown at her. “Emma, what the hell are you doing? We talked about this! We do not use magic carelessly like that!”

Regina marched over to where Emma had frozen Hope and she placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder, removing the spell instantly. “Come,” she said firmly as she grabbed a hold of Hope’s hand. “It’s time for you to behave now, sweetheart. The ceremony is about to start. You don’t want to ruin Aunt Ruby and Dorothy’s very special day now, do you?”

“No,” Hope said with a small pout. “I’m sorry, Gigi.”

“It’s all right, my precious princess,” Regina said and she smiled down at her, fixing the yellow ribbon in her dark curly hair before walking over to where the others were waiting. “Sorry about that,” she said apologetically to Ruby. “Are we ready to begin?”

Dorothy, it turned out, had been running late, but she made it just in time before panic set in and before Ruby managed to convince herself that her soon-to-be wife had gotten cold feet and had become a runaway bride. Regina kept a firm grasp on Hope’s hand all throughout the ceremony, grateful that they’d decided not to take the more traditional route and kept the ceremony short and simple.

The party after the wedding ceremony was held at the diner, where others joined in on the celebration with them and the party went well into the night. Thankfully Henry had taken his little sister home before things got a little too wild, and by the time Regina returned home with Emma, all she could feel was an overwhelming sense of relief that the day was finally over.

“Do you ever wanna get married?” Emma asked, slurring a little as she’d had a little too much to drink at the diner. “Again, I mean? Do you ever wanna get married again?”

“I haven’t thought of it, no,” Regina replied and she eased the zipper down the side of her dress and stepped out of it carefully. “I always said—”

“You’d never get married again, I know,” Emma said and she just stood there still in her dress at the foot of the bed, her feet bare as she’d taken her heels off on the walk home. “Well, I’d like to get married one day.”

“Oh?” Regina asked as she walked over to the vanity and started to remove her earrings. “Would you? What changed your mind? I thought you said after nearly going through with the last marriage that you—”

“Well, that was before, Regina.”

“Before what?”

“You.”

“You’re drunk, Swan,” Regina said, rolling her eyes and she looked at Emma in the reflection of the mirror for a moment before she turned around. “I told you not to do those shots. Look at you. You can barely even stand without swaying.”

“I’m fine,” Emma laughed and she waved a hand in front of her before she stumbled backward and fell onto the bed. “Perfectly fine, see?”

“Take your dress off before you ruin it, dear.”

“A little help?” Emma asked weakly as she stayed right where she was and tried to wriggle herself free from the dress that she’d complained about wearing all afternoon. “Regina? A little help, please?”

“I asked you not to go overboard tonight, Emma,” Regina said and she walked over to the end of the bed where Emma’s legs were hanging off. “I asked you to stop drinking excessively and you failed to listen to me. I knew this was going to happen.”

“You were drinking too.”

“I had three glasses of wine throughout the course of the evening, dear. You, on the other hand, made a complete ass out of yourself. Sit up,” she said and Emma groaned quietly as she managed to sit up, the skirt of her dress already bunched up around her thighs. “And, for the record, you are only thinking about marriage because of the wedding today. Tomorrow, you’ll feel just as you have all this time.”

“I do wanna marry you one day,” Emma whispered. “If you wanted to.”

Regina trembled as the words tumbled out of Emma’s mouth. She didn’t say another word as she helped Emma out of her tight dress and put her to bed, all the while Emma mumbled and groaned and then begged Regina to magic her hangover away in the morning if she couldn’t do it herself.

Emma wouldn’t remember what she said the next morning, Regina knew that as she climbed into bed next to her half an hour later. She lay awake for the longest time, though, thinking about what it would be like if she and Emma were to get married one day and asked herself, over and over, if that was something that she wanted.

Sure, she was in love with Emma Swan, and she was happy, happier than she’d ever been in her whole life, but she had vowed that after her marriage to Leopold that she would _never_ get married again. But, Regina also knew that come the day that Emma Swan every asked her to marry her, she would say yes regardless of how she felt about marriage at all.

If that day ever came at all.


	20. Chapter 20

OCTOBER

Ever since their small town had become, more or less, open and known to the rest of the world, it started many new traditions for a lot of the residents there. With the quick change of the season came a fall festival where a carnival was set up in the park, and old traditions merged with new ones, it also brought back the tourists that had left the town quiet since the first week of September.

With the festival in full swing by the second weekend of the month, it brought back questions from Henry whether they were ever going to go on their trip to New York City that had been postponed back in the spring. _Maybe in the new year_ , she’d promised him one night he’d come to the study where she was working from home. She didn’t want to make a promise to Henry she couldn’t possibly, knowing that somehow, come springtime, that something could come up and she’d end up unintentionally breaking that promise in the end. All she could do was tell him _maybe_ and left it at that.

_Maybe_.

Their lives had been filled with a lot of maybe’s, too.

Maybe they’d made a mistake subduing Hope’s magic. That sadness in her eyes still hadn’t disappeared nearly two weeks after they’d done the spell and Regina wondered if maybe it was something they’d have to get used to until Hope was old enough to learn how to use her magic responsibly.

Maybe they should’ve tried to train the puppy better and maybe they shouldn’t have let the puppy sleep in Hope’s bedroom on her bed where they were woken up countless of nights in a row because the puppy had an accident on her sheets. Regina wondered if maybe deciding to keep the puppy born from Hope’s wish was the right thing to do at all, especially after she caught the growing puppy happily chewing on a pair of her Chanel heels one morning when she was running late for work.

Maybe Regina should’ve let Henry buy that motorcycle for his birthday because his car died unexpectedly early in October and he was left without a means of transportation and in turn, it left him in a miserable mood nobody, not even the infectious smiles from his little sister, could seem to chase away.

Maybe she should’ve seen all the warning signs that Emma was struggling and waging an endless fight against that overwhelming urge to _run_. Maybe she should’ve worried more, maybe she should’ve known _somehow_ that Emma was losing the war with herself and it was only a matter of time before she would run. Again.

“Ma’s phone is off,” Henry said as he trudged into the house, dropping his bag by the door as he always did. “Is she home?”

Regina, who had just gotten in herself a moment earlier, shook her head and knelt down in front of Hope to help her take off her jacket, her fingers still too uncoordinated to undo all the little buttons.

“I haven’t seen her or spoken with her since this morning,” Regina replied. “Perhaps she’s just busy. Her phone could’ve died or she turned it off.”

“Or she left. Again.”

“Henry,” she scolded as she pulled Hope’s jacket off and handed it to him to hang it up with his in the closet. “She didn’t leave. She’s at work. She’s likely on a call or out on patrol as we speak.”

“What if you’re wrong?” Henry asked. “What if she’s gone, Mom?”

“Why would she leave, Henry, when she has all of us here now with her, hmm?”

“Maybe it’s not enough anymore.”

Maybe. Regina hated that word. Maybe. _Maybe_.

And maybe she shouldn’t have stayed up waiting for Emma that night, sitting in the dining room and staring at the front door like a hawk in the dark as it grew later and later in the night. And maybe she shouldn’t have laughed when Emma nearly jumped out of her skin when she flipped on the dining room light.

She laughed because the look on Emma’s face had been priceless. Maybe she shouldn’t have done it, but it was too late. Emma was furious, she could see it in her eyes, and she left without a word, disappearing in a cloud of smoke that left her staring at the last of it as it dissipated in the air and wondering if she should go after her or wait for Emma to come back home again.

And maybe she should’ve just gone to bed instead of pacing the floor in the bedroom instead, waiting still for Emma to come home.

“Henry is worried about you,” Regina said dryly when Emma appeared just after midnight, walking through the door quietly as if she were sneaking in. “He thought that you may have…left.”

“Oh,” Emma said and she shrugged before she walked over to her side of the bed and sat down heavily. “Well, he was worried for nothing, Regina. I’m home now, ain’t I?”

“Where have you been?”

“Out.”

Regina clenched her jaw and watched Emma pull off her boots one by one and let them clatter down on the floor. She continued to watch her as she got up from the edge of the bed and started to strip out of her clothes, her back to Regina almost the whole time.

“What is the matter with you, Emma?”

“Nothing is the matter—”

“Your phone has been off all day,” Regina stated, her anger bubbling just beneath the surface and threatening to burst out any second now. “What did you promise me when you came home, Emma?”

“I know what I promised, Regina, but I swear it wasn’t intentional,” Emma said and she laughed bitterly as she pulled her phone—or what was left of it—out of the pocket of her jeans that were laying on the floor in a pile by her feet. “If you asked David, he would’ve told you what happened.”

“He told me he didn’t know where you were when I asked him.”

“He didn’t tell you that my phone got busted when I tried to chase after Pongo this morning? I had a pretty wicked wipeout too. Pretty sure half the town saw it.”

“No, he failed to mention it.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Emma,” Regina tried again and watched Emma unclip her bra and grab an oversized t-shirt from the dresser before she pulled it on. “That doesn’t answer my previous question about where you have been all—”

“I know you have been lying to me,” Emma said as she turned around, looking at Regina for the first time since she walked through the door. “Why?”

“Why what?”

Emma scoffed and stood firm, arms crossed over her chest. “Why are you keeping tabs on _him_?”

And maybe, Regina thought later that night after Emma went to sleep on the couch in the den, maybe she should’ve told Marcin Steinbeck to pull back his people that were keeping tabs on the pirate after they found out he was not Hope’s father. He wasn’t a threat any longer, they all knew that or else he would’ve come back to Storybrooke by now instead of off living a life much like his previous one, sailing the seas in the Enchanted Forest and beyond.

Two days passed before Emma gave up on trying to sleep on the uncomfortable couch in the den and returned to bed. They hadn’t talked much since the other night and Regina wasn’t sure what kind of an answer to give to Emma and Emma didn’t bring it up again. At least Emma came home again the past two nights around the same time she normally did, so that eased Regina’s worries that Emma might run. Again.

On the eve before Emma’s birthday, Regina supervised Henry and Hope as they made cupcakes for their mother, and Emma, who had a new phone and who had called earlier to say she’d be a little late, walked in covered head to toe in mud.

“Don’t ask,” she muttered as she stood at the back door, mud dripping off her clothes onto the tiled floor. “Hey, kid, wanna hose me down in the yard?” she asked Henry, who just laughed and shook his head no as he swiped some icing from the bowl. “Regina, how about you?”

“Just get upstairs and jump in the shower, Emma. I’ll heat up your plate we saved from dinner if you—”

“I already ate.”

“Oh.” Regina frowned and watched as Emma tried to quickly dart her way through the kitchen and then up the stairs leaving a trail of random splotches of mud in her wake.

“You should ask Granny to ban her from the diner again,” Henry chuckled lightly. “At least then she would have no choice but to come home for dinner.”

“What happened to Momma?” Hope asked. “Why she so dirty?”

“I’m sure we’ll hear the story soon, kiddo,” Henry laughed. “Come on, let’s clean up this mess while we wait for the cupcakes to finish up, yeah?”

Henry flashed Regina a knowing look and she left them to clean up their mess alone. She headed upstairs, sighing in annoyance at the mud trail on the floor and up the stairs. With a quick wave of her hand, she made it disappear with magic and headed for the bedroom where she found Emma in the en-suite trying to peel her muddy clothes off without making too much of a mess in the process.

“I don’t know what is going on with you, Emma Swan, but whatever this is, it needs to stop,” Regina said and she leaned against the open door as Emma spun around to look at her. “It needs to stop right now.”

“Nothing is going on,” Emma countered. “If you can’t tell, I’m miserable and I’m covered in mud. I have mud where mud does not belong.”

“What’s the story this time?” Regina asked and she watched as Emma waved a hand over the muddy pile of clothes and made them disappear. Hopefully into the washing machine downstairs. “Pongo again?”

“It’s like a game for that beast, I swear,” Emma muttered as she turned the water on in the shower and shook her head. “You’d think Archie would have him trained. How old is Pongo, anyway?”

“Older than you.”

“Go figure.”

And maybe Regina should’ve realized that something _was_ going on because when she reached out for Emma later in bed, itching and desperate for her touch, Emma just rolled away and muttered _not tonight_. It had been weeks since they’d last been intimate and Regina knew that wasn’t normal, at least not after all those months they’d been unable to go more than a day without those stolen, intimate moments with one another.

[X]

“Are we okay, Emma?” Regina asked early the next morning after laying there wide awake for the last hour as she waited for Emma to wake up. “Because it feels like there is something going on and I don’t know what it is. Have I done or said anything wrong?”

“Happy birthday to me,” Emma muttered groggily from under the sheet she pulled up over her head. “We’re fine, Regina. Don’t worry about it.”

“I am worried about it, whatever _it_ is,” she snapped and she pulled the sheet down from over Emma’s hand with a low growl. “Is this because you found out that I’ve been keeping tabs on the pirate?”

“No.”

“What is it about then?” she demanded, a sharp pang thundering through her heart as Emma sat up in bed, angry now. Angry like she was. “Why won’t you just talk to me? Why won’t you just _tell_ me what the hell is going on with you, Emma Swan?”

“I feel like I’m suffocating!” Emma yelled at her and it left them both trembling in the wake of fired up emotions that were feeding off one another. “I’m not happy, Regina. I—I feel like I’m trapped and I’m suffocating and I can’t do a damn thing about it. Are you happy now? Are you happy knowing that I am completely miserable?”

“No.”

“Every single day that passes I want—I can’t stop thinking about how easy it would be just to leave, to run. I can’t stop thinking about how this time wouldn’t be like the last, that this time I would make sure nobody would ever find me.”

“Is that what you want? To run away and disappear again? For good this time?”

“Sometimes.”

“What about the other times?” Regina asked quietly, too afraid to reach out for Emma because she knew, she knew if she tried, she wouldn’t be able to stop her from leaving at all. “Emma?”

“It sounds shitty of me to say it at all, but I am _bored_ , Regina. I’m bored out of my fucking mind and it’s driving me batshit crazy!” Emma groaned and she fell back against her pillow, sighing heavily. “Do you know what the most exciting part of my week has been so far? Chasing Pongo through the park and then tripping over a log and falling head first into a puddle of mud. That has been the highlight of the week.”

“It could’ve been much worse,” she said with a light laugh but Emma wasn’t laughing. She wasn’t smiling. She was _scowling_. “Are you saying you miss the way things used to be? That you miss the villain of the week that threatens our very lives and all of those that we care about? Are you telling me that you are _bored_ because your life is normal, Emma Swan?”

“Yes.”

“You’re unbelievable. How can you say that?”

“Because that is how I _feel_ , Regina!”

“And you think that running away and disappearing again is going to be the solution to your current _boring_ problem?”

“Yes.”

“You’re an idiot. You can’t just run away from your problems, whether they are boring or not. This,” Regina said as she pointed at Emma, her hand shaking slightly at the fear in Emma’s eyes that had taken over the fiery anger that had been there before. “This is not the Emma Swan that I know and love, this is not the Emma Swan that you have become. You’re better than that.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are.” Regina licked over her lips and let out a heavy, dejected sigh. “Are you really that unhappy with your life, Emma? With your family? With…me?”

“I don’t know anymore.”

“I see,” she said and she turned to stare at Emma in the soft light that crept through the windows as the sun slowly began to rise outside. “Tell me what I can do to help you fix this, Emma. Please. There has to be something that I can do to—”

“Marry me.”

Regina looked at her incredulously. “Excuse me?”

“What?” Emma asked innocently. “You asked me how you can help me fix my boring life that I want to run away from and I gave you an answer.”

“I am not going to marry you when you ask me like that!”

“So, is that a no?”

“No, it is a _maybe_ ,” Regina scoffed. “And a maybe _only_ if you ask me properly and not in the middle of a conversation such as this. Now, get up. Your children have a big day planned for you and you are going to go downstairs with a smile on your face, birthday girl, and you are going to enjoy every last minute of this day because your family wants nothing more than to make you feel as special as they believe you to be.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Regina?” Emma asked, pouting as Regina stared at her in annoyance. “It’s my birthday.”

“Happy birthday,” she sighed, giving in to Emma’s pout and leaned down to place a small kiss upon her lips. “Happy birthday, you idiot.”

“Your idiot.”

_Mine. Always_.

[X]

Regina suggested therapy the day after Emma’s birthday was over and Emma reluctantly agreed to go to at least one session with Dr. Archie Hopper. She hadn’t expected Emma to agree to it at all but was relieved that she was willing to give it a try.

Around four that afternoon, after she’d gotten off of work early to pick Hope up from pre-school, she was sitting on the couch in the den, sewing Hope’s dragon costume because Hope had made up her mind and decided—demanded—to be a dragon that year for Halloween. She only had a week to complete the costume, which was more than enough time, or at least it might’ve been had the puppy not decided that the stuffed tail looked like a tasty treat.

“Hope,” Regina said as she tried to wrestle what was left of the tail from the puppy’s mouth and sharp teeth. “Hope, I thought you made a wish that Charlie would listen to you better?”

“She does listen better. To me,” Hope replied with a toothy grin. “Charlie, let go of my dragon tail, you idiot puppy!”

“Hope!”

“What?”

“Don’t use that word,” Regina said tiredly as the dog finally let the tail go with a small, sad whimper.

“You call Momma that all the time, Gigi.”

“Well, it’s different when I—” Regina stopped short as she realized that maybe she should be more careful when she called Emma an idiot, which to be fair, she earned that title more often than not those days. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t use that word either.”

Regina looked down at the unfinished costume in her lap and the ruined tail. She could salvage it, only just, but her enthusiasm over making it had died the moment the puppy had tried to destroy it completely.

“Are you sure you want to be a dragon, sweetheart?” Regina asked her and Hope nodded, picking up a red crayon out of the box and continued to draw on the big sheet of paper Regina had laid out on the floor for her. “Why a dragon?”

“I want to be a dragon like Maleficent! Did you know she can breathe fire even when she isn’t a dragon, Gigi? It’s so cool!”

Maleficent. Of _course_.

“When did you see Mal breathe fire, Hope?”

“When Momma took me to visit her the other day after school and she showed me when I told her I was going to be just like her,” Hope said as if it was an obvious, well-known fact. “Gigi, what are you being for Halloween?”

“I—I haven’t decided yet.”

“Momma said you could wear anything and still be beautiful.”

“Did she?”

“Yep, even if you wore the ugliest and scariest costume of all time, Momma would still think you’re beautiful.”

“And do you know what your mother is going to be dressing up as for Halloween?” Regina asked and Hope just nodded, not taking her eyes off her drawing in front of her. “Well, is it a great big secret or can you tell me what it is?”

“It’s a surprise. Momma said it was a surprise. I am not allowed to ruin the surprise, Gigi,” she said as she peered up at her through her long and thick eyelashes. “But I think you’ll like it. That’s what Momma said.”

“Oh, all right,” she sighed and she put the unfinished costume down on the coffee table and shot a glare over at the puppy who had gone over to her bed to chew her own stuffed toy. “Can I draw with you?”

“Okay, Gigi, but you stay on that side,” Hope said as she pointed to the empty corner on the paper. “You’re not allowed to draw here,” she said, pointing to the middle. “Henry is supposed to draw me a great big dragon there later. He promised.”

By six, everyone was home, even Emma, who had joined Regina in the kitchen to help her roll out the dough for the pizza Hope had convinced Regina to make for dinner that night. Emma had kissed her too, the moment she got home, and it was a kiss that felt like a promise. A promise that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be all right.

Regina wanted to ask her how things went with Dr. Hopper, but she knew that might be pushing whatever boundaries she probably shouldn’t try to cross yet with Emma. She seemed to be in a better mood, so that was something at least, and they worked together to make the pizza, and she listened to Emma tell her about her long, uneventful day at the station.

“The dog tried to eat Hope’s costume,” Regina said as she slid the tray of pizza into the oven and set the timer. “It’s salvageable, only just.”

“Charlie probably thinks it’s a toy or something.”

“Probably,” Regina nodded and after Emma washed her hands in the sink, she stepped forward to rinse hers. “Have you decided on your costume yet?”

“Have you?” Emma countered and she shook her head no as Emma handed her the tea towel to dry her hands. “Halloween is a week from today. You have to figure it out, Regina. You did, after all, volunteer to supervise the preschoolers during the parade.”

That was news to her. “I did?”

“Yep,” Emma chuckled lightly. “We’re both supervising together, actually. Hope’s teacher needed volunteers and she was so desperate when she asked me on Monday if we’d do it. She said they were short on people and, well, you know how crazy those four-year-olds are. They need as many parents as possible there to keep them in line. Just remember we have to be at the school before noon on Wednesday.”

“I do wish you would ask me before volunteering on my behalf.”

“Sorry, Regina, I didn’t think you’d mind?” Emma frowned. “I thought you’d want to do it for Hope. I mean,” she groaned as she rubbed at the back of her neck and frowned deeper. “You spend a lot of time with her now, more than you used to, I just thought—”

“It’s fine, I’ll rearrange my day and move some meetings back,” Regina replied and she stared at Emma for a long moment before she asked, “did you go talk to Dr. Hopper?”

She expected Emma to slam her walls right back up just as she’d been doing a lot lately, but Emma just shrugged before she said, “I did, yeah.”

“How was it?”

“Alright, I guess.” Emma walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out the jug of orange juice. Regina got her a glass and she smiled at her as Regina placed it down on the counter. “Thanks. Oh, and by the way, Regina, Hope’s teacher said we have to be in costume too.”

“Okay.”

“You’re not going to tell me what you’re wearing, are you?” Emma asked and she sipped the orange juice after she’d poured it and grinned. “It has to be appropriate.”

“I know that, dear. It will be.”

“You’re not going to bug me about what I’m going to be?” Emma asked and there was a teasing glint in her eyes, one that Regina hadn’t seen all month, and it filled her with a small sense of relief. “It’s supposed to be a surprise, Regina.”

“Then I will just have to wait and see, won’t I?”

“You’re gonna make me wait too, aren’t you?” Emma groaned and her eyes lit up again as she wiggled her eyebrows. “Are you wearing one of your old Evil Queen costumes? You are, aren’t you?”

“No, dear.”

“Well, that’s a bummer. You always looked so hot, so _sexy_ in those clothes.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, dear.”

[X]

By Halloween, Emma’s mood had changed again. She was smiling more, laughing more, and they’d even started to be intimate in the bedroom again. Regina dressed in her costume first thing that morning while everyone was still fast asleep in their beds. It was a simple costume, one she only had to buy a few pieces for and one she had raided the closet and borrowed one of Emma’s work shirts to make her costume complete.

Henry, because he was in high school and _dressing up is for kids_ , was dressed in his usual clothes when he came down that morning with Hope for breakfast. He took one look at Regina and burst out laughing and Hope was confused because she didn’t think that Regina’s costume was scary at all.

“I’m a police officer, they aren’t supposed to be scary,” she said later as she helped Hope into her dragon costume. “Don’t you look adorable.”

“I am not adorable,” Hope pouted. “I’m a _dragon_.” And she roared and Regina laughed and kissed her on the cheek before sending her off to the den to play before she was dropped off at pre-school.

Henry had already left for school by the time Emma made her morning appearance, but she wasn’t in costume as she trudged into the kitchen half-asleep and mumbling about needing at least seven cups of coffee to get her through the day. Emma barely even looked at Regina as she walked past her to the coffee maker and grabbed a mug, she didn’t notice until she started to pour the coffee and her jaw dropped.

“Well, hello,” Emma chuckled, nearly spilling the coffee before she placed the carafe back on the burner. “Officer Mills.”

“Is this deemed appropriate enough to be around preschoolers, dear?”

“Maybe button that up a bit,” she said, pointing to the bit of cleavage on display. Regina had purposely unbuttoned it when she heard Emma coming down the stairs. “But yeah, it’s appropriate, Officer Mills. And hot damn, I never would’ve thought how hot it’d be for you to be, well, me.”

“I am not being you, Swan,” she laughed. “I am simply just a police officer. An officer of the law. We already have two sheriffs in this town, we don’t need another.”

“Are you going to work like that?”

“No, I’ve taken the day off. I figure once I drop Hope off, I can just stay until it’s time for the parade and then bring her home with me afterward so we can finish getting the house ready for all the trick-or-treaters tonight.”

“Don’t move, just stay there for a second, yeah?” Emma said as she motioned for Regina to stay right where she was and she moaned softly and bit her bottom lip. “Yeah, that is fantasy-worthy material if you ask me, babe. Might need you to wear that later, you know, _much_ later after the kids are in bed and we—”

“Where is your costume?”

Emma snapped her mouth shut and frowned. “I left it at work,” she sighed. “And no,” she added as she lifted her mug from the counter to take a small sip. “I’m not telling you what it is until you see it later. I’ll try to be early for the parade. No promises though. You know how crazy people get on Halloween.”

“It is something lame, isn’t it?” Regina asked and Emma groaned, trying to hide her disappointment and Regina knew. “I hope it’s nothing lame, at least, dear.”

“Yeah, well, I guess you’ll have to wait and see, huh?”

Hours later, Regina was surrounded by a dozen little preschoolers and trying to grab onto Hope as she chased a poor boy wearing a Superman costume around the room all the while roaring at him and threatening to set him on fire. As the clock crept closer to noon and the parent volunteers tried and failed in their struggle to get the young children ready for the parade, Emma finally showed up with mere minutes to spare.

And her costume was lame if one could call wearing cat ears a costume at all. She had gone as far as drawing whiskers on her cheeks with eyeliner, or maybe it was marker, Regina wasn’t sure, but she had half-assed her costume and Regina was disappointed.

“I’m still on duty,” Emma whispered. “I can’t be in full costume, Regina.”

“You still could’ve put more of an effort into it, Emma, at least for Hope’s sake.”

“Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it?” Emma asked and Regina raised a challenging eyebrow at that. With a very subtle wave of her hand, she added a few improvements to Emma’s lame costume, giving her a tail that made her jump in surprise. “Really?”

“Really,” Regina said with a satisfied smile and they headed to the elementary school down the street, walking with a dozen of wild and rambunctious preschoolers who only wanted to show off their costumes to everyone they passed by on the street.

After the parade was over, the school was hosting a dance party and they stayed, keeping a keen eye on Hope and the other little ones as they danced around, jumping and screaming and some even terrifying some of the older children as they snuck up on them. Emma got a call from the station not even an hour after the dance party had kicked off and when she went to remove her tail, she winced in pain.

“Are you serious?” Emma asked, panic in her eyes as she tugged on the tail again and cried out. “Why does it hurt? Did you—you didn’t! Regina!”

“If you had made an actual attempt to put effort into your costume, Sheriff Swan, maybe this wouldn’t have happened, hmm?”

“You’re evil.”

“Formerly. I’m reformed, dear, or did you forget already?”

“I call a load of bullshit on the whole reformed thing,” Emma muttered. “Please,” she begged a second later. “Just at least let me lose the tail, Regina. I have a call I have to respond to and I can’t show up like this!”

“It’s Halloween. Enjoy it. Careful, though, Sheriff, I hear those hairballs are fairly rough—”

“Regina! Seriously?”

“Seriously.”


	21. Chapter 21

DECEMBER

Emma forgave her for the stunt she’d pulled on Halloween all too quickly as she more than made up for it that very night, wearing nothing but the sheriff’s formal shirt and the belt of props she’d ordered online to finish off her costume. Emma made it no secret after that, that she wanted to have Regina again wearing nothing but that shirt and belt with the ridiculous toy props in the bedroom more often than not.

And more often than not in the weeks that followed, Regina complied, going along with Emma’s little fantasy because, she did have to admit, it was _fun_.

The regular and sometimes daily sessions that Emma had with Dr. Hopper seemed to be helping, too, though there were the odd little moments when Regina feared that Emma would give in and just run whenever she saw that look come back into her eyes. Emma didn’t run and by the time the week of Thanksgiving rolled around, she started to talk about taking that trip to New York City with the kids in the spring. She wanted to go back and she talked about how much she’d love to take Regina and Hope to all of her and Henry’s favorite places in the city.

Their relationship had changed, for the better, and those days when they weren’t intimate didn’t stretch out too far as they had back in October. It wasn’t that they had talked about how Emma was feeling, they didn’t, it was whatever Emma was talking about with Dr. Hopper that had changed things. Yet, whatever it was that had set Emma on a different path, Regina was grateful for because they’d found their happiness together again. To her, it was all that mattered really.

As Christmas neared, life got hectic. Regina was busy with work and when she wasn’t working, she was busy with her family and the chaos that ensued every afternoon. Magical being or not, Hope was a handful and then some. In a lot of ways, she was much like Neal, always full of energy that just couldn’t be contained no matter what any of them tried to do. Even the puppy, getting as large as she was, could barely handle Hope’s endless energy and practically avoided the young child by darting out of the room almost as soon as Hope entered.

Regina found herself at the Charming house early one afternoon the Friday before Christmas because she was worried about David. He’d been out of sorts since just before Thanksgiving and she’d taken to checking in on him, especially on his days off. She was even more worried as she walked in the house and found him sitting on the couch in the living room and sobbing as he held one of the ugly Christmas sweaters from the previous year to his chest.

“David,” Regina said gently as she approached him, placing her purse down on the armchair before she slipped off her jacket and laid it on top of her purse. “David, are you all right?”

“Does it look like I am all right? I’m fine, obviously.” David looked down at the sweater in his hands and started to laugh hysterically as his tears continued to fall. “I was just thinking about last year. I—I don’t know why it is so funny. I feel terrible for laughing.”

Regina knew the man was still as heartbroken and just _broken_ as he was the day his true love died, and she could not imagine the grief and pain he was going through of not having her there, especially over the holidays. She did know how heavy that grief felt, unfortunately, though it wasn’t quite the same, and she knew if she ever lost Emma—again—that only then would she truly, truly understand the utter loss that he felt.

“She would’ve wanted us to wear them again this year,” Regina said, smiling a little as David just nodded knowingly. “If any of us refused, she would’ve _made_ us wear them.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he sniffled as he started to fold the sweater up ever so carefully. “She absolutely would’ve and I bet we would’ve gotten an even better picture this year, you know, with Emma and Hope home here with us now.”

“Absolutely,” Regina said and she sat beside him, hands folded in her lap because when it came to them and comfort, less was best. “We all miss her so very much, just as I am sure wherever she is she misses us just as much, if not more. We should make this Christmas extra special. For her. It is what she would’ve wanted”

“Yes. Absolutely,” David said softly. He finally finished folding up the sweater and placed it down in his lap gently. “She made Emma one last year. Did you know that?” Upon Regina’s small nod, he laughed and placed his hands over the folded sweater shakily. “Hope doesn’t have one.”

“I’m sure she would’ve made her one too had she known.”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

Regina hesitated for a moment before she reached out to take the sweater from him and offered him a small smile as she placed it on top of the coffee table. “Have you eaten yet today, David?” She knew he hadn’t. “I could whip something up if you’re hungry.”

“I appreciate you looking after me, Regina, but you really don’t need to do that.”

“I don’t mind, and besides, Henry will be here shortly with the two little monsters in tow,” she said with a soft chuckle. “They’ll be hungry when they get in, I’m sure.”

Days like this, moments like this, had become somewhat of the norm, especially in the last handful of weeks, and she knew he needed a lifeline because she could see him drowning. Sometimes she wondered if she was the only one who saw just how much he was struggling.

David had pulled himself out of the somber mood he’s fallen into by the time Henry got there a few hours later, Neal and Hope in tow, wreaking havoc throughout the house as they blew through running and screaming as one chased after the other. Henry walked into the kitchen and dropped his backpack to the floor with a heavy sigh. He waved a hand in the air at the two young children as they ran into the kitchen and back out again and he sighed again.

“Neal got into trouble today,” he said and he looked at Regina with a frown. “Hope too.”

“What did they do this time?”

“Neal is in trouble for pooping under his teacher’s desk during story time. Hope gave the Lin kid a black eye. Which, by the way, earned her a warning for suspension. Ma knows. They called her earlier. I didn’t even know you could get suspended in preschool. Miss Green wasn’t very happy when I picked Hope up.”

“Our children are monsters.” She could help the laughter that just burst out of her out of nowhere. “What are we going to do, David? Let them terrorize the entire town?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time someone in our family did that.”

David was laughing now and Henry was staring at both of them as if they’d each grown an extra head. Regina wiped her tears and clenched at her sides as the laughter kept spilling out of her uncontrollably. David grabbed onto Regina’s arm, wheezing a little as he tried to stop laughing, but all it took was one look at each other before it started back up again.

“You guys have completely lost it,” Henry said. “What is the matter with you?”

“Neal pooped under the teacher’s desk. I have a serial pooper.”

“I have a fighter. Hope really hates that Lin kid, doesn’t she?”

“Maybe the two of them will team up and she’ll get Neal to poop on the Lin kid’s head.”

“Seriously?” Henry started to laugh then too. Whether it was because the laughter was infectious or because he was starting to find it funny, he was still laughing. “You guys are crazy, you know that, right?”

“Only the best kind of crazy, dear,” Regina said and she turned her attention to the grilled cheese sandwiches she’d made and that were ready and waiting to be eaten. “Why don’t we get the pooper and puncher and get them settled down for lunch.”

“I’ll get mine, you get yours,” David said and they listened for a second before they headed out of the kitchen and cornered the children near the front door. “Lunchtime, kiddo,” David said as he scooped his son up. “Neal, stop it!”

“No! Let me go!” Neal shrieked as he kicked and screamed while David carried him into the kitchen.

“Hope,” Regina said gently as she approached the young girl who had a feral look in her eyes. “Hope, it’s time to calm down now,” she said, offering a smile as she reached out to push back Hope’s hair from her sweaty forehead. “Are you hungry, sweetheart?”

“No!”

“Hope.”

Hope tried to dart around Regina, but she was too quick for the little girl and she managed, just barely, to grab a hold of Hope’s hand before she could run off and continue terrorizing her way through the house. Regina’s laughter instantly died as she kept a firm grip on Hope’s hand and all but dragged her into the kitchen.

“Sit down,” she said sternly as she picked Hope up and put her down on a chair at the table. Neal was squirming in his chair and kicking at David. Regina sighed heavily and snapped her fingers, using a spell to magically render them stuck to the chairs. “Now, you two need to calm down,” she said and she smoothed her hands down the front of her blouse. “This nonsense stops now, do you both understand me?”

“Yes, Gigi,” Hope said immediately.

“Neal?”

“Okay, Gina.”

“You are both in big trouble,” she continued as she grabbed each of their plates and placed them down in front of them. “Perhaps we should cancel Christmas, hmm? Naughty children don’t deserve presents.”

“No!” Neal and Hope exclaimed, tears falling almost immediately.

“What do you think, David?” Regina asked nonchalantly as she looked over at him while Henry got his own plate and joined the children at the table. “Shall we cancel Christmas because of these two very naughty children?”

“I believe we should.”

“No, Daddy!” Neal cried and he tried to get off of his chair, but the spell held him firm in it. “No, I’m sorry, Daddy! I won’t be naughty no more!”

“I’m sorry,” Hope whispered as she picked at the crust of her sandwich. “I won’t punch Joey no more. He made me mad, Gigi. So mad. I want to punch his stupid face again.”

“Hope, why did Joey make you mad?” Regina asked as she pulled up a chair beside her. “Did he do something or say something to you?”

“He said my mommies are lexbeans.”

“Lexbeans?” Regina tried not to laugh but it was hard. “What is a lexbean, Hope?”

“What you and Momma are. That’s what stupid head told me.” Hope had fury in her eyes and she clenched her fists in her lap. “He’s wrong. You and Momma aren’t lexbeans, are you, Gigi?”

“I think he means lesbians,” Henry muttered before taking a rather large bite of his sandwich. “What? What else could it be?”

“What’s a lesbian?” Neal asked curiously. “Is it bad?”

“No, it’s not bad,” Henry chuckled lightly and he flinched at the glare that Regina cast his way as a warning to stop before saying too much. “Do you think it’s bad that Emma and Regina love each other very much?”

“No,” Neal said. “I like that they love each other. I love them both too.”

“It’s a different kind of love, kid,” Henry said and Regina smiled at her son. “Even though it’s different, it is still love and there is nothing wrong with love, is there?”

“Nope.”

“Joey is still a stupid head,” Hope concluded. “He said it was bad. Evil. He is an idiot.”

The laughter came out again easily though Regina knew she shouldn’t be laughing and David, he tried to stop too, but mouthed ‘idiot’ at Regina and it was hard to stop. The sound of laughter filled the kitchen and after they all managed to calm down, Regina sighed as she sat back in her chair with a smile on her face.

It was the first time in a very long time that the house had been filled with laughter and it was a welcome relief to the perpetual sadness that had settled into that house like an unwanted, unwelcome visitor. It felt good and even though a small part of her felt a little guilty, she knew that Snow wouldn’t have wanted them to fall into the endless sadness as they had for so many months. She would’ve wanted the laughter.

It wasn’t until after lunch and when Regina was washing the plates while David and Henry settled the children down in front of the television to watch a movie, that Regina realized David had called Hope ‘hers’ and she’d said ‘our children’ to him as if it was normal, as if it was just how it was. She felt a little conflicted because as much as she loved that little girl, Hope wasn’t her daughter.

Sure, she was helping Emma raise the little girl now, but she hadn’t been too involved in the day to day with the young child until that night they learned just how powerful she truly was and watched her sudden and unexpected transformation. But it was different now and Regina was only just coming to the realization that yes, in some ways, Hope _was_ her daughter now, too.

And she knew nothing would change that. Absolutely nothing.

[X]

The ugly Christmas sweater itched just as badly as it had the year before, but Regina wore it all morning on Christmas Eve and was still wearing it when they showed up at the Charming’s house to help David prepare their Christmas Eve dinner.

Hope had a sweater of her own now, Regina made sure of it, spending the entire day after the whole fiasco at lunch searching through some of Snow’s old things in the attic. She found six boxes, all filled with a variety of arts and crafts materials, and she tried her best to make Hope an ugly sweater to match the rest of the family. The end result was one she knew Snow would’ve been very proud of because it was by far the ugliest sweater of them all.

Emma didn’t know that she had one of her own either, not until they arrived at the house just after one that afternoon and David pulled her aside to give it to her. Regina had been wrong about Hope’s sweater, Emma’s was the ugliest of them all. She took one look at Emma as soon as she’d put it on and burst out laughing. It just couldn’t be helped and Emma looked at her desperately, helplessly, and spent the afternoon pouting as Regina made a point in going out of her way from preparing the food in the kitchen just to flick at the little shiny ball ornaments that hung from the sweater all over Emma’s chest.

“Stop,” Emma groaned as she laid out on the couch and covered her eyes with one arm and pushed as Regina’s hand with the other. “Stop, Regina, that’s really annoying!”

“Come on, they’re just dangling there, begging to be flicked.”

“Don’t you have a dinner to finish preparing, Regina?”

“We’re nearly finished,” she said, flicking at the little ornament that was just above Emma’s left breast. “I’m just waiting for Granny to come over with the glaze for the ham. Can you feel that, dear?” Another flick and another push at her hand from Emma and she laughed, dipping her head down to place a small kiss upon Emma’s lips. “I’m sorry, darling, I’ll stop now.”

“Yeah right.”

“Maybe,” she laughed and Emma pulled her down, eliciting a surprised squeal past her lips as Emma held her down against her. “Emma, let me go.”

“No, I don’t think I will.”

Emma gently placed a hand to the back of Regina’s neck and pulled her in for a long, languid kiss. They weren’t alone in the living room, but it didn’t matter, nobody was paying attention to them as the children watched a Christmas movie on the television and David and Henry worked at trying to fix the broken lights on the tree.

Regina was the first to pull back from the kiss and she moaned softly, wanting nothing more than to keep kissing Emma. It was highly addictive and Emma was like a drug she just couldn’t get enough of. She sighed and placed a soft kiss to Emma’s kiss-swollen lips and got up from the couch, leaving Emma laying there with a pout settled on her face and eyes pleading for her to come back for one more kiss.

Granny arrived with the newlyweds in tow, finally back home after their six-week long honeymoon to Australia and New Zealand. Granny ushered Regina into the kitchen so that they could get the glaze on the ham and finish up with the rest of the trimmings.

“I think we’re just about set,” Granny said almost an hour later as she finished whipping up the huge bowl of mashed potatoes. “Did Henry set the table?”

“Yes, he did that earlier,” Regina replied and she leaned back to look out the kitchen doorway into the living room where everyone else was still gathered and patiently waiting for dinner to be ready. “I made sure he put a plate out for her.”

“Good. Good,” Granny said with a curt nod. “Are we doing a picture before or after we eat?”

“Henry suggested we take it while we’re at the table. He has the camera set up and ready to go,” Regina replied. “Shall we round up the troops and get some hands to help bring out all the food?”

Granny wasted no time in yelling out for help and soon all the food was on the table and everyone was settling down in their usual seats. Everyone busied themselves with piling their plates full of food, chattering excitedly as questions were fired at Ruby and Dorothy asking about their six-week long honeymoon on the other side of the world.

Before anyone started to eat, Henry got their attention and pointed at the camera he had set up just beyond the head of the table and the only empty spot with the empty plate set out in memory of Snow. Zelena was about to magically set the camera on the timer, but Henry waved a small remote and grinned as she rolled her eyes and dramatically curled her fingers around the stem of her wineglass instead.

Regina heard the soft click of the camera several times over the course of dinner and she knew the others heard it too, but nobody said a word and just enjoyed the meal as a family. Stuffed to the brim, Regina sat back as soon as she’d finished off her plate and she looked around at her family with a content smile and when she looked at Emma next to her, she didn’t hold back and leaned over to place a soft kiss on Emma’s cheek.

They were going to keep some of the traditions from the previous year, the ugly Christmas sweaters one of them, but one of the new traditions they were going to start was an exchange of gifts, one each, before everyone returned home for the night. Regina sat on the arm of the chair Emma was sitting in, her fingers lightly stroking over the back of Emma’s neck as they watched the children exchange their gifts first.

Nobody forgot about the disaster from last Christmas with Neal’s truck that ended up broken before he’d even opened it. They all laughed as they had a moment of reminiscence when Neal’s gift ended up being a remote-control car from Henry. Hope’s gift was a tiara, given to her by David and he explained as the room fell quiet that it had belonged to Snow, that she’d bought it last year before she’d lost the baby in hopes of giving it to her daughter that year.

It brought the room to silence and more than a few tears were shed as Hope happily placed the tiara on her head and spun around to show it off to everyone. Robyn started to cry as she tried to grab the tiara off of Hope’s head and Zelena, exhausted and frustrated, magicked up a tiara just for her, though it lacked the sparkle and shine that Hope’s new tiara had.

Henry didn’t open his gift yet and instead, he enlisted the help of the three young children to help hand out the presents to the adults. Regina frowned when Henry placed a rather large box on her lap as they had discussed the rules and it was small gifts only.

“Just open it, Mom,” he said quietly, winking at his other mother as she pulled Regina down onto her lap.

“Emma,” Regina groaned quietly as she tried to balance the box as Emma held her firm on her lap. “Let’s just open our presents and—”

“I have one for you,” Emma said and she picked the box up from Regina’s lap. “Kid, take this one back and save it for tomorrow, yeah?” She handed the box back to Henry who just looked at her in confusion. “Regina,” she whispered and Regina turned to look back at her as Emma pulled out a small little black velvet box she’d had hidden in the pocket of her jeans. “The last time I asked you, you told me to ask you properly.”

“Emma,” she said, trembling as Emma just held the box in her hand.

“I know we’ve had a few rough moments and there were a few of them where I thought for sure you would kick me out of the house for good. I’m glad you didn’t. I’m…happy that despite everything, you still love me anyway.”

“Always, you idiot.”

“Henry!” Zelena shrieked in a hushed whisper. “Get the camera! Now!”

“Is she proposing?” Ruby asked, straining to see as she pulled Dorothy around to the front of the couch. “She’s proposing!”

“Guys,” Emma laughed and she shook her head. “Can you let me have a moment to actually ask her?”

“Sorry!” Ruby apologized quickly and Regina looked over at Zelena who was now snatching the camera out of Henry’s hands.

“I was gonna do this at home, just you know, you and me,” Emma continued and she rolled her eyes when Zelena snapped at Henry to back off. “Maybe I should’ve.” A laugh fell past her lips and all Regina could do was look at her. “But I thought about it and I thought it’d be a good way to create a memorable Christmas this year. Regina,” she said and she paused as she opened the box slowly. “Will you marry me, maybe?”

“I…” Regina took a moment to look around at all the faces in the room, everyone’s eyes on them in that very moment, watching and waiting with bated breath for her to answer.

“I know what we have isn’t perfect,” Emma continued, her voice cracking with raw emotion as she stared deep into Regina’s eyes as soon as Regina looked back at her. “I know that things should’ve been different, but we can’t change the past, unfortunately. Call me crazy, but I don’t think I would change a thing.”

“You _are_ crazy,” Regina whispered tearfully. “Emma—”

“I know that life isn’t going to always be easy or, you know, good, and I know things between us won’t always be either. I’m not just asking you to marry me one day, maybe,” she said and they both laughed quietly at the ‘maybe’ she slipped in again. “Regina, I’m asking you if you’ll spend the rest of our lives together and if maybe you’ll love me anyway even if you say no.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Regina whispered, feeling overwhelmed by the moment they were sharing right there with there family watching on. “Emma, I—”

“Just say yes, you twit!” Zelena barked as she stepped forward, the flash of the camera nearly blinding them both. “Idiots. Both of you.”

Regina lifted a hand to gently cup Emma’s cheek and she found herself getting lost in the depth of Emma’s beautiful, soulful eyes. Emma was right, what they had wasn’t perfect or easy, but their lives never had been any of those things and they probably never would be.

Maybe, if Emma had asked her when they were at home and alone, she might not have said yes or maybe she would’ve. Maybe, even if Emma hadn’t bought the most beautiful ring that she’d ever laid her eyes on, she would’ve said yes after teasing her by saying no first.

There were a lot of maybes in their lives but if she was sure about one thing, it was of how deep her love ran for Emma Swan.

“Emma,” she whispered and she watched a host of emotions flutter over Emma’s still face and she smiled as she leaned in and kissed her softly. “Maybe I will just love you anyway.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, but,” she laughed as Emma’s eyes lit up like a thousand stars. “But it does not mean that I forgive you. Yet.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”


	22. Chapter 22

JANUARY

“Special delivery, Madam Mayor.”

Regina looked up from her desk, glasses perched on the end of her nose, and she waved her secretary in with a small smile. In the weeks that followed Christmas, Emma had been sending her gifts at work nearly every day, a way of begging for her forgiveness in a not-too-subtle way. She worried that her secret would get out, and sooner rather than later it would, but for now, she was enjoying being spoilt by her soon-to-be wife and she motioned for Marjorie to place the bouquet of white roses on the table with the other two vases of flowers sat from the last few days.

“There isn’t a note, again,” Marjorie said and she fixed a few of the flowers before turning to Regina with a frown. “You’ve been getting flowers for three days now and no note. Aren’t you getting curious about who keeps sending you flowers? Last week it was all of those gifts and—”

“It’s all right, Marjorie, I know who they are from.”

“Oh, okay. Well, when your two o’clock comes, would you like me to send them in?”

“Please do, Marjorie.”

“Madam Mayor.”

Regina picked up her cell phone before her secretary even shut the door behind her on her way out and she laughed softly as she typed up a message quickly.

**_Another special delivery from my not-so-secret admirer just arrived._ **

**_Oh yeah?_ **

**_Who is your not-so-secret admirer?_ **

**_I’m not telling._ **

**_I’m jealous._ **

**_Tell me who it is so I can go beat them up._ **

**_Idiot._ **

**_Yours._ **

**_Always._ **

**_Thank you, darling. The roses are beautiful._ **

**_You’re welcome. See you at home later?_ **

**_Absolutely. I love you._ **

**_I love you too!_ **

Regina put her phone down and looked at the ring on her left hand. She did that a lot throughout the day, especially over the last few days when the small little gifts turned into flowers on Monday. Sometimes she wondered how she got so lucky in the end. Sometimes she wondered if she deserved the happiness she felt with Emma and sometimes, only sometimes, she wondered what would’ve happened if Emma had never come home at all and that turned into wondering what may have been if Emma had come home last Christmas as she’d said she wanted to.

The gifts had started out as a part of Emma’s apology but the flowers meant something else, Regina knew, but she hadn’t quite figured it out yet. She reached for her phone again, determined to find out, but before she could even start typing, a knock sounded on her door.

“I’m busy, Marjorie, and if my two o’clock is here, tell him he’s twenty minutes—” Regina said and she stopped when Emma walked in with Marjorie stammering behind her. “Early,” she finished as Emma waved the secretary off and shut the door behind her. “Hi. Not that I don’t love it when you surprise me, but what are you doing here, Emma?”

And it felt a little bit like that day, like the day Emma ran away, because Emma breezed into her office with a smile and took a seat in the chair in front of the desk.

“Can’t I come and see my beautiful wife to be?” Emma asked, that charming smiles of hers melting Regina to pieces. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.”

Regina laughed as she stood up from her chair and walked around to where Emma was sitting—slouching really—and kissed her soundly on the lips. “You saw me just this morning, Sheriff Swan,” Regina reminded her and kissed her once more. “And again when you brought me a coffee from the diner not long after that.”

“Right.”

“And you saw me _again_ not even an hour ago when you dropped your paperwork off,” Regina added and she motioned to the folder that still sat where Emma had left it. “It’s incomplete, Sheriff. You forgot to fill out a couple of—”

Emma silenced her by pulling her down for another kiss, this one slow and deep and full of promise of what waited for when they were alone later that night. Emma grabbed onto her when she felt her trying to pull back and she laughed as she pulled Regina down on her lap and wrapped her arms tightly around her.

“Emma, I’m working,” Regina said, her voice soft as her body started to buzz in delight at the feel of Emma’s arms around her and holding her tight. “Emma, I’m serious.”

“You’re not expecting anyone, are you?”

“In twenty minutes, yes, I have a meeting with a developer that has a proposal—”

Emma kissed her again and Regina sighed, giving in, but only just for a moment. She pushed back at Emma’s shoulders when she felt one of Emma’s hands slipping up along the outside of her thigh just under her tight skirt. With a shake of her head, Emma tightened her grip and kissed her again, murmuring softly as Regina tried again to push her back.

“You need to go now. You have a job to do, Sheriff Swan, so I suggest you get back to it.” Regina grabbed at Emma’s arm to stop her hand from slipping higher and gave her a firm look as she tried and failed to get her to stop. “Em- _ma_ ,” she whimpered softly and bit her bottom lip because she _knew_ what that did to her. “Please. Let’s try to keep things professional during office hours.”

Emma deftly licked her bottom lip as her fingers inched higher under her skirt and Regina’s breath hitched as Emma’s eyebrow rose and the lustful look in her eyes made them darker. Her heart was begging to race at full tilt as Emma fingered the garter straps and moaned.

“You wore them,” she murmured and she moaned again as she slipped a finger under one of the straps. “God, you expect me to go back to work knowing that you wore them today, Regina? You’re evil. You know how it makes me feel when you wear them.”

“Please,” she sighed, knowing that she was losing the fight within herself to all but throw Emma out of her office. She felt Emma’s fingers tremble as she lightly ran her fingers along the collar of her red leather jacket and then over her neck. “I didn’t wear them to aid in your fantasy of fucking me bent over my desk. I wore them because—”

“Because?”

“Fashion,” Regina finished lamely and Emma laughed. “Don’t start.”

“You know what I think, Regina?” Emma asked and she slipped her fingers higher, her eyebrow rising even more as she reached the garter’s belt and felt nothing else underneath it. “Fuck. You are such a tease. You wear them _and_ you aren’t wearing any panties either? You’re pure evil but you know that already, don’t you?”

“Maybe just a little,” Regina chuckled and she closed her eyes as her legs fell open to Emma’s touch and she focused solely on the feel of Emma’s warm, smooth fingers sliding up her inner thigh teasingly. “I’m not the only tease in this room, Sheriff.”

Regina had a few fantasies of her own, but those were ones she was not quite willing to admit or even share with Emma. It would only add fuel to the fire that was blazing between them and she truly did want to keep things professional during office hours. She had a reputation to uphold, after all.

“I suggest you do as you are told,” Regina whispered tightly and she whimpered again when Emma boldly slipped her fingers along the slit of her bare cunt. She slapped her thighs shut, trapping Emma’s hand before she could touch her again. “Emma, please.”

“Okay,” Emma sighed dejectedly. “You win. Keep things professional, you got it, Madam Mayor or shall I call you Mayor Tease now, hmm?”

“Do it and you sleep on the couch tonight, dear.”

“Again?”

“You haven’t been on the couch since before Christmas and besides, I know how _comfortable_ it is and how _wonderful_ your neck feels the next morning. I know how much you miss those long, _restful_ nights on that couch. Perhaps it’s time that you—”

“Okay, okay, you win, Regina,” Emma sighed in defeat and Regina laughed and leaned in for a quick kiss before she released the hold she had on Emma’s hands with her thighs and slipped off her lap. “In all seriousness,” she said as she watched Regina walk back to sit down in her chair. “The paperwork I dropped off earlier isn’t complete? It should be, Regina. A new year, a fresh start, and I made you a promise that it wouldn’t be late or incomplete ever again. I’m keeping that promise, Regina.”

“Well, I looked it over after you left earlier and—”

“No, I swear I finished it, Regina. Check again.”

Regina sighed in annoyance and grabbed the folder. She flipped through the copies of reports from the station one by one and by the time she looked over the last page, her face was a mask of confusion and disbelief. It was complete.

“I could’ve sworn this wasn’t filled out earlier,” Regina said under her breath as she read over the last report carefully. “Emma, did you magic the completed form in here just to try and prove me wrong for once?”

Emma cringed. “Maybe?” She threw her hands up and sighed before she said, “I realized I didn’t finish it out when I was filing my own copy away and, well, I was really hoping you wouldn’t have noticed yet. I’m sorry. But hey,” she said and pointed to the folder still in Regina’s hands. “At least it’s actually done now, right?”

“There you go, keeping all the promises that you seem to make,” Regina laughed lightly and she closed the folder, placing it with the others she’d have her secretary file away before the end of the day. “Ask me again, Emma.”

“Ask you what?” Emma blinked in confusion. “About the paperwork?”

“No,” she said as she shook her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the pad of post-its sitting on the other end of her desk. She quickly wrote on one and pulled it off the pad, handing it to Emma with a smile.

On the post-it was written: _I forgive you. I willlove you anyway._

“Oh,” Emma smiled and it just grew and grew. She held the post-it over her chest and sighed contently. “Regina, will you still love me anyway?”

“Always.”

[X]

It wasn’t until much later that day after they’d said goodnight to Henry and put Hope to bed, that Emma turned to her as they quietly put away the dishes from dinner and asked her, “what made you forgive me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Tell me,” Emma said quietly and she wrapped her arms around Regina and smiled. “I want you to tell me, Regina. Please?”

“I think it’s been all the little things,” Regina said after a moment, not quite sure herself just what it was that made her forgive Emma completely. “I think it started when I saw you in London.”

“I thought you were mad at me then?”

“Aren’t I always mad at you about one thing or another, Emma?” Regina chuckled and she sighed as she relaxed fully in Emma’s arms. “I didn’t know for sure that I did, though, not even after you came home, not until a little while ago.”

“It was the gifts, wasn’t it?” Emma concluded with a nod and a serious look on her face. “Or was it the flowers?”

“It was just after Halloween, actually, when I felt that yes, I finally could forgive you,” she said and Emma looked more confused than ever. “I didn’t want to.” Emma rolled her eyes and she laughed. “I thought for a long time that it would be impossible to truly forgive you, Emma Swan, but you have proven me wrong before and this time was no exception. I spent years fighting how I felt about you and I was tired of holding onto the weight of unforgiveness in my heart. My heart has been too heavy for far too long.”

“Is your heart lighter now?”

“No. It’s still quite heavy,” Regina said. “Because it’s full,” she added at the crestfallen look on Emma’s face. “It’s filled with love and happiness, Emma. You did that. You filled that void in my heart and it’s heavy for all the right reasons now.”

“I did that?”

“Yes, and you continue to do that every single day.”

“Even when you’re mad at me,” Emma stated and Regina nodded, eyes watering as she just stared at the woman before her in wonder. “I love you.”

“I love you too, you idiot.”

“Your idiot.”

_Mine_. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)


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